Uno Dos Tres

So what a year, huh? Let's play a game! Your challenge is to sum up your year in 3 words. :)

Mine (there really should be no surprise here):

Uno- Baptized

Dos- Catholic

Tres- Stained Glass

Baptized, I say? Yep. This is at the top because it is pretty much the best decision I have ever made. I remember the very first ever mass I went to (well maybe not the very first but I think you get the point) was  January 9th..... and we celebrated the Baptism of our Lord. Right then I knew I'd be baptized in Holy Name. It's funny to think about all the times I could have been baptized... my two younger sister's confirmation, the summer of the Mormons (great story btw), and just the different churches we attended. But I slipped through the cracks, even while secretly always wanting to be baptized. But it worked out perfectly.....I mean you know Him. :) It just blows me away that I got to choose this. I will stop rambling now but just know it was one of the best days of my life. So much GRACE!!!

Catholic. Gosh, that word just makes me smile. Seriously, I am smiling as I type this sentence. Catholic. haha So this is teetering on the edge of me going crazy and typing a novel about Catholicism. So I will try to be succinct. Try. One of the things I frequently find myself saying is "This, yes this, is my favorite thing about Catholicism!" There are just so many good things! But here is one of favorite, favorite things- the body of the the church. I go to mass every Sunday. You go to mass every Sunday. Some random person in Ireland goes to mass every Sunday. The fellow down the street. Your best friend. The Pope. And guess what, we are all together in the scripture and gospels we read. We pray the same prayers. We all the partake in the Eucharists together. The saints in Heaven and the faithful here on earth all in unison. I think that is beautiful. Catholicism is beautiful. I hope it never stops taking my breath away. 

Stained Glass. So technically this might break the three word rule....but I can hyphenate it for good measure. Stained-glass. First, a side story that I promise is related to stained glass-

This summer I had a day that I like to call the Grandma Trifecta Day. I wrote a blog about it.....but never posted it. Ha. So anyway, this day consisted of me seeing each of my three grandma's all in one day. What a blessed day! My Nannie (Dad's mom) is really special to me. She has such a beautiful soul. It's really hard to explain what I mean in words but I look up to her so much. I look at her and I see LOVE. For me. For all people. For her family. For my Papa. For God. Anyway, this particular day, she and I were talking in the camper about life. She was working on some plastic canvas/yarn things and then talking about some pillows she made. She said, "This is my therapy, Kasie. This is the only way I stay sane."

This past year I lost my last two grandpas. However, I also have witnessed two of my grandmas deal with the death of their husbands. Let me tell you, the strength that they have demonstrated to me leaves me in wonderment. It is like my little earthly reminder/example of the strength our Momma Mary showed us. Oh to have like-Mary strength! So stained glass? Yeah, it is sorta like my therapy. And I think it is safe to say Catholicism is too. :) 

That's me.....behind all those holy cards!

My sister Kami, or as I more affectionately call her Kamo, and I are quite the pair. Growing up we shared a room together, shared secrets, peeked through each other diaries just to sign "Kasie/Kami was here!", drew with our fingers on each others back, tape recorded the "Hot 9 at 9" on 107.3, and jammed out to countless songs in the little red car that she never checked the oil in. Then as we got older, she was the person that made me try my first alcoholic drink- a fuzzy navel (she was always the trouble-kid haha), one to ask for counsel about Dad, one that always laughed at my jokes, and one that still to this day understands me probably more than almost anyone. We would tell each other everything. The only time I ever told on Kami was when she told me she and some friends had smoked cigarettes downtown regularly. I promptly told my Mom, because I thought it was disgusting. Ha. I truly had my sister's best interests in mind. :) Then she had to move. I seriously thought I was going to die when she moved away to college.....and I was a Junior in high school.

I say all this because today Kami truly made me feel like me again. I don't really know how or why or really what the deal is lately to make me feel so broken and out of it (well I kind of do but more on that in sec).....but she totally made my day. And she doesn't even know it. :) I can say, do, or feel anything and she won't judge me. I love her. Plus she even gives me a quarter when I don't have one, so that I can get a gum ball out of the candy machine in the mall. That's love. :)

Now on to "That's Me"....... I have been hiding lately. You name the person, and I bet you a million bucks I have been hiding from them. My family, friends, most likely you, and yes, most definitely yes, God. I remember reading this creepy Edgar Allan Poe story in high school about this crazy guy Montressor. Basically, his "friend" gets drunk and he takes him down to the catacombs and builds a cement wall around him. Kinda evil....but hey I do remember this story. So anyway, I am like the drunk friend, but not really in the literal sense. Promise. :) However, I have one-upped Montressor, because I am building my own dang wall all around me. It's getting sky-scraper-like. I will probably start on the moat next week. 

But I let down the draw bridge for Kamo a few times this past month. The first time was the weekend before Christmas. I was staying at her house in Wichita on Friday and Saturday nights because we had family Christmases on Saturday and Sunday. I got a brilliant idea- let's all go to mass together on Sunday! I figured since Ryan was coaching some wrestling that weekend, that I had a pretty good shot at making this happen. So I went to Brynley with my idea.  I am such a turd, I know. She was excited about going to church with me. Now we just had to run it past Mom. Kami didn't blink an eye----- she thought it was a great idea for Brynley and I to go, but she didn't feel up to taking Cooper. So I was getting really excited about taking Bryn to mass and grateful for Kamo's acceptance. She even texted her neighbor to find out mass times. Then it was so cute when Bryn went to bed on Saturday night and I was talking to her about going to church in the morning. She just smiled at me and said, "God and Jesus.".  Ahhhhh, I wanted to laugh so bad and tell her not to forget the super cool, Holy Spirit. But I just smiled.  Gotta love five year olds. 

Then today at lunch Kami was talking about January 4th for some reason or another. So a thought that immediately pops into my head....January 4th.....awww my confirmation saints feast day. Then a brief, "should I tell her" discussion in my head. Then I say, "Hey January 4th, that's the feast day of my saint." "What's a feast day?" Then ensues a small, yet significant, wall demolition. A wall demolition that was definitely good for my soul.

Here's another example of my hiding. I had personal conversations with most all family and close friends about becoming Catholic before the Easter Vigil. There was the small matter of me not telling my Dad until a couple of days before my baptism. However, I guess the important part of that is that he was still there for my baptism. : ) But anyway, there were a few people that it was just a little awkward bringing up the subject to, even though I saw them almost daily. I just thought, do we really need to have the "Hey I am Catholic now..." conversation? Eck. It was horrible. I never said a word about becoming Catholic and continued working on that wall brick-by-brick.

Until we went to the turkey dinner at Sacred Heart. Thank God we went to the turkey dinner at Sacred Heart. For real. My friend asks, "So is this where you go to church?" My heart kind of skips a beat as I am thinking, "Yes! We are finally talking about it." I briefly explain about mainly attending mass at Holy Name and before you know it we are talking about canned cranberry sauce. But that night, that one tiny question to be more precise, was like a stick of dynamite to the wall. Over the course of the remaining semester, we were now able to breach the Catholic subject little by little. Absolutely nothing about me personally, but more about Catholics as a group. Which is absolutely fine at this point. haha

The biggest wall-breaker incident deals with holy cards. You see, I have been a busy little bee over break and got this idea to mix stained glass with holy cards. Actually, to be more fair, I came across a lady on Etsy that took antique holy cards, put them between two panes of glass and solder the edges. I was like......YES! I could do this....and make them ten times better. So that is what I set out to do. I bought glass, ribbon, rocks and the like, and oh yeah, a crap ton of holy cards and medals. I don't think you can imagine how happy I was to see the sign that read, "Holy cards $1 each OR $0.50 each for 25 cards or more". Hahaha I bet you can imagine the route I took. And after literally visiting every Catholic bookstore in Wichita and my own little piece of stained glassed heaven, I finally made it back to school in AC where I do my stained glass.

