Bryn and Bibles

One time I took Bryn to Sunday mass at St. Jude's in Wichita.

She hated it and never fails to let me know that she never wants to go to church with me again. Bummer. I joke about it with her now, even though I really would love for her to want to go back. Tis life I guess.

Anyway, now that I have officially settled into the "church lady" role in my family, Bryn and I frequently have conversations about God. The cool thing is that often times Kamo is in the same room when these conversations come up. Which then proceed to more grown up conversations about God.

This particular time Bryn was really excited to show me her Bible. I was surprised she had a Bible and in fact I had just bought her one for Christmas. Darn it, I thought. But the Bible she brought was the real deal. It was definitely made for a little kid but still small print and a bit hard for her to read.

So as I was finishing my sloppy joe my sister had so lovely made me, she read to me out of her Bible. And we proceeded with Bible nerd talk. And before you go all crazy and say I gave her too much info, I will call you crazy for two reasons:

1. First off Kami was in the room and she may have looked busy but she was totally listening and piping in here and there.
2. Little kids have amazing minds. They are like sponges. I wish my students wanted to learn as much as Brynley does. Besides the week before she recited Bible verses to me that she has memorized for this thing she goes to at her friend's church.

But it was great. We talked about the Old Testament and the New Testament. We talked about how all the books are important but in the New Testament we learn about Jesus. In fact at that point we talked about the Gospels and then she read out of Luke chapter 2.  She asked such sweet questions like, "What's a shepherd?". She flipped to the front and and asked what "contents" meant. I told her this page showed all the books in the Bible, 73 to be exact. Which on a side note isn't completely accurate because I am sure it was a Protestant Bible. Then she asks, "Well which ones do I have?" That made me kind of laugh because it was cute. "You have all of them!", I told her. She was amazed that 73 books could fit into what looked like one book. 

That day Kami also shared with me that her friend in the new neighborhood they moved into had given her a Bible and a daily devotional type of thing. It was one for moms, so she talked about how much she could relate to it. All in all, I would say we three had a good time Bible-nerding it up.

Here's a pic of Bryn reading the Bible I got her for Christmas to her baby brother.

A Rosary Discussion Goes Awry

Today in Agriscience class one of my students randomly asked about my rosary that I wear. She started off simply enough, "What is that?" 

Then it continued, "Can I see it?" I let her hold it. 

"So how does it work?" I explained it a little. 

Another student, "What saints do you have on it?" hahaha geez kiddos. Well you see...

"What's a saint?" I explained that too.....you can be a saint too! :)

"Why do you pray to Mary?" Explained. 

Is my rosary really that much more interesting than dairy cattle? Yeah, I think so too. 

But then she asked something that took me a little off guard. She was talking about going to church. This particular student is a foster child, so I asked her if she went to church with her foster family or her grandmother, who lives in somewhere semi close to Ark City. She told me that she typically goes with her grandma. Then she asks, "Who do you go to church went?"

"I just go by myself." 

"Why don't you go with your family?"

"I'm the only one in my family, besides my grandma, that is Catholic."

She then looks at me like I am crazy and says, "Well, then why are you Catholic!?".

Why are you Catholic? 

A question that does seem to be popping up more and more lately. At Prayer and Action this summer I remember this is one of the questions we talked about on the first night. However, it was really easy for me to answer. I don't really mean the question wasn't meant for me but it was meant to get young people thinking about taking their faith as their own. Most of them, if not all of them have been Catholics their whole lives. At some point WE all have to choose our faith not our parents or those around us. 

At the Prayer and Action reunion a week or so ago, this question was brought up again in relationship to the Year of Faith. How can I continue to choose to live out my Catholic faith? How can I grow closer to Christ? 

Honestly, it has been something I have been struggling with the past few months. And as my student was asking me that question, I was thinking in my head..... you have no idea what kind of question you just asked me! 

Because in addition to all this talk about choosing my faith I have had the following conversations too: 

Talking to Pastor Stephanie for a good 45 minutes at my sister Megan's wedding about her and her husband mixed marriage. About how she attended mass for awhile because he is Roman Catholic but then how she  chose to become a pastor in the Methodist church. So why are you Catholic, Kasie? 

Having a conversation with one of my sisters about going to church. 

Her- "I really need to start going to church. I need God in my life. I'm going to this new church on    Saturday. Then I am going to try out this other church and then probably go to my friends Lutheran church sometime too."

Me- "You can come to mass with me sometime." 

Her- "No. I don't want to be Catholic."

Note to sister- Neither did I. :)

But I am. And it was the best decision I have ever made. 

It's true there aren't many people in my life that can understand why I like to go to mass in the middle of the week, or get excited over some feast day, or even pray a rosary with. Yes, I want to attend midnight mass on Christmas with my family. Yes, I wish my close friends shared the same beliefs that I do. Yes, I wish they considered going to adoration a good way to pray together. Yes, I want to pray with people. Yes, I even think about stupid things such as how my family would deal with my wedding or my funeral. 

Why am I Catholic? 

How could I not be? The amount of grace and blessings that have entered into my life are too vast to count. There is not a more beautiful thing on this planet. Even if at times I feel alone, I know that God is here and leading my heart closer to Christ. 

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, pray for us! 

The Best Five Minutes

For the past several weeks the best 5 to 10ish minutes of my week happen right before confirmation class on Wednesday nights. Sometimes the time spent here is even more precious than my time spent in adoration.

After setting up for class, I sneak away for a few minutes to the church before the doors get locked. At Holy Name, there is a small side chapel that is attached to the main church. This is where we have adoration on Monday nights, daily mass when school is not in session and it acts like kind of an overflow area for Sunday mass.

But on Wednesday nights the side chapel is dark. The red candles are lit. Jesus is in the tabernacle. And there is no one else around. Well except the choir people in the choir loft. However, the side chapel is just barely/conveniently hidden from the choir loft in such a way that I can listen to their music but they cannot see me. :) I love it. I pray and listen as they practice the Gloria and Holy, Holy, Holy and random mass songs.

And now that it is cold outside it is even more perfect and cozy. For some reason I imagine all the crazy things going on around me, all the struggles, all the normal daily distractions of life being on the outside of that church building. It's literally my sanctuary. For my weekly "Best Five Minutes" I know that God is good.

For this song I know that God is good.

A Glimpse of Glory

Two weekends before my trek to Indianapolis for National FFA Convention I found myself in Lincoln, Nebraska. Growing up a mere five minutes from Oklahoma, this was only the second time in my life that I had made it to the Cornhusker state.

I was going on a retreat and it was going to be with the School Sister's of Christ the King. I was originally supposed to be going with another friend of mine, however plans had changed and I ended up going by myself. When I arrived I quickly picked up on the fact that this was to be a silent retreat. Somehow, both my friend and I had missed that small detail. Regardless, it was definitely exactly what I needed. It was a quiet two days. In fact, I could not wait for that hour or so of recreation we got on that Saturday night. It was actually pretty joyful- the most joyful I had been in awhile- and it was obviously a fruit of the silence. 

I had never been on a silent retreat. I had never prayed that much in my life either. Mass, Liturgy of the hours, adoration, talks and several mediations each day. In fact, I remember sitting in the chapel, feeling like I had no worries floating in my head; I had prayed them all away. I did reach a point on Sunday morning, where I was done. I was tired and I knew there was one more meditation coming up but I wasn't sure if I was going to do it. Maybe I would just sit in the chapel and do nothing. :)

However, after some much needed coffee, I was feeling my second wind coming on. This time we got to pick what ever meditation we wanted from our book. As I was scanning the titles, nothing was catching my eye. Then I saw, "A Glimpse of Glory." Well that sounds awesome! Who wouldn't want a glimpse of Jesus? 

That morning I traveled with Jesus to the top of mountain and witnessed His transfiguration all while remaining in that church pew. :) However, it made me realize how much Jesus does for us still. He knows our weaknesses, our doubts and our fears. But He never leaves us alone. Just as Jesus strengthened Peter, James and John by taking them up to the mountain with Him that day, he does that for me and for you. He knew all the events to come with his crucifixion and knew they would need help keeping their faith. He provided exactly what they needed. 

Sure, this retreat has helped me when I "came down from the mountain", but it also is much more than that. It's the people, opportunities, and seemingly meaningless events that Jesus puts into our lives that help strengthen us everyday. It's the faith and the hope that he will continue to do this out of love for us. Jesus is so good to us and I can't wait to someday get that glimpse of glory and look upon His face. 

Mary's Heart

Last Monday during my adoration hour I decided to do a reflection/meditation out of this book I have. I was reading scripture in Philippians and then in the 2 chapter of Luke.

The scene in Luke was that of Jesus' birth. Definitely a story that most people, myself included, would say they are very familiar with. However, I got to this line, "And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart.", and I just couldn't get past it. How could I have missed this before?! The more I thought of this, the more awestruck I became with Mary. This woman is amazing! 

Keep in mind I had just held my weeks-old nephew in my arms the day before. How could Mary hold the infant Jesus in her arms and know what she knew and not go crazy? Then I began to think- when did Mary know that Jesus would die like he did? 

Later that night I had a discussion with a friend, and we both concluded we thought most likely Mary knew a bit later with prophecy of Simeon. Which on a completely non-related side note, it was cool to get some context about Simeon's prophecy since it's used in Night Prayer. Obviously, I could see that it was from Luke when praying Night Prayer but things usually don't click for me until they do. :) 

However, even if when Mary held Jesus in her arms and didn't really have the slightest clue about the heartbreak she would experience later,  she is still amazingly strong. To have that much faith in God to ponder all things just in your heart, is a little hard for my brain to wrap around. And that line still gets to me.....especially when it is practically repeated later in Luke 2:51. Which is after the prophecy and after she lost and then found Jesus in the temple. Not to mention to just imagine you were Mary and holding that baby in your arms. Jesus was completely dependent on her, just like any other baby that comes into this world. Even more beautiful is that she was completely dependent on Him. Jesus was Mary's whole life; from conception to assumption. 

After all this Mary and baby Jesus meditating I was really excited to hold my baby nephew again. On Friday, we all had the day off from school. I went to mass, visited a bookstore, and headed to see my sister and my favorite little people. Ky was a little fussy at first but within 10 minutes he was out cold. I held my sleeping nephew in my arms for about an hour and a half as he got in his nap. Ky has colic and is usually pretty fussy so Kami was really excited this was occurring and asked me if she could shave her legs and clean the bathrooms. haha Meanwhile, with Ky in my arms, I thought about how at one point Jesus was so small and helpless just like him. I tried to imagine how Mary must have felt......I know this is a bit futile but I still tried. :) And as Ky continued napping on my chest, I prayed a rosary for him. It was perfect. The little guy is just so adorable. 