I had my supplies strewed everywhere. I was up to my eyeballs in some very, very Catholic holy cards and medals, jamming out to needtobreathe pandora station and cutting some glass, when in walks my teaching partner. Immediately my finger goes for the volume down button on the computer. :) I think, "Oh great, I really should have picked up these dang cards but I really didn't think you stop in....." and as I am thinking this I say, "Hey look at what I am doing with these cards....". And I am sure I rambled....but I just kept thinking "yep, that's me!"

And let me just tell you feeling like "That's me!" is such a relief. Whether it's with Kami, my friends or my teaching partner, hiding really hurt my relationship with each of them. Hiding yourself from others is stressful and quite frankly just a big headache and a lot of work. For me here lately, I have been being a little consumed by my faith. It's new and fascinating. And because I think about some facet of Catholicism pretty much constantly, I am sure it can get a little bit annoying to some people around me. It is definitely misunderstood. And I am to the point now where all I want to do is to share my love for Catholicism with those around me. But for me it is just so hard to do. Some people get my "sharing" all the time (too much) and some not at all (waaaay too little). But here is a lesson to learn about the holy card fiasco.

Come out of hiding. It doesn't even have to be about faith. It could be anything really. Find those people that love you for you. They won't care if you became Catholic, turned vegan, sold all your possessions to spend a few years doing mission work overseas, spent your weekend watching every episode of  "Once Upon a Time", ate leftover cold macaroni and cheese, or even if you bought a shoot-ton of holy cards as if they were baseball cards. They. Won't. Care. They will either say, "Oh my gosh, you too!!!" or they will say, "What's a feast day?".

Yeah, there will be a few that still don't get it. But I am choosing to overlook that opinion. Honestly, it is pretty easy to do when I think about the shared experience of someone who gets crazy excited like me over holy cards, or my faith. Or having small ( I like big epic ones too) wall-breaking conversations with my loved ones. Even better still, is listening to them share a little bit about what they hide. We aren't meant to build a wall around ourselves. Solidarity, friends. Make sure you are practicing it and supporting others when they come out from hiding. Most importantly do be afraid to embrace your differences and say "That's me!"

Recent Happenings

I have a lot to say. However, the words are just not coming very easily. So after an attempt at writing, I have settled for some pictures of recent stained glass items I have created. Plus, a little something special for Advent. :)

Last Wednesday we made Christmas arrangements in Floral Design. I tweaked my just a little. :) 

For my brother, Levi. Not the greatest picture as the green is actually much darker (and prettier) in real life.  It is his cattle brand. 

BATMAN!!! This just might be my favorite so far. It's a graduation gift for one of my seniors. 

I know I just said the Batman one was my favorite...... I really like this one too. I used these cool little square gems for part of the border.   I made it for my Mom's birthday way back in October.

Catholic Conundrum #4: Advent and the Mysterious Pink Candle

Advent? Hmmmmm, since I really didn't start attending mass until the second week of January last year,  this is kind of a new thing for me. For two weeks I have been sitting in the pews wondering why there was one pink(rose) candle on the Advent Wreath. Shoot, I had been meaning to look it up but just kept forgetting. Then at mass today I was informed that it was not only the third Sunday of Advent but it was Gaudete Sunday aka Pink Candle Sunday. : ) Well, to be perfectly honest, I really didn't understand Fr. Ruben's accent for this Latin word, so I really didn't even know it was Gaudete Sunday until I got on my laptop and looked that sucker up. : )

Here is the interesting thing about Gaudete Sunday. It came in such a timely manner. It's is just really funny that the things Father talked about in his homily are some of the very things I was beginning to realize at the end of last week. This is a season of rejoicing!! Plus he quoted Mother Teresa several times. One being, "A smile costs nothing but gives much." It was just an all-around great reminder of the one thing that can truly make each and every last one of us happy- God. If we only let Him. :) Today's world is constantly telling us all the material things we need to make us happy. I have a perfect example of this that I will be blogging about soon. But here's a sneak preview: Do we really need that new car, a huge house, a Kindle, an iPad, or shoot even a dang iPhone? Should we really move in with our boyfriend, lead a promiscuous lifestyle, or do what ever we feel like just because it will make us happy? I mean this is the message I am sent every single day of my life. I hear it on the radio, on television, in conversations I hear just walking down the hall. So it must be okay???? Nope. Actually, God is the one thing that will lead us to true happiness. : ) Rejoice!

Okay, back to my Advent researching. I found all sorts of cool facts about Advent. Including these cute little Advent Calendars. It is kind of ironic, because my mom would do these with us kids when we were little. : ) So apparently I have celebrated Advent before. The most interesting thing I stumbled upon was how the Eastern Orthodox churches celebrate Advent with the Nativity Fast. Seems more intense like Lent. Look it up, it's legit.

So in the midst of all my new-found knowledge I wondered, "Hmmm, who else celebrates Advent?" So then I googled, " do methodists celebrate advent." : ) You see, I could not for the life of me remember celebrating Advent as a Methodist. Granted, my church going habits were a bit sketchy. But according to the all-powerful Internet, Methodists do celebrate Advent. As well as Anglicans, Lutherans, Presbyterians, and I am sure many other denominations. I am sure each in their own ways. Afterall, we are all Christians. Who wouldn't celebrate the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ?!

Happy Gaudete Sunday!

Joyful, Joyful.....go ahead, finish the song! :)

A perplexing thing happened today. I felt.....JOYFUL. I know- crazy things are going on in good ol' Ark City. And not that things are absolutely terrible but lately I have felt a little broken and busted and not really joyful for months. In fact, I often think- "Could I please have just one normal day?" Which is why today was so perfect. Honestly, there was absolutely nothing exceptional about today. Really. And it came out of nowhere. But it was sooooo good.

Thoughts that were in my head: 

"Why am I so happy?" 

"It doesn't matter!!"

"God is so good!" 

"Kids are amazing today. I love being able to treat them like people." (I'll explain this one in a sec)

And the thing is, I felt like I was on fire. I wanted to help my students on all requests. I wanted to work my butt off to teach them....EVERYTHING! I wanted to joke with them. I wanted to talk to them about life, not school. Which is awesome, because here lately I really have had a few problems connecting with students. Or really, more specifically, wanting to connect with students. I guess in short, I felt like a teacher again. 

God is so good. Today really just gave me so much hope. I really felt His love all day. And there were times I could have easily sabotaged the day.....and I didn't. I am just so thankful for today. 

Let's jump back to the "treat them like people" comment. It does sound bad. Kasie, you're a teacher, you don't treat your students like people? But I guess I am more human than teacher. :) It's not that I am treating them as slaves or warm bodies. More like a pain in my you-know-what. Last week, I had a student say, "Smile Ms. Bogart....you never smile in our class." I really didn't know what to say. I am more used to the comment...."Bogart you are always smiling...." Really??? Do I never smile in that class? I think he was right. 

Then something happened in welding class today. Which was pretty much AMAZING as well. :) I felt a little prompting from the Holy Spirit. "You need to more patient with these boys." I am just as bad as they are. One of my biggest pet peeves in welding is when students are lazy and give up. They weld one or two beads, for example, trying to do a tee weld, don't find instant success, and then they throw a temper fit about it being too hard. They lose their patience so easy and so fast. Then I do the same thing to them because it pretty much drives me crazy. There was a student that was doing this very thing today. In fact, he was pretty solemn the whole class- frowning, grumpy, and just not very nice. As he was leaving, I smiled and said, "It's gonna be okay." He looked up, didn't smile, and said, "I hope so."