Oh and one last thing, while at the bookstore that day, I came across a holy card with the 7 Sorrows of Mary. Once again, I had heard of this before, but like I said it doesn't click until it does. After what Mary went through, I know that she can and will help us with our sorrows here on earth. What a strong momma we have!

Looking Good

This past week I have been in FFA Land.

FFA Land is both a place and a time that happens a few of times of year. National FFA Convention is the biggest "FFA Land" of the year but similar activities, thoughts, and feelings also occur during State Convention and State CDEs.

Anyway, I am not really going to post about FFA Land other than to say it was on my mind when I arrived home to "Arkalalah Land". Arkalalah is a big deal for the people in the community of Ark City.  Basically, it starts Wednesday night and last until late Saturday evening. There are several parades, craft shows, carnivals, fried foods, helicopter rides, egg tosses, turtle races, Queen Alalah activities, and plenty of other fun things to do. I have never really been into Arkalalah, mainly because it usually falls on the same weekend of FFA Convention. But this year we came back a night early and got to hit up the tail end of Arkalalah, the "big parade".

I was sitting on the tailgate of my brothers old truck and I get a text from a student of mine:

"hey bogart"

I was tempted to ignore it. But it was a student that I had just taken to convention and I thought it might be important.

"What do you need?"

"Yea ummmmmmm can I have the od jacket I have right now"

This is one of my freshmen FFA members who had borrowed one of the chapter's FFA jackets to wear at FFA Convention. I just told him the chapter needed that jacket but we'd order him one. I thought that was the end of that.

Later, I was walking downtown during the parade to meet up with someone, and I thought I saw an FFA jacket through the masses of people. Really these streets are packed full of people. At first, I thought  it was because I had just arrived from the sea of blue FFA jackets only hours ago. However, I did a double-take and it was, in fact, one of my students in his FFA jacket. In fact the same student who had just texted me asking about keeping the FFA jacket.

I hollered his name and said, "What are you doing?"

He was in the middle of Arkalalah, in full out Official Dress (OD). He had on the right pants, shoes, and tie. Perfect FFA OD.

"Just wearing my OD!"

We couldn't really even stop to talk because of the traffic, so I just said, "Looking good!"

What was he doing?

This student never ceased in asking me one of these questions any chance he got while we were in Indy:

"Can I take my jacket off? It's hot."
"Do we get to go change yet?"
"When can we change?"
"When we go in this restaurant, can I take my jacket off?"
"That tie better be a clip-on tie!"
"I'm not wearing black shoes- I just brought my white tennis shoes."
"Can I just wear this FFA jacket with my jeans."

Needless to say, I set him straight real quick with all the ends and outs of proper FFA official dress.

Oh geez, he drove me crazy most of the week with his questions. However, there he was in perfect OD in the middle of Arkalalah a mere 12 hours after we had arrived in Ark City. He was so proud of that jacket. He was proud in a way I hadn't seen even some of the most dedicated FFA members be in long time. It made me smile....real big. He brought FFA Land back to Arkalalah Land. And he was looking good.

A Truckful of Nuns

In case you were wondering, this is what a truckful of nuns look like:

                 

Oh, wait! I meant a truckful of mums.....................

I guess it is better than a truckful of bums. Or tums. Really? Enough with the puns! Okay, I will stop now.

However, I did get a good laugh out of my welding boys last week when our mums were delivered. They seriously thought I said "nuns" instead of "mums" AND they still followed me outside to get them.

After seeing the truck and no nuns to be seen, they started laughing and said, "Oh mums! I was thinking is that even legal?!"

Ummm....probably not. But hey we all thought it was funny and my welding boys learned what mums were. Plus, we talked about nuns. Hahaha very funny God.

But God wasn't finished yet. One of my welding boys had this green shirt on that said something about "Faith Accompanied by Works" and it really sparked James, the mum truck driver's, attention.

"That's an interesting shirt there."

I kind of brush him off a little. Sort of like, "Why are you talking to me about this, right now, in front of everyone and the mums."

But he was persistant and continued to to talk to me about God, the Bible, and hearing God speak to us, and the aforementioned green shirt.

Before you knew it my class was inside, and I am having this prolonged conversation with James. I was pretty hesitant to talk to this complete stranger about my faith at first but before you know it things are coming out of my mouth and I am thinking, "Why the heck did I just tell  him that?!" Geez, Kasie. Go teach your class. lol

For example:

He mentioned that God has spoken to him.....like audibly. I make a remark about that not happening with too many people.... which actually may or may not be true; I don't know. He just caught me way of guard. Then he immediately says, "He did to Abraham!"

The conversation is rolling at this point. We are talking about God speaking to us, or me feeling the lack thereof, and the fact that I was baptized a little over a year and half ago. In fact, he hardly let me get a word in edgewise until I told him that. We ended the conversation both agreeing that God is great. It was a doozy of a conversation.

God definitely has a sense of humor. Thank you God for sending me the crazy mum/nun truck driver. Thanks for the reminder of sharing my faith with those around me.

For James, mums, nuns, and green shirts- I know that God is great!

They Call Me Kasie Boo

For the record- I should be writing a Welding Safety Test right now. Actually, I should probably just go to bed.

However, this one is short and sweet.

One of my favorite roles in my life is that of an aunt. As of Tuesday with the birth of my nephew, Kyan,  I am now the proud aunt of two nephews and one niece. When Brynley was born my family decided that my name to her would be Aunt Kasie Bo. My Papa, Dad and many family members on my Dad's side have called me Bo from when I was real little. In fact, Papa may have forgotten that Bo really isn't my name. Needless to say, Bryn never picked up on that moniker but she called me Kasie Boo instead. It was cute, or rather she was cute, so it stuck. When Cooper was born she passed on my name to him too. For awhile they both called me Aunt Kasie Boo.

Nowadays, Bryn is really growing up. In fact she has said that she is too old for "that princess stuff" and has turn more toward Justin Bieber and nail polish. Yes, scary. But Cooper really is a charmer. He knows that all he has to do to melt my heart is to call me Kasie Boo. Then his wish is my command. He is seriously too dang cute for his own good.

About a week or so ago, I visited Kami while I was in Wichita. I get to my sisters house and the kids run out to greet me. "Kasie Boo is here!" Cooper immediately runs to me and hugs my leg, I pick him up and hug and kiss him. He then proceeds to ask me if "I wanna box?". We play hit each other and then I give him more hugs until he wiggles out of my arms.

The next part of the story is the best. Kami was in the bathroom when I arrived. But then Cooper runs into the bathroom to interrupt my sister and proceeds to rub Kami's very pregnant belly, put his face right next to where he thinks Ky can hear him best and tell my little baby nephew Kyan, that "Kasie Boo is here Ky! Kasie Boo is here Ky!".

Each and every time I see Cooper he greets me like this. In the hospital when I arrived, I guess he saw me in the hallway and then asked all the visitors in my sister's room if they wanted to go see Kasie Boo. He is just so excited to see me and the rest of his family every time we meet.

His enthusiasm never fails to make me feel loved. It never fails to brighten my day. It never fails to make me laugh. It never fails to make me feel like I am the most blessed person on this earth. Finally, it never fails to hit me smack dab on my forehead with the force of a 2X4.

When was the last time I greeted someone I knew with the enthusiasm of a child? More often than not, I take for granted the people I see each day and even the people I see on rare occasions. This week I am going to make it a point to make those I meet feel loved and welcomed by me. I will greet them with my best Kasie Boo impersonation.

Burn Me Up

First things first. At the moment, I feel a little up in the air. As in, I am not happy. As a teacher I feel as I am being a second rate version of myself. My mind is usually anywhere but school. I miss a few people an awful lot. I miss daily mass. I probably did morning prayer twice in the past week and a half. Last week I was excited for two things: having a solo adoration on Monday and driving to Wichita for daily mass on Friday and then picking up a former student who is attending Friends and is currently carless.

But there is a problem. I am only thinking about me. It like the world should revolve around me and me being all self-consumed. Ahh I hate it. 

I think that God has been trying to communicate this message to me as well. : ) Mostly because it is just popping up everywhere. And usually when something is reoccurring, it is fairly important. Here's what has been going on: 

After mass on Sunday I came home to eat lunch. As I was looking for something to watch on TV I came across First United Methodist on the guide channel..... 

Yes, I watched it. haha Honestly, mostly because I was curious to what a Methodist church service was like. I know, I know.....you are probably thinking, "Weren't you Methodist?". Yes, but not really.  After all, it has been a long time since I have been to any kind of church besides the Catholic mass. Two things I got out of it.....I love celebrating mass and the world does not center around me. The pastor actually had a really good message that I'll summarize briefly. 

Sometimes we are in darkness. Sometimes we are in a situation where nothing seems to be okay. Our relationships are suffering, we are dealing with really difficult people, we are unhappy, we feel like nothing is going for us. Remember that God put you there for a reason. God brought you to the people you are around each day for a reason. To be a light for those people. Does a light do the most good in the daylight? No, in fact, it does the most good in the darkness. Be a light for those people around you; even the ones it is most difficult to do this with. The world does not revolve around you. Quit thinking about you and help the people you are around. 

Well played God, well played. Then, I went to the lake to spend time with my family. 

I spent most of the time in the camper. My Nannie and I spent a few hours together just catching up and talking about anything and everything. And in between feeding Cooper PB&J sandwiches and changing the background of Kami's phone to a picture of me, Nannie made a statement to me: "Kasie, you are too independent." 

I love Nannie but she can sure kick me in the butt sometimes.

In addition to all the above. I wore a Lady Bulldog softball shirt that said "We > Me" on the back. For some reason, everybody had something to say about that shirt today. Mostly, it was- "Don't follow that motto, Kasie. Don't get married. Don't have kids. Do whatever YOU want the rest of your life." Geez, people that is horrible advice. 

Plus on a particularly tiresome day last week I turned on my radio to the chorus of this song: 

"Burn me up, Burn me up, Burn me all the way, 

til there's nothing left but You"

To wrap up this long story and make it shorter. I think sometimes we are all in need of a short little prayer. 

"He must increase; I must decrease." 

-John 3:30 

Faith Conversations

I just spent about a hour talking to my brother in law, Ryan about Catholicism. Today I have gotten many jokes sent my way about "crazy Catholics" and about me going to a Catholic wedding and me being Catholic in general. Which is fine. I really don't mind because I think people are just really curious about faith in general. In fact, we are longing for something more than this world, Heaven, and sometimes we don't know that.