"I hope so." I have no idea what he is hoping about. He isn't disrespectful to me, rude to his classmates, grumpy, or even throwing fits because of me or really anyone. There is something in his life that is making him lose hope. Me losing my patience does not help matters for him. Sadly, I know that for each and every student that is walking through my door, they are fighting some battle. I can either help them or hinder them.  

When I was student teaching, my cooperating teacher had a sign in her room- "Make Their Day." I love this saying. Have I been doing this lately? Absolutely not. Am I capable of doing this? You betcha! :) We are teachers. My job is to help my students learn more about agriculture. But really my job is helping them fight their battles and loving each and everyone of them. I could go all day on this topic. Some kids that I sometimes find the least lovable, teach me that I was totally wrong. 

I am so ready to start making their day once again! Thanks be to God for such a great day! I am amazed at his beautiful reminder that He will never let me go. He and my Momma Mary kept me strong all day.  It was so good on this busted heart. : ) 

Now I am off for some margaritas and a movie to make this day that much better. haha : )

A Post Without A Point....Until the End.

So interesting happenings at my second home here of late. In horticulture and then in one of my welding classes. Let's start with the poets in my welding class.

Random (very odd) conversation as the bell rang, which I believe stemmed from facebook and those picture sayings that people post to their walls:

Boy #1: I like this saying, "The choices you make today, make you who you are tomorrow."

Boy #2: Oh yeah.....

Me: You guys are turning into girls on me.  (Joking....sorta but not really)

Boy #1: Whatever Bogart, it's in the Bible.

Me: That is not in the Bible. I am 100% positive that is not in the Bible.

Boy #2: Yeah it is.....it's in John........like John 6....... or wait......

Boy #1: It's John 3:16. Don't you have a Bible?

Me:  I don't know scripture but I do know John 3:16 and it is NOT John 3:16. That is like one of the most well-known bits of the Bible ever and it does not say that.....

Ahhhh welding boys. You just got to love them I guess. Even when they are being turds. Apparently, they are convinced that I have a Bible in my desk. Which I don't. That's in my car, in the purple bag. :) However, my desk does have two missalettes that Fr. Mike gave from way back when I only knew the "Our Father". Ha.

Then in Horticulture class. We were reviewing some flower parts and dissecting flowers. Plus, for this particular unit I have them watch a short 20 minute "Magic School Bus Goes to Seed" cartoon. Btw, Ms. Frizzle has a fantastic laugh......just youtube it.  Well, the last two class periods a group of my students have pretended to pray at various parts in my lesson. For example, right before the Magic School Bus clip they held hands at their table and bowed their heads and said who knows what.

Hmmmmm. Yes, I laughed. I do that often when I don't want to laugh. Two of them are some of my officers. Which means I think they at least semi know where I stand when it comes to being a Christian. And I don't take my faith lightly.

You know, normally I am all about praying. I do it all the time. I pray in class and school on a day-to-day basis sometimes even hour-by-hour basis. But you never see me create a prayer circle or mock praying. I guess it just kind of gets on my nerves at this point. Only because they are pretend praying. I guess we will see where this goes......

If only this post had a point. :)

But speaking of prayers: If you have some to spare, send them my way. : ) I would appreciate it greatly and after tonight I realize I need them even more.

And finally some good stuff. Like hardcore prayer stuff I like......and struggle with. A part of a prayer to my Momma Mary I both love and am afraid of at the same time:

"May the continuous sight of God fill my memory with His presence; may the burning love of thy heart inflame the lukewarmness of mine."

That is like the best line ever. Yes, please. Awesomeness times a hundred!

Then scary......for me:

"As for my part here below, I wish for no other than that which was thine, to believe sincerely without spiritual pleasures, to suffer joyfully without human consolation, to die continually to myself without respite, and to work zealously and unselfishly for thee until death, as the humblest of thy servants."

Yeah, I am most definitely a work in progress on this Momma Mary. : ) Please have patience.

In Christ, through Mary!

Eucharistia #2

Well you can't have a Eucharistia #1 without a Eucharistia #2. So here goes.... yes like the song. But sorry folks I do believe it ends here. : )

I went to mass twice this weekend. Gotta get my practice in with all the new changes you know. : ) Plus, it's Advent!! Actually, I had just finished up a stained glass project at the school and realized it was 5:45. Perfect amount of time to get to mass and then go visit my Mom and Grandma afterwards. One thing about the masses I went to this weekend......one was Saturday and the other was Sunday.....both were without homilies. We watched a video from Bishop Jackels in AC and then in WF we blessed the Advent wreath. So without the guidance of Father Mike or Father Ruben, I had to decipher the readings myself. : ) Which tends to happens about 50% of the time anyhow. lol

Anyway, I don't remember much of the beginning of the first reading. It was from Isaiah and it was long-ish. But then these awesome words entered my head, twice I might add:

"Yet, O LORD, you are our father;
we are the clay and you the potter:
we are all the work of your hands."

This I like!! So let the deciphering begin! But honestly, it's pretty straightforward. However, here's a twist to the straightforward praise-God-in-all-your-good-deeds-and-He-sculpted-us-all-for-a-specific-purpose-translation. And since I was in the "eucharistia mode" a little bit this weekend and since it was talking about clay, metaphorically I might add, I could relate it to my life......in the literal sense. lol  

Besides the Eucharist and God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I am thankful for many things. But if you get right down to it, it once again comes back to God. I am thankful for my talents.....maybe more specifically my hands. Plus the potter reference led me to think about creating. My hands that let me create: be it welding, creating stained glass, drawing pictures with Brynley, painting, arranging flowers, or even simply teaching. I am so very thankful for my hands. He the Potter has made me in the likeness of Him, and apparently I am told "without blemish". Isn't that great? : ) He has crafted me and my talents for some purpose unbeknownst  to me. 

So here's the flip side. Sometimes I wish that I didn't put so much merit into what I was feeling, or that I was more organized, or that I wasn't such a deep thinker...about everything, or that I wasn't this or that. The honest truth is that we all have things we wish to change about ourselves- be in physically, spiritually, emotionally- whatever. And sometimes these can be good changes or even inconsequential changes. But this whole Father/Potter thing sent me a wonderful reminder: it wasn't just any old Patrick Swayze kind of potter that molded us into us. It was THE POTTER. No not Harry. But the Potter of all potters. And fortunately for us He is not about to make some mistake in his creation. 

We are all the work of your hands. 

So realizing this, it just gets me excited. It simplest terms- it makes me want to do lots of good for Him. It should you too. ;) So today forget about what silly modifications to your mold you think you need to add and just be you. The one without blemish. 

Oh, and are you ready for the cheese? Good. In the words of Dr. Seuss: 

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

In Christ, Through Mary. 

Eucharistia #1

Okay let's just see where this little ditty goes.....

Thanksgiving break was spent as I suspect a great many others spent their break- petting squirrels (or bunnies as Cooper like to call it), getting in fights over a blender, and breaking glass with my bare hands. But seriously, it was all just a pretty low-key affair. I did, thankfully, get a lot of rest and relaxation and will NOT be able to sleep tonight. : )

You may have noticed facebook getting all thankful on you this month. People are updating their status left and right telling everyone what they are thankful for. I didn't join in because I felt like it was all a little too cliche. Not that people shouldn't post thankful statuses- because we all know it's waaaaay better than all the negative comments we all make on facebook for the world to see. Plus, I would read them and mostly agree what they were saying. I just felt like people were missing out......

Press the pause button and fast forward a second. There's a cool little thing I learned at Thanksgiving mass this past week. Father rambled a little about this and that and then he said the magic word: eucharistia. : ) Immediately my curiosity was piqued and my ears perked up. "Eucharistia" just so happens to be the greek word for Thanksgiving. It made me smile to think that the thing we should be most thankful for at all times of the year, Jesus' body and blood in the Eucharist, is the greek word for thanksgiving. How stinking cool is that?!