After the wedding Ryan made some joke that started our conversation. He was stumbling around for words and then just kind of blurted out, " Why are you..... or I mean what made you convert...or why are you Catholic?" At this point I kind of hate this question. Because I could answer in a few different ways:

1. My students (most true but also most difficult for others to understand)
2. The deaths of my Papa and Grandpa Selenke
3. Catholicism by research

I choose route three tonight because Ryan is a very factual guy. Which is a huge draw to Catholicism for me as well. I told him out of everything I had researched, Catholicism was the most true. Now I really don't want to get in details on any one specific thing because that isn't the point of this post. He agreed with me on the fact that other branches of Christianity all came Catholicism. He agreed that we all started as Catholics. But he didn't believe in all the churches teachings. Not five minutes into the conversation, he goes- "You know when you get involved with someone you won't be abe to use condoms?" Well I guess I better stop being Catholic then......

But really. It was hard to get my point across to him that this minor detail, never really crosses my mind as something to worry about. Of course I know the Churches teachings on condoms and I don't believe in using contraceptives. But then it got into the whole "I-know-this-person-who-is-Catholic-and-they-use-condoms" discussion. And really that was Ryan's big hold-up. He has meet too many lukewarm Catholics. Honestly, I understand his point.

People- DON'T BE LUKEWARM CATHOLICS!!!

I have no idea how to answer this when he brings it up. Other than that we are humans, and therefore we are stupid. :)

It was a good discussion though. Throughout the discussion it was apparent that Ryan was searching for something more. He said one other thing that I found kind of amusing. Understand that Ryan is very goal-oriented, has a inner drive to be successful and provide for his family. Ryan was also baptized before my sister and he got married about six years ago. Pretty much so they could be married in the Methodist church in Ark City. But anyway he talked about how he has read a lot of books about coaches or successful business people and most of them talk about how their belief in Jesus plays a part in that. He wants to understand that.

Anyway, please pray for my family. It would be the most amazing gift ever to be able to see my family share in my Catholic faith. I know that probably won't happen. But pray that Ryan is open to the Holy Spirit's promptings and that he can be a good leader in his faith for Kami, Brynley, Copper and the new little guy that's on the way.

Labeled

Most of the time people don't like to be labeled. Not that labels are untrue, but they more often than not limit the truth. If an individual is labeled a jock, they can have no other interests than lifting weights, drinking beer and watching ESPN. If an individual is labeled smart, they must love reading books, drinking coffee, playing with their chemistry set and watching The Big Bang Theory. I mean, surely this must be true!!

Actually, we all know better than this but we still make generalization with many people we know. I guess, what brings on this whole thought process is that I have been labeled. What you might ask? As a "church person". Oh the horror! As a "church person" I pray daily, attend church, dress in skirts, listen to TobyMac, and  believe in God. See I told you they're all true! : ) In all actuality I don't mind being labeled a "church person". It is just really interesting to hear some things that come out of people mouths.

On Wednesday, Catholics all over the world celebrated the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary. It was indeed an exciting day for me and for many. I even dressed in a skirt for mass that morning and then went to school still in said skirt. Some of my FFA officers arrived at the school to work on the mentor and recycling projects we are doing this school year. Their reactions to seeing me in a skirt and hearing the reasoning behind it, " You're like such a church lady." And for some reason my mind immediately jumps to the elderly women in daily mass. "What?!" hahaha

Simply put- it's hard to explain your faith sometimes. During retreat we had this activity called Me-In-A-Bag. Basically you pick objects that describe you and you tell other people what they mean to you. One of my items was my rosary. When it was time to ask questions at the end, almost every question that was asked to me was about that rosary or faith-related. Why didn't they ask me more about the Mamma Mia CD or the Lego man? Labeled.

And then later as I was sifting through my bag of mail during retreat, I came across more questions. These were questions about the Bible, (he was under the assumption that I had read the whole Bible), and questions about how I react when someone offends my faith.

The more I think of my new label, the more I can appreciate it. I think that many of my students don't receive any kind of faith background. Two of my officers talk openly with me about Jesus. But then most of them think I am just some holy woman who makes them pray at meals on retreat. So therein is my dilema, how much do I share? Faith-sharing can be very in your face. Faith-sharing can be taken so completely out of context and be drastically misunderstood.

I wish to be a good example for others. I certainly pray that I can lead others closer to Christ. I just don't want to be non-relatable to my students. To be labeled can sometimes set up a wall that blocks communication. It seems the minute people learn that I am serious about my faith they fail to remember all the other parts that I am too. Yes, a person can like Green Day and love adoration at the same time (never mind the fact that most people I know have no idea what adoration is). It applies to my students, family and friends. How can I be Christ-like to them without them even knowing? Because I fear the minute they catch on to my "church lady" ways they will turn tail and run the other way.

Stop Being a Girl

One of my current student's and I have this saying we like to say to each other, "Stop being a girl". I guess we both like to fashion ourselves as being some super strong-willed, non-emotional, independent,  superwomen. But I'm not. I am in fact a girl. And sometimes I do act like that stereotypical girl I hate to act like. That girl we tell each other to stop acting like. 

For example, I have a "sad" CD.....that I listen to. I have this weird jealous streak that appears smack dab out of nowhere sometimes. I like to dress nice AND then have people say I look nice. I like to eat ice cream just because I am happy, sad, with friends, hungry, or wanting to celebrate. I can take some things way to personally. I do get emotional. And lastly I hate goodbyes. 

And dang-it all week I have been acting like a girl! So I apologize if this whole post reeks of "being a girl". I have been at the school a lot this week. In fact, more than I have been for the whole month of July. As I am going through papers and rearranging things I keep getting reminders. Pictures, cards, letters, old assignments, old speeches I listened to countless times, signs hanging on the wall, items long tucked away in some random drawer, mobiles hanging from the ceilings, notes in the greenhouse.....just things everywhere. These things are awesome but they are making it extremely hard to focus on the upcoming school year. And I am not ready for school. 