Push play again! Moral of the story: if I weren't such a chicken, I would post this on facebook.....

"I'm thankful for the supremely awesome and pretty much incomprehensible gift of eating God each time I go to mass." : )

Because I truly am. What an amazing God we have that is deeply in love with us all!! There is much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving! Peace.

Dragons and God or Ants and Eagles

As I mentioned in my last post, I read a lot last weekend. Not even my usual kind of read for the past several months. No religious topics :). Just good ol' tales of dragons, war, love, elves and werecats. Yes, I am a nerd. Yes, I am reading Inheritance. Yes, I am going to blog about it. :) 

You see, leave it to me to read this young adult fantasy book and relate it back to spirituality. But as you are about to find out, dragons and God do mix. : ) 

So if you do plan to read Inheritance, you may not want to read much further.....it doesn't contain many spoilers but a few quotes from the book. Here's the first quote: 

"When Eragon was a child, Carvahall and Palancar Valley had been all he had known. He had heard of the Empire, of course, but it had never seemed quite real until he began to travel within it.  Later still, his mental picture of the world had expanded to include the rest of Alagaesia and, vaguely, the other lands he had read of. And now he realized that what he had thought of as so large was actually but a small part of a much greater whole. It was as if his point of view had, within a few seconds, gone from that of an ant to that of an eagle. 

For the sky was hollow, and the world was round.

It made him reevaluate and recategorize....everything. The war between the Varden and the Empire seemed inconsequential when compared with the true size of the world, and he thought how petty were most of the hurts and concerns that bedeviled people, when looked at from on high. 

To Saphira, he said, If only everyone could see what we have seen, perhaps there would be less fighting in the world. 

You cannot expect wolves to become sheep. 

No, but neither do the wolves have to be cruel to the sheep. "

Ahhhhhhh, I just love it!!! Forgive me while I talk of Eragon as a real person for a second. 

Eragon is extremely relatable in this sequence. In a couple of different ways. I can relate in the literal way of course. More in more I am in awe of how little I am. How little you are. We are just specks, on specks, on specks on the timeline of life that God has created. Really. The things that "bedevil" (love that use of this word) are so...petty. In the grand scheme of things, of course. The devil is a tricky foe and causes us much despair. But try to think eagle-ish :) . Or at least understand that He is the master architect. He is the great artist of our lives. 

If you could see your plan, you'd look at it and say, "oh". The beauty of all of this life, is that you don't get that eagle-eye view. You just don't. But we have the knowledge to know that all of us specks are in good hands. The best hands, in fact. I know I'd say "oh, I get it." We have to trust that He and His eagle-eye view are bringing us closer to Him each day!

Okay, second more metaphorically speaking type of thing I draw from this text. Suppose for a second that the words "the Empire" were replaced by Jesus. 

"He had heard of the Empire, of course, but it had never seemed quite real until he began to travel within it."

Go ahead....you can smile. : ) Okay, then skip to this. 

"It made him reevaluate and recategorize....everything."

And that my friends, is exactly how I feel. : ) More to come on my good friend, Eragon next time. 

How Lovely

For some reason Mondays get a bad rep. Sure they represent the end of our precious weekend, however to me they also represent adoration. :) And here lately, most likely because of the cold weather, there is nothing I look forward to more than getting home, taking a hot shower and then going to adoration. No makeup. No deodorant. Just me all warmed up and clean, with wet hair, a hoodie and my favorite sweats hanging out and chilling with my best bud. It's awesome!! 

Plus, besides getting some much-needed adoration time, I haven't touched my lesson plan book in four days. Hell might have just froze over. In fact, I didn't even go to the school all weekend. Unless you count the time on Sunday I drove to Ark City with all my stuff to "work",  walked into my classroom, looked around, asked myself, "What the heck are you doing?" and then turned around, walked to my car and then drove to my Moms. : ) So unless you count that time. So all those lessons.....well they worked themselves out and ended up great. As they will tomorrow when we arrange flowers and weld. That's all I need to know. lol

 

But anyway, all I did all weekend was read, do two loads of laundry, and some dishes in the kitchen. That's it. Oh, and I took a nap Saturday AND Sunday. How lovely. 

That's it folks. Sometimes you need a little Jesus time. A little book time. A little me time. And then it just makes life all the better for those who have to be around you. : ) 

Better Late Than Never.....

I wrote 90% last Wednesday.....just now getting back to it. : )

A long, long time ago in the faraway kingdom of Ark City I was a high school student "involved" in several activities. Once such activity: FCA. Except tonight, almost ten years later, I attended my first ever FCA Rally. You see, I was pretty much one of those kids that had signed up for it and then disappeared off the face of the earth. I guess I can quit talking about those FFA kids that do this because I was pretty good at it too. : )

But back to this rally. Tonight was pretty beautiful. Today was boooo. Like one of those days when I am like can I please stop doing all this meaningless crap and do something that is beyond me and beyond.....this? However, tonight, well it was pretty beautiful. (again) So it completely made up for my boo day.

A student of mine was giving her testimony. She stood in front of a large group of her peers and adults and spoke about some very real and scary trails she has had in her life. Unfortunately, trials that as a teacher, I know other people in that room went through or are going through to this day.

She stood in front of a large group of people and talked about God.  : ) Courageous.

Now I know this was a FCA rally and that is kind of the point of these types of things- but still. As I sat in the audience that night, after one heck of a day, I sat back and was the student for once. It was the first time that day I chilled out, stopped thinking, and just listened. The things my students teach me........

All in all, I just feel beyond blessed to have crossed paths with this young lady.

Mission Fruity Snacks

I am just going to let you in on a little secret. Mission Fruity Snacks is actually code for Mission Go To Mass. : ) And that is just what I did on Tuesday night!

We have this vending machine at school that has single handily made over 90% of the students in our high school addicted to fruity snacks. They just eat them up faster than we can stock the dang machine. Which in turn doesn't make our "energy lady" too happy about a vending machine running without anything in it. But moral of the story is, I "have to" travel to Wichita often to visit our local Sam's Club to keep the fruity snack addiction up.

It's a win-win. They get fruity snacks and I get Jesus. : ) Which in turn makes me a very happy camper. Last night I attended mass at All Saints because I hadn't been there since this summer. The Gospel reading from Luke and the priest's homily actually fit in perfectly with the happenings of my day. Funny how that tends to happen. : )

As far as days go it was a pretty good one. I have two welding classes on Purple days. There are quite a few kids in the first class that typically act like turds. However, they must have decided that the shop is much better than doing work out of a book..... But then there was 4th hour. More specifically 4th hour in the last 10 minutes. They pretty much lacked any common courtesy to our school, the shop, and other people. Which really gets me fired up. Actually, even just thinking about it now makes me mad. : )

So back to the Gospel of Luke 17: 7-10

Attitude of a Servant

Who among you would say to your servant who has just come in from plowing or tending sheep in the field, 'Come here immediately and take your place at table'? Would he not rather say to him, 'Prepare something for me to eat. Put on your apron and wait on me while I eat and drink. You may eat and drink when I am finished'? Is he grateful to that servant because he did what he was commanded? So should it be with you. When you have done all you have been commanded, say, 'We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.'"

Do you hear that welding boys, "So should it be with you."?

Now don't get me wrong, I do have some great students. I really do. However, I do get fed up with some of my student's behaviors and thought processes. As a student, I expect you to be able to walk down the hallway without running, hitting people, cussing, and yelling. To me, this isn't something extra you do for your teacher if you really like them or even some crazy, unreasonable request. It is just what you should do. In the reading, the servant did what was expected of him and didn't ask to leave class early or get extra credit because his work was especially good that day. They did it because that is what they were obliged to do. They did it not wanting to get something out of it in return. Some of my students are missing the boat. Big time. I guess what I am saying is, that I am going to give my students a little Bible lesson next class. haha

It should be good times. Until my next fruity snack run!

Just Shut Up

Being human is hard sometimes. I think that being human the past few weeks has been particularly hard for me. It doesn't really matter why. Mostly, because we can all relate in some shape or form. We all have our little daily battles, that might turn into weeks, months and maybe even year-long battles. I have definitely reached a point where I am just weary. I am just tired, in about every way you could think of- of trying to fix it, trying to figure it out, and trying to go back. It's funny, in the ironic kind of way, because I pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my words, thoughts and actions and then I try to fix them. Over and over and over again. No wonder I feel this way.

So that is exactly what I told Fr. Mike this morning in confession. So two things to be happy about with that sentence:

1. I got to go to confession! It felt great and was exactly what I had been needing to do....
2. I finally went to Fr. Mike! : ) For some reason I have held this fear about going to him and I seem to go to every other priest in the world but Father Mike. It was good to hear from him for once. He was helpful.

I told him I don't really understand. I want to so badly to forget about my will and to just go with God's plan. To stop thinking about how I want things in my life to happen. I definitely try. But I also definitely have moments when I know I shouldn't be doing something but I still do it. And mostly I am just tired of doubting so much. I am confused about HOW to listen. About HOW to make sure I am not just following my will.

So how can I let myself be guided by the Holy Spirit? How can I listen? How will I know it's the Holy Spirit? I don't really know yet......... : ) I know, if only the world's problems could be solved by one confession. : )  But hey, I am a work in progress.

Here is what helped: Father Mike told me I needed to "just shut up sometimes". This made me smile, mostly because those are the words he used and because I  think he is right. And I think if you know me, that would make you laugh too. He was like no amount of book-reading, talking to people, or constantly praying about is going to help if you never shut up to listen to Him trying to talk back to you.

A little side-story----- when I first started going to adoration last Lent, I thought it was strangely/uncomfortably quiet in the chapel. It was way too quiet for me. So I'd bring my iPod and listen to music. : ) Not like Eminem or anything.....you know a little Needtobreathe or Brandon Heath. But anyway, after a couple of month's I stopped that. Then most recently, the two Monday's before National Convention, I was asked to cover an adoration hour from 11pm-12. Which I quickly said yes to, because I love going to adoration and I can count on one hand the number of times I have been in solitude during adoration. So I was super excited for some great adoration time. I had actually been thinking of what to do with my time and had come to the conclusion to just sit there. To "just shut up" as Fr. Mike would say. It lasted for a bit......... and then I just ended up praying and reading. haha So I might have a slight problem here.

Well.....it seems that I am to try that again. : ) I mean, He already knows how I feel. He knows every little thing that I do. And I know He's trying to help me. Even if I don't like what He is saying. So I can tell Him again for the thousandth time, or I can try to listen again. Even if it does take me two months. : ) I am already excited for adoration this week!

So next time you pray, I encourage you to just shut up and tune in to what He is saying too. Listen and do. Don't listen and reject. Make sure your relationship with Him is a two-way conversation. Just shut up.

In Christ, Through Mary.

The Great Discovery

Oh man, what a day. I woke up…….kind of confused. Got up and realized it was 7:31. Seven thirty-one!!! I am pretty sure I spouted out more cuss words this morning than I have all month, maybe my whole life. It was not good. Haha

You see on most days, I wake up by 5:45 and leave the house by 6:30 at the latest. Drive to school, get my morning prayers in, and make it to the high school between 6:45 and 7- depending on the route I take. But today I had to drive straight to the middle school, without any of things I usually bring from the high school. I arrived just as the bell rang, looking very, very beautiful and without anything. lol

Middle school was good though. My students were understanding and we still learned a lot about plants! : ) After that, I finally got to shower! Went to my Mom and Kaitie’s to get my shower in so I wouldn’t be so scrubby tonight at P/T Conferences. Then at the high school, let’s just say that my patience was tested all day and I am not sure I passed the test with flying colors. But I did try. J

Currently, I am just writing this at P/T Conferences and waiting on a few parents to show up. All in all, I am just really ready to get to Indianapolis for National FFA Convention! It is sure to be a great trip!

But last night…… I discovered something really cool about the rosary. Now I know what I discovered is REALLY obvious but I was pretty excited when I finally connected the dots. And to tell you the truth that is why I love my faith. I know that no matter how much I think I might know about the Catholic faith, there will ALWAYS be more. I can never stop growing in my relationship with Him. I just can’t get over how cool this fact is!! Ahhhhh!! Anyway….. more on my discovery soon. Oh the suspense.

So this month, October, is the month of the rosary. So we, as Catholics, are encouraged to pray the rosary daily. Which I am totally eating up and…….definitely trying my best to do this month. A friend texted me a couple of Friday’s ago wishing me a Happy Our Lady of the Rosary day and encouraged me to look up the story. So look up the story I did:

“Our Lady of the Rosary
This feast was instituted by Pope St. Pius V in thanksgiving for the great naval victory over the Turks at the battle of Lepanto on this day in the year 1570, a favor due to the recitation of the Rosary. This victory saved Europe from being overrun by the forces of Islam.”

So this text message, and further “Catholic-nerd-digging” led me to this idea: “I wonder what it is like to pray the full rosary?” I knew that the rosary had developed a lot over the centuries and started out as a way to count “Our Fathers”.  Then over time it developed into what we say today. In fact, what we say and meditate on today isn’t even usually the full 150 Hail Marys or Our Fathers. We are kind of slackers. : ) We usually ponder just one, of the now four, mysteries of the life of Jesus and call it good.

So I was really happy that this text sent me into google-mode and reintroduced me to some of the rosary history. Mostly because it gave me this great idea to pray all four mysteries in one setting.  Which I finally got the opportunity to do last night!

On to my “great” discovery! I had my little rosary book all laid out in front of me, to make sure I didn’t forget any and to make sure I was thinking about the right things. I just went into the order of the book: Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful and Glorious. I had just finished the last Sorrowful mystery, the crucifixion of Jesus. And had started the first mystery of the Glorious mystery, the resurrection of Jesus. And it clicked! It was all IN ORDER and told the whole story of Jesus’ life. So yes, I technically knew this, but it didn’t really click until I said all of the mysteries all together. Light bulb! I am not sure why this made me so happy but it did and praying the full rosary was well worth it!! Plus, I just feel awesomely ready for my week in Indy now. : )

Oh and I really hope saying a full rosary doesn't cause me to oversleep every day. : ) But it sure was a peaceful sleep!! 

Kinda like welding....kinda like church....

This past Friday I "finished" my second stained glass project. I had planned on going to Wichita that night but then just ended up eating El Magueys with Kamo and the kids and then worked on my project until about 10:30 that night! It was pretty much exactly what I needed. : )

So here it is:

Right after I foil and centered the pieces.

"Tacked"

After the initial soldering of the front, you can see what happens to the back.

Front before fixing it!

Done! Well almost. A few touch-ups, add the black patina,  and then a frame will finish her off!

So when I was working on this, James, the night janitor came by. He talked for a while and said "Oh, kinda like church? " I was like, well yeah I guess so. : )

Then my roomie, was looking at it and she said "Oh, kinda like welding?" I was like, well yeah I guess so. :)

It actually did get me a little more excited about welding..........


Anyway, Happy Monday!

Peaceful Pictures

I was getting ready to shut my computer lid....and I noticed my desktop. It is one of the pictures I took on that peaceful day I just blogged about today. And what better way to celebrate my 50th blog entry than to post some pics of that day! Enjoy!