I always joke with my kids that there is no way I could ever be a mom. It would just break my heart too much. I mean I can't imagine what it is like. I have spent almost everyday with some of these kids for the past four years and a mother has 18 years of that. Ouch. 

Before I took this years FFA officers on retreat I had a friend pray for me that I was completely "present" for my new kids. It is hard for me to not want my older kids there. It is hard for me to relearn how to do things again. It is hard for me to open myself back up to start all over again.

Each evening of retreat we had a reflections. The second evening two of the officers talked about taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. One of my officers called me out and said, "What about you, Bogart? What have you done lately to step put of your comfort zone." She went on, "You seem so confident. You seem like you'd try anything and aren't afraid to talk to people."

Which I think is so far from the truth. Oh from the mouths of babes. : ) But anyways I guess it just kind of hit me there. I have a lot to share with these kids. I have a lot to teach these kids. It is time to stop being a girl and get to work. These kids are chomping at the bit, full of ideas, and full of awesome things they will teach me. If only I will let them. 

This semester, I could really use some prayers. Prayers to be more present with my current students and prayers to trust in Christ. 

Jesus and Johnny: A Blast from the Past

Where has the summer gone? I really need to be doing more work in my classroom and I really need to work on planning out more of officer retreat. I mean retreat is Friday! I guess the plus size of this predicament is that I can't even begin to explain to you how completely awesome July has been. Hopefully, I will blog more about July later but this is about my little blast from the past. How it started:

Now that Emily has moved out, I am in the process of moving some of my things back from my mom's house. This doesn't help with focusing on school, as I want to look through all my junk. I spent a good three hours today listening to some really "interesting" burned CDs, old yearbooks, and reading old journals I had written. In high school I wrote in steno pads......wow those were interesting. :) A most special gem was the journal I kept the week I ran for a State FFA Office. It is kind of embarrassing. hahaha Anyway, it prompted me to look up an old blog I had in college on......Xanga. Pat yourself on the back if you even know what I am talking about. It is actually the cream of the crop as far as my blogging goes. It chronicles the last three years of college. Some of it makes me cringe. While most of it makes me laugh out loud. It is funny to see how much different I am. At the same time it is interesting to see how much different and how much the same my worries are today as they were then. Here is something I wrote in 2006. It is amazing to see my thirst and desire for Jesus expressed through a little Johnny Cash. Enjoy.

So I just got done watching Walk the Line. By the way, it is kind of weird that in my last two entries I have mentioned Johnny Cash. Anyway, do you ever feel like you are Johnny Cash? Like he was a super talented, driven, passionate guy who just so happened to have a pill-poppin problem. I kind of feel like that. Not that I have a drug problem or anything like that but I have my own issues. Everyone does. If we could just get past those things, I think we could truly live. Sometimes I feel like I must be living like Johnny in the scene where he walks all the way to June's. Pretty much the lowest you could ever get. He was really lucky to have June though. Who's my June? I don't really mean this in a sense of who is my man either. But who is my friend that would do what June did? Who will love me no matter what? And who is making sure that I live my life to the fullest....to how I really want to be living my life?

If you currently blog or journal- keep doing it! Even if you do seem a little crazy at times, it is pretty insightful when you read back through your words. Peace!

Take It

That awesomeness above.......was last weekends Gospel reading. Mark 14: 12-15, 22-26.

There are quite a few words and sentences on that page. But when I really read and meditate over this passage all I can see are these two words:

TAKE IT

As I was kneeling in mass this weekend, those words would not leave me alone. But actually in my head it's more like....

"Hey you crazy lady I love you! I have been trying to give this peace to you. I have been trying to give you my love. I have been trying to help you and provide for you. I have been practically screaming at you. I know you heard me. Why haven't you been listening? Take it. Take my body and blood and be strong. Do not be afraid. I know what you need. Take it!!!!"

Yes, I am good at turning two words into a whole paragraph in my head. :) Without a doubt He is being stern with me. But then simultaneously He was also offering me his flesh and blood. But here is what I told him next:

"I don't deserve it." And He said-

You guessed it......"Take it."

What did I do next?

Story to be continued......

A lot of the times I don't think I do a very good job at accepting what God is trying to give me. Mostly because we don't always agree on what I need. :) I tend to get preoccupied with how I am going to fix things, and spend lots of time worry and calculating solutions to these problems that I only have human understanding about. Which human understanding amounts to about nothing even if it is Kasie Bogart understanding. Ha ha just kidding..... Still, I tend to try to do things on my own- even when I know it will end in failure. It's basically like Jesus holding peace (and a whole slew of good stuff) in the palm of His hand and offering it to me. Then I reach out and close his hand in a fist and say, "Sorry, it will hurt too much."

I know there are others out there that struggle with this same problem. Choosing His will over our own is not an easy task. However, take hope! We can do this if we put our total trust in Him.

"Your heavenly Father knows what you need." Matthew 6:32

"the sufferings of the present time simply don't compare with the glory to come that will be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

Lastly, a phrase I heard a lot this past weekend from good ol Fr. Linnebur, "God asks for everything, but He doesn't necessarily take everything."

-Back to the story-

For the first time in what seems like month's I took it. Even though I receive the Eucharist often, I felt like I never had before. Instead of me closing His hand in a fist; I took what He was giving me. I finally felt at peace and strong enough to start trusting Him.