The Shire, Kansas style? I think so! :)

Peace

Awwww Sundays! Today was a great day. :)

And let's just be honest here, it was mostly because mass was completely awesome today! The little kids sang, the second reading from Philippians is one of my favorites, and I just felt surrounded by beautiful things. Beautiful people, beautiful windows, and a crazy, beautiful building.

So back to  Philippians........

Philippians 4:6-9

"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your request known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you. "

So I really didn't come across this (or really much scripture) until earlier this year. So it is cool when I start recognizing my favorite bits every now and then. : )  The above reading was in this Lent devotional book that I was reading during Lent and I read this passage a couple of days after my Grandpa Selenke's funeral. After all the craziness of this next story. :)

There was a day in my life, actually the day of his funeral that I felt like this happened. Like EXACTLY. It was crazy. Like, that day "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" really happened to me. So I thought it would only be fitting to share my "peace" story! It is probably one of my favorite things I have ever written.

I am not supposed to feel this way. Not today. Today I am supposed to feel lost, confused, and sad beyond reason. Instead, I just can’t stop smiling.

Days like today are definitely a gift. Days like today make me wonder how people go through life not believing in God. I say this because all day long, I felt Him. There were times today when I was sad. I missed my Grandpa; I imagined him just showing up, telling some stories, giving me a hard time and everything just being a dream.  I was sad when I saw my Grandma weep, or when I hugged my Nannie. But I never felt alone. And not because I was surrounded by my family.

I remember my Papa’s funeral. How I felt sitting in that church. How I felt more at home than ever before. That day, I was beginning to listen. Today it was truly a blessing to have my Grandpa’s funeral mass at Holy Name. My church. My home.  It was just so comforting knowing that the same priest that was burying my Grandpa would be baptizing me in a couple of weeks, in that very place. I felt calm and peaceful all day. I felt like I was so at home and in the exact place I was supposed to be. I felt as if my ears and eyes were wide open. He must have been right by me all day long.

Later that day I decided to go walk and pray. So I think this makes a total of three times I’ve been to that hike/bike trail. Today was so very much amazing. I didn’t even listen to music the whole time because it was so very unnecessary. Not three minutes into my walk, I felt so very peaceful. I was walking with my face to the sky. I couldn’t help but noticed how the cottonwoods were so alive at the tops of the trees and how their buds dwindled from there. I thought it was beautiful how they weren’t quite all leaves yet but just starting to come back to life again….so green at the top against the bright blue sky. Then the clouds! It was simply amazing.....I was all sorts of smiles. I bet I would have been a sight to see. I went to my spot by the river bank. I watched the fish jump, watched the wind blow the lone tree on an island in the water, and I prayed. I didn’t want my prayers to end.

Then I got up and decided to walk some more. On the remaining walk I experienced peace like never before. If you look up peace in the dictionary it talks about freedom of mind from annoyances and disturbances. It takes about stillness. It talks about being untroubled and content. Like are we really allowed to feel this way? Because I don’t think I truly understood peace until today. Shoot, I probably still have no idea but regardless it was so wonderful. I was so happy. Beyond happy. I saw beautiful thing after beautiful thing appear right before me. There were tufts of green, green grass that carpeted the ground. There were squirrels barking in the trees. There was the moon in the middle of the bright blue sky. Nests. Mushrooms. Purple flowers. AMAZING trees along the trail. I know I am the biggest nerd ever, so BMH beforehand…..I felt like I was in some Lord of the Rings book walking through The Shire. I had never been to this section of the trails before and it was simply breathtaking. I felt like Jesus and my Grandpas were right beside me walking down that path.

I kept thinking I shouldn’t feel so good. But then smiling and laughing because it didn’t matter what I thought. I wanted to stop along the path, lay down, kick my legs up and down with happiness and stay there forever. I don’t think I have ever felt so blessed and thankful than I was feeling. I felt like I could have any conversation with Him that I wanted and that he was listening and talking back. It was amazing. I have really never wanted to cry because I was so happy. But the myth is true…it does happen. ;) Out of all the tears I have cried that past few days, I was crying because I couldn’t believe how good He was. Tears and a smile from here to the moon. God is soooooo good to us. I just kept praying please let my Grandma feel this way sometime soon.

I think that moments like these are as close to peace as we will ever get to on earth. Just imagine what true peace is going to feel think. Ahhh shivers. And when you think about that and then you know your loved ones are experiencing that peace a million trillion times over, you can’t help but be beyond happy.

 But as the end of my walk came to an end, and as I got closer to civilization, my car, and the bypass, I started to think about tomorrow, the next week, the next couple of months. We may not get many of these peaceful moments. The cold hard truth is that we will not feel like this every day. We have to remember them though. I know that I will have some stressful days, some hard days, and some straight up stupid days in my future. Days when I will try so hard to feel Him and be so frustrated that I can’t. Days when I will not want to feel Him…..because I am dumb. Days when I will feel like quitting and giving up. But on those days, my walk with my Grandpa’s is going to get me through them. I have to remember that peace I felt and look forward to feeling it again.

Ever since I can remember, my Grandparents would stand at their door, or the end of their driveway and wave and wave and wave at us as we drove away from visiting them. They never stopped waving and we never stopped waving until we could no longer see them. Our hands would be out the windows and we’d be turned around in our seats to wave goodbye to them. Still to this day, they continue this even though we are all grown up. Grandma is the biggest waver. Grandpa had his thing too though. He would always say peace and wave with the peace sign as we drove away. So we’d alternate between the peace sign and a wave as we drove down the road. I think Grandpa was peace signing me the whole day today. Ahhhh what a feeling!

And just to reiterate the fact that I this happened and I blogged about it before I had ever really seen Philippians 4:6-9. Just the things I describe that day are the very things He is telling us to think about. I talked about all the beautiful things I saw on my walk that He was romancing me with that day. He showered down on me so many beautiful things to guard my heart and mind on a very sorrowful, hard day. I focused completely on Him. No wonder I was so peaceful.

It is an awesome reminder for someone who has a brain that won't shut off. Don't fret so much, self. You did it once and remember how awesome that felt!? lol

Peace out!

A Place Only He Can Go

Last Friday night instead of going to the homecoming game, I ventured forth to get a good dose of Needtobreathe with a few friends. It was a good decision, and it helped me breathe a little. : ) First of all, I felt very blessed to be in the company of some good people. Just in my mind, very, very strong women.

Secondly, it’s Needtobreathe!! There were a couple of instances during the concert where I was reminded that they aren’t necessarily a Christian rock band but a rock band with very awesome Christian tendencies. And even though I love their rock side, I LOVE their tender side. I could listen to them sing Something Beautiful over and over and over again. (TANGENT) I am sure we all think of something different when we hear songs but I am willing to bet you think the same thing I do when listening to that song. And THAT really is something beyond beautiful. It is like the ultimate something beautiful. And I can’t imagine what is going to happen. Anyway……..

My new favorite Needtobreathe song:

A Place Only You Can Go

And not because they sang this song pretty much like 20 feet away from me. Not because they sang this acoustic. Not because they made us all scoot in super close to each other so we could hear. Not because the place was so quiet you could hear a pin drop as they were singing. And not even because everyone joined in and sang Stand By Me at the song’s end. Well on second thought, maybe that is why. ☺

But here is the real reason. On my drive home I watched the video I took of the final song. I know, super safe, huh? Then I watched it again. And again. I just couldn’t stop watching and listening to that song. I was catching most of the lyrics now and I could completely relate. And the chorus…..it’s something beautiful for sure.

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to you
In my heart you'll always know
There is a place only love can go
There is a place only you can go

And to me here is what I was hearing:

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to You
In my heart You'll always know
There is a place only Love can go
There is a place only You can go

And that is exactly how I feel lately. It's like a love song for Him! I love Him. But I don’t feel like I will ever love Him enough. Kind of frustrating. But I also know there is a Love we all yearn for. A Love that we search for all the time when we feel empty or lonely. At times, we do struggle and we look everywhere we can think of to find answers. But we (I) have got to realize He is the ONLY one that can fulfill that need. There is a place in each of us only for Him. So let Him take care of you. Cool thing is….. I think I am getting there. He and I have been talking about this lately. I have been praying that He fills me with Love. And that I accept it. And that I “love Him all I can.” My love is never going to be perfect but I am going to keep at it!

Check these lyrics out! Only bad part of the song- it’s too short! : )

Pain is alive in a broken heart
The past never does go away
We were born to love
And we're born to pay
The price for our mistakes

Grace, she comes with a heavy load
Memories, they can't be erased
Like a pill I swallow, he makes me well
And leaves an awful taste

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to you
In my heart you'll always know
There is a place only love can go
There is a place only you can go

Take my notions and words to heart
This is the cry of a man
I can't bring you fortune or noble life
But I'll love you all I can

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to you
In my heart you'll always know
There is a place only you can go

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to you
In my heart you'll always know
There is a place only love can go
There is a place only you can go

And now at last the video I watched over and over again. Watch it until the end!!

A Place Only You Can Go/ Stand By Me

Dishwashing=Therapy

Where to begin? From the beginning..... nope that'd take too long. ;) Let's just say I was driving myself pretty much insane yesterday. Nothing particularly bad happened but I was finding it very hard to function and  to get through the day. I even had some pretty fun things planned for class and it was like my mind was everywhere but in class.

In fact, it didn't really even get better until around 7 pm that night when I started cooking and watching Gilmore Girls. haha However, in the midst of me freaking out pretty much all day, I cleaned the kitchen at the school, all the coolers, the pans we had used for various things, the oatmeal I had spilled all over the place that morning, wiped up all the counters, cleaned the cupcake pans, and put everything away. It made me feel better! As I was doing this, I kept thinking I cannot sit down for lunch or I might not make it. So I just kept washing dishes.....even while realizing I was being slightly crazy.

I think most of the day I was beyond frustrated with myself. I know that this month is the month that we celebrate Mary as being Our Lady of Sorrows and that today is even the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. And when I went to adoration this past Monday, there was this awesomely, amazing new Marian statue. Where was this statue was positioned you might ask? Well at the foot of the cross of course! And so adoration was pretty much amazing that night!

Mary and Mary's sorrows have been on my mind like crazy. The fact that she could actually be there and watch Jesus be mocked and tortured and crucified is beyond my comprehension. And it's not like today times when people understood what Jesus was all about. People didn't really now all about Jesus like we do today. Plus, not to mention all the suffering she endured her whole life simply because she said "yes" to God's will, before and after His death. She suffered so much but so beautifully.

I could not do that. She gives us this perfect example of suffering- how not to be afraid and how we should  not to try to run from suffering. And at that point yesterday, while doing those dishes, I was soooooooo far from the example that she has given us. And I was so mad at myself. Just buck up.

Yesterday was a struggle for me. I really wasn't seeing God in things. I doubted God so many times. I fought with God all day. Finally, coming home, cooking, eating dinner with friends, and watching Gilmore girls started to fix things. Then I was at it again at about 10 pm that night......doing dishes, laundry, and cleaning my room....... and finally having a reasonable conversation with Him. I went to bed at peace........... and with a really clean school and home. :)

I know that I will continue to struggle with this thing. I could really use some prayers to help make me stronger, to help make me more like my Momma Mary.

In Christ, Through Mary! 

Perdonare- yay Latin!

It has been an interesting week. All week long I have kind of felt like I was holding things back or pushing things to the side. In particularly my conversations with Him. It happens.

Monday was labor day, and because of that adoration wasn't held. Tuesday.....the only thing I remember about Tuesday was that I got a letter in the mail. More on that later. Wednesday through Friday nothing super spectacular. I didn't feel very productive all week, the letter was on my mind, and I really didn't feel like I had had good prayer almost all week. I fell asleep either trying to pray the rosary or doing night prayer from my phone every single night. I guess that is my own fault for laying down....

Anyway, I went to mass tonight. Seeking goodness and Love. I sure did find it!

I went to mass at Sacred Heart tonight because I was working at school and also because I wanted to go to confession. (I know......I should really give Fr. Mike a shot at some point!) However, after going to confession tonight and then having a whole homily on forgiveness, I must say I do like Fr. Ruben!

Fr. Ruben must have been reading my mind. He told us about how the root of the word forgiveness comes from the Latin word perdonare. And this means to "give completely without holding back".

Something I don't feel I had really been doing at all this past week. I have definitely been holding back my conversations with Him and doing just enough to get by. What do we think sometimes? On a day-to-day, minute-by-minute, second-by second basis He gives himself freely to us. Completely, all of Him- because we are sinners. And when we go to Him in confession He will forgive us.....completely. No matter what. He is not going to half-heartily forgive one of two of our sins and say oops sorry you have reached your max on that sin.

Lots of different things were randomly popping into my head during mass. Here is one of them-

This whole pardonare thing kind of reminds me of something I meditate on when I pray the rosary and pray about the Crowning of the Thorns. I watched the Passion of the Christ for the first time this past year and I guess for the first time I have really learned more about the Passion. It is so heartbreaking. Mostly, because we are the crowning of the thorns. I am the crowning of the thorns. Everytime I sin, I am mocking Jesus. You may not be able to picture yourself insulting Jesus or making Him wear a crown of thorns. But is that not what we do? And then He turns around and forgives us......He gives Himself to us completely and holds nothing back. That just kind of blows my mind! In a good way. :)

And Surprise! It reminds me of the lyrics to this song: You Loved Me Anyway by Sidewalk Prophets.

Most especially this part:

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway
See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking
ground
Yes then, I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life
But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
Yes,You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
You love me, yes You love me
How You love me
How You love me
How You love me

Plus, I give you kuddos if you can go to any mass today or tomorrow and not sing the 7 times 70 song in your head. :)

What an awesome lesson He has once again provided for us all! Never forget that He holds nothing back from us, and that we should strive to hold nothing back from Him. Don't bury His grace. Love Him and show this Love to others.

Goodnight! State Fair is calling my name in the A.M.!

Quick Funny

It's Friday!! Getting ready to work on my stained glass project until we have our football tailgate here in a bit. But thought I'd share a couple of fun tidbits. :)

Today during my plan I was listening to my Ipod and had it on shuffle. Awesome song, after awesome song kept coming on my Ipod. I was like, what is the deal? All my favorite songs are playing back to back. Finally I got up to check it out--- it was shuffling my top 25 most played songs. : ) ahhhhhhhhhh

So definitely a little bit of a GSD, good story dude.

But anyway the real reason I wanted to post:

Yesterday morning I received this text as I was getting ready:

Happy feast day of the birth of Mary!

So I was all smiley and such. I had actually kind of forgotten about it. And it made me happy. And this news influenced my decision to take the long way to school that morning. Beautiful drive. : )

Anyway, so then this conversation ensued with my roommate:

"Did you know it was the feast day of the birth of Mary?"

"No I forgot!" "Me too."

"Well, that settles it. Happy birthday Mary,  I am making brownies!"

So we each ate like half a pan of brownies. Hey, it was a small pan. :)

The Greatest Philosopher Ever- Brynley Renee : )

Seriously, this kid is pretty amazing. And so honest.

For example:

I took her to the football game last Friday and we went to the restroom. She announced this to the whole restroom:

"Kasie Boo my butt is all sweaty!"

As we are driving, and I am ashamed to say, listening to Katy Perry's, Last Friday Night (after just teaching about inputs nonetheless):

"Kasie Boo this song says damn! Don't tell my Mom I said damn."