Now I'd say that was a pretty successful Corpus Christi Sunday. :)

I am very aware that this battle is far from over. It's not always going to be pretty. It's going to hurt and I am going to want to give up. But it makes me smile to think that the battle is already won.

That's right-

The battle is already won!

Pray that we all be given the grace to accept what God is so persistently trying to give to us.

Take it.

Phones in the River

I wish that I could just chuck my iPhone into a river. I wish that you'd throw your phone in the river too. And you and you and you! Everyone please throw your phones in the river! Billions of phones in the river!

Let's face it. If I chucked my phone into a river, it wouldn't do me much good without everyone else drowning theirs too. Or would it? 

Most people today (well most of the people I'm surrounded by) can't remember what life was like before all the glorious conveniences of modern technology. Honestly, sometimes it is even hard for me to remember. I mean really, what did my ag teachers do at National Convention when they had to round up 20 students out of the sea of 50,000 blue jackets? Oh that's right- they had to plan more extensively, make sure we had watches on our wrists, and give us meet back places and times. More work? Yes. But not really. 

Here is another good example of prehistoric times. Perhaps one of my favorite memories I have is of the kitchen phone. This kitchen phone was as expected- in the kitchen. When any of my friends wanted to call me, they got to talk to my parents first. These calls then proceeded to happen as far away from my parents as the cord could possibly reach- around two corners, in the nook by the playroom. It was a long cord and an extremely important conversation. The best part was,  everybody, and I mean everybody,  knew that you didn't call people past 9 o' clock. Yes, my friends, this eliminates most of the conversations I currently have through phones AND text messaging. 

Honestly, this post is a little pointless. Only because I have no idea how to "solve" this issue. I do wish people communicated with each other now like we use to communicate with each other before cell phones and facebook. However, I am a big part of the problem. I just looked at my phone usage. I have used 29 minutes out of 450.....in 16 days. What!? That's it?  My text message usage- let's not get into that. But really the worst is the data I use on my phone's Internet. My bank account is super thankful that I have unlimited texts and unlimited Internet. 

This problem sort of reminds me of a problem some friends and I had in college. In college it is almost inevitable that you do a few stupid things. So keep that in mind :) Anyway, I had met some friends through a job I had presenting youth leadership conferences. Over the years, I acquired several really good friends that went to colleges across the US. We would see each other and catch up at conferences about 6 times a year and at trainings. I developed some close relationships with these people even though they were all so far away. For some reason, we all got into this weird/bad habit of only calling each other when we had been drinking. It got to the point where we realized this was not okay. "I care about you. I want to know about what is going on in your life. I want to be able to help you and listen to you. And we both know all these drunk dials are not going to accomplish that." After that conversation happened, that group of friends and I made a conscience effort to communicate with each other in a more meaningful way. 

So yes, I am implying that text messages are like drunk dials. I know, maybe a little bit of a stretch. But only because those text messages are just so darn convenient. We hide behind our text messages and little emoticons. Texting is much less riskier and not as uncomfortable as some phone calls could be. Not only that, but when was the last time you misinterpreted a message? Ummm, about 30 minutes ago you say. Believe me, I can relate. I have had many experiences when I got frustrated, got my feelings hurt, or totally missed the boat on something- all over a stupid text that meant something completely different. The fact of the matter is when we send that text it is actually like interrupting someones life. We have no idea what is going on in their life at that current moment but sometimes can just assume they are ignoring us. It makes me super thankful I didn't go through high school texting my friends into the wee hours of the night or during class. I am very thankful that I didn't have practically complete and full access to all my friends 24/7 like we do now. 

So is it feasible to live without that technology when everyone else is using it like crazy? What would my life be like if I chucked my cell phone, bought a landline and a good ole answering machine? Did people asks this same question when the telephone was invented? 

"Oh Sonny, I remember the good ol' days when if a person wanted you over for supper they'd come knock on your door and invite you over themselves. Now all they have to do is ring you up on the telephone. What is the world coming to these days?"

So do a quick check on your last 5-10 text messages. What if those text messages were phone calls or letters or cards? You might say, that'd mean I just spent an extra hour of my time on something I could do in five minutes. That one question I text them turned into a conversation about that person's troubles that lasted for thirty minutes. Who has time for that nonsense? Hmmm, well I think it is something we need to have time for. That bible verse from Romans that I just texted a friend could have turned into a really cool 5 minute phone conversation, or at the very least a voicemail that would make her smile. That text to my best friend in California telling her that I miss her like crazy might just turn into that skype call we never have.  Shoot, if I even made it a priority to call my brother and sisters at least once a week we'd all know each other more. We could then all support each other more. 

Even though throwing our phones in the river may not be the best solution to battle the technology woes, it is important to communicate more openly with those in our lives. It might just be worth giving those texting fingers a rest. Being able to text people does make our lives easier but not necessarily better. Your challenge-- 

How will you be more PRESENT in the lives of those you love? 

Why I Converted: The (super) Short Version

Today I heard this song a couple of times; once on my shuffle and then again on the radio. It never fails to remind me how this little song single-handily converted me to Catholicism AND saved my soul. : )

Well I guess to be fair, the girl who was constantly playing this song whenever she walked into my room, also had a little bit to do with it.

Thank you, Holy Spirit!

The "Heroic Moment"

I just recently watched the movie There Be Dragons. It's a story that follows the friendship of two men, Manolo and Josemaria Escriva. Josemaria is a priest,  true-life canonized saint, and he just so happens to be the founder of Opus Dei.

My favorite line of the movie starts in a scene with Josemaria and Manolo meeting after not speaking to each other for some time. They have a very strained relationship and Manolo has many bitter feelings towards Josemaria. Manolo was commenting about how he left the seminary and says, "I always knew I wasn't priest material." To which Josemaria states,

"Just because you aren't priest material, doesn't mean you're not saint material."

Could St. Josemaria Escriva be any more correct?! I love that line because I think it is very relatable to each and every last one of us. It's that universal call to holiness that we are all meant to pursue. And it is kind of exciting! :)

I have read a little bit more on Josemaria and came across his teaching about the "Heroic Moment":

The first habit is the morning offering, when you kneel down and using your own words, or a formula, you briefly offer up all the day ahead for God's glory. What is not so simple is what has to happen before the offering. As the founder of Opus Dei put it "Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment, getting up on the dot, at a set time, without granting a single minute to laziness. If with the help of God, you conquer yourself in the moment, you have accomplished a great deal for the rest of the day. It's so discouraging to find yourself beaten in the first skirmish (The Way, 191). In my pastoral experience, those who can live the "heroic moment" in the morning and in the evening going to bed on time will have both the physical and spiritual energy throughout the day to stop what they are doing in order to live the other habits.

Anyone else up for the challenge?

Thank you, Jeremy

Wednesday was one of those days that I just wanted to wallow in bad thoughts. Oh sure, I could have bucked up and decided to get over things. However, it was almost liked I enjoyed torturing myself. I don't know if you can relate, but I am betting you can. It got to the point where it was hard to teach, to be around people, to pretty much function in general. Finally, I thought, "Why am I allowing myself to dwell on this?"

Needless to say, I don't think I was the greatest Christian example either of the past two days. Most especially Wednesday. Then again on Thursday I really had to watch myself with my welding boys. I was already worn thin and then I had to put up with the laziness of my fourth period welding class. The last hour of my day ended with me getting cussed out and the student getting written up. It's funny because I don't know what Jesus would do in some situations in my life. How would He love this kid?

But good thing life goes on, because today was a pretty good day. Mostly, thanks to Jeremy. On Wednesday I really wasn't very nice to him. In fact, if Jeremy would have treated me like I treated him on Wednesday, I probably would have tried to avoid me at all cost during the next class. But Jeremy worked hard all hour. He helped me help other people all hour. He swept off ALL the tables without me asking. He followed me around with a dustpan and swept up all my piles of dirt....again without me asking. He put up other people's tools at the end of the hour. He asked questions like, "Hey, are you done using the chopsaw for today? I am going to pick it up for you."

You better believe I noticed this. His actions were practically screaming at me. It made me extremely happy. So I started picking up all the mess that Aaron dragged out. Then before you know it, Aaron is not only just cleaning up his normal mess but putting forth a little more effort than usual. He swept way under the tables. He wrapped up the cables NICELY. And before I know it all the boys in the shop are amazing me and the shop looks pretty spic and span.

What a crazy chain reaction that occurred from the actions of Jeremy! And really during this whole process, I didn't hear a lot of talk. It was just getting the job done and a thank you here and there. And by golly nobody asked to leave class early because of the extra work they had done.

Then at the end of the hour Aaron says, "Today was a good day."

And that it was. Now I am left thinking- How can I apply this lesson to my sailors in 4th period? It shall be a fun test.

Promises

Life's been interesting lately. 


That's the long and short of it. ;) 


An important milestone has been reached! This past Monday, I celebrated my one-year anniversary of my baptism and entrance into the Catholic church. Whoop! I played hooky from school for a bit and caught a 7 am mass at Magdalene. With Lent in the recent past, and all of us still in the celebration of Easter, I have actually been thinking a lot about my baptismal promises that I made and then renewed again at the Easter Vigil.

V. Do you reject Satan?
R. I do.
V. And all his works?
R. I do.
V. And all his empty promises?
R. I do.
V. Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth?
R. I do.
V. Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was born of the Virgin Mary was crucified, died, and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father?
R. I do.
Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting?
R. I do.
V. God, the all-powerful Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has given us a new birth by water and the Holy Spirit, and forgiven all our sins. May he also keep us faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ for ever and ever.
R. Amen.


Even reading them once again right now I am wanting to yell "I do, I do, I do, I do!!" And then when I read them it is a tad frustrating because I KNOW I can and should do better. 


I guess Monday, and really a lot lately, I have been reminded constantly about God's love for me- one who professes so loudly how much she loves Him, yet seems to mess up all the time. But then He NEVER fails to still love me. 


I'll give two recent examples:


The first example happened on Divine Mercy Sunday. I did not want to go to mass. What!? I wanted to stay in bed and sleep. Two alarming things about that statement- I love love love Sundays......because I get to go to mass. Secondly, my mass isn't even until 10:30! 


Well  and actually, let's make that three alarming things. This was the Sunday after Easter......after all the baptismal vow renewing and here I was pondering skipping out on mass. Geesh people!


Even still, I laid in bed pressing my snooze several times, arguing with myself about why I should or shouldn't go to mass. Finally, I decided I was being extremely ridiculous and made myself get up. Due to my big debate in my head, I was late. It was also First Communion Sunday so there wasn't an empty seat in the house. So I stood the whole time in the back of the church. 


Then I got to kneel on the hard, cold