Oh Brynley, you make me laugh. Which is exactly what I did in both situations.

But then Brynley just randomly talked to me about some pretty amazing topics. Bryn has been having some difficulties with starting kindergarten. She says "I miss Mommy in my brain." Basically, she cries when she has to be separated from Kami. So I decided I was going to ask her about school.

We were talking about for a little while. Then she mentions "Bible School". So I thought she was talking about like Sunday School. So I ask her if they are going to church, she quickly corrects me and tells me not church but her old pre-school. Then I tell her to ask Mommy about going to church. : ) Kami is gonna love me.

But I guess since we were on the topic of church she felt the need to ask me this. "Do you know why we have crucifixes?" At this point I am a little perplexed that she knows the word crucifix, so I curiously ask, "No, why?"

"Well they really put Jesus on a cross and nailed REAL nails into his body." I respond, "Yes that is right."

Then she continues, "And Julianna told me we hang them in our houses, and then......duhh duhhh duhhhhhh...... the house is HAUNTED."

For reals. lol

I explain to her that she needs to get new friends :) jk and then we talk a little bit about what the meaning is really about.  I tell her that crucifixes help remind us that Jesus died for us.

She pipes in, "Because He loves us. He loves us very, very much." I think she knew all along. :)

But then, on the same ride home she amazes me again.

She said something to this nature:

"That's a crescent moon!" Once again, I am left thinking how do you know the word crescent?

She continues:

"Mimi loves crescent moons. Do you think I should tell her about it? But I like round moons. Did you know that the moon stays in the same spot so that no matter where you are, you can see the moon?"

"Hello God, it's Kasie. Are you playing a funny joke on me?"

You see, I have this things with moons. They can be crescent, round, full, huge, little, orange, amazily beautiful moons. Really it doesn't matter, because everynight when I look to the night sky I am reminded of my Momma Mary.

Check this out- It's one of my favorite parts of the book The World's First Love, Chapter 5, p.76:

"As our love does not start with Mary, so neither does it stop with Mary. Mary is a window through which our humanity first catches a glimpse of Divinity on earth. Or perhaps she is more like a magnifying glass; she intensifies our love of her Son and makes our prayers more bright and burning. 
     God, Who made the sun, also made the moon. The moon does not take away from the brillance of the sun. The moon would be only a burnt-out cinder floating in the immensity of space were it not for the sun. All its light is reflected from the sun. The Blessed Mother reflects her Divine Son; without Him, she is nothing. With Him, she is the Mother of Men. 
     On dark nights we are grateful for the moon; when we see it shining, we know there must be a sun. So in this dark night of the world when men turn their backs on Him Who is the Light of the World, we look to Mary to guide their feet while we await the sunrise."

Yes, Brynley, Momma Mary is there for you, me, and everyone else. No matter where you are. In the dark. In the light. So chat your Momma up!

In Christ, Through Mary.

To me

My head is kind of everywhere right now. This time around it is looking to be a good thing. ;) So there is sure to be lots of posts this week if I am not too busy!

Lots of good driving time this weekend has provided me with good thinking time. Plus, good little surprises like the song above. Thank you, ipod shuffle.

To Me......ahhh I am so glad you come on shuffle because I had sort of forgotten about you. In fact, I listened to it about 4 times back-to-back on my drive back to AC. And each time I listened to it I thought of something a little different. Here was my thought process:

First of all, I can NOT listen to song without thinking of a few people......this song reminds me of my kids, my students. My kids go through rough situations....divorce, high school drama, self-image issues, insecurities, fear, loneliness, not being able to be themselves, pressures to drink, pressures to decide what they have to do for the rest of their life (why do we make them do this, again?), feelings like they can't live out their faith, and just LIFE.

And sometimes it does break my heart. Because they are AMAZING. So anyway, this song is pretty much exactly what I would say to each of them.

But guess what? The more I listen to it......the more I realize it is God singing this song to each of my kids. Go ahead and let your heart smile. Mine sure did when this thought entered my head. 

Then I listened to it a couple more times with this thought in my head- this is God's love song to my students.  Hold up! Another thought popped in my head.

He is singing this to me too.

That is exactly what I needed to hear from Him. The fact of the matter is, no one knows us like Him. No one loves us as much as Him. He will never leave us. In fact nothing we could do, could make Him leave. I feel so beyond blessed.

Happies o' Habitudes

I wrote this after classes on Thursday.

Today I felt like I had my best armor on. It was astoundingly awesome. I really just felt His presence with me all day.

I really am blessed to have a really respectful, on-task, engaged group of eight-graders to work with each morning. Just this morning, I met a new student that was placed in my class. She did not look happy to be there but I felt an instant connection with her after talking with her for less than 2 minutes. I asked where she lived before moving here. She told me Wisconsin. Which immediately made my day! I told her I loved Wisconsin people! Really that’s the truth. : ) Lots of good FFA buddies from my travels to Wisconsin. Then after that brief discussion about all the cool people in Wisco she felt invited into my classroom. And that, my friends, is why I love teaching.

Then on Purple days I get to teach Floral Design. This is going to be a great class. It is already my favorite. We did a habitudes lesson today for the first time. As a class we decided to try to do one once a week, for about 30 minutes a class. So yes a lot of time out of floral design concepts but I can already tell by the discussions going on today that it will be time well spent. Mostly, because He was totally in class today. These kids were even talking about Him!

We did the Habitude Personal Laptop to start things off. Why not, right? It is all about putting good things into your mind because what we put in is actually what will come out of us. It is what we will be. We talked about all the negative inputs we put into out minds: some tv shows, the media, possibly facebook, some friends we may have, things we read, music we listen to, etc. Then we talked about how we have to consciously make an effort to control and monitor these inputs so that we can be assured that we are putting positive inputs into our minds. We are what we read, hear, and think about. Make sure it is good stuff you are putting in.

So we did an opening activity of Big Fish, Small Fish. Then we broke into two small groups for the reading, brainstorming and discussing. I roamed around and dropped eaves on their conversations.

So Happies O’ Habitudes Eavesdropping

-    The God conversation.
o    Students were making a list of all the positive inputs in their lives in small groups. They got about 7 deep in the list and someone says God. Then they all say “I can’t believe we didn’t think of Him sooner.” They laugh about it and someone says offers up a very logical solution, “We better just draw an arrow to the top!” This. Was. Funny.

-    The baptism conversation.
o    After most of the discussion was over and not everyone was back in their seats, we had this conversation with a couple of students and I. This is what he said to me: “Did you know I am not even baptized? Yeah but, I figured that is a good thing I could do. My life is just so crappy but maybe I can do that.” I say, “That would be a very good thing to do. Do you want to be baptized?” He thinks he does. Then another student, “You let me know if you do for sure. Or if you have questions you can talk to me.” Now just how awesome is that?

-    The Martin Luther conversation.
o    A couple of my students go to the same youth group. Apparently, they were required to read the preface of the Lutheran Catechism the night before. However, they were expressing how they were frustrated with not digging deep enough in the meaning and not getting their questions answered. Obviously, this type of conversation piqued my interest quite a bit. I could not help but listen in on this one. It was just good to hear them talking about such a great positive influence in their life. Yes they were slightly frustrated, but these kids wanted to know more! Awesome!

We are also keeping comp books in this class. They serve as bellwork/learning logs, 212/Habitudes reflections, and a great communication/questioning tool. I was very excited to read and write comments in their books to them after today. They all said that habitudes was something they really did enjoy learning about today. I was surprised at some comments left for me. Some of these students really need/want something or someone to help them. Pray that the Holy Spirit can work through me, so that I can serve my students to the best of my ability and that I can bring them closer to Him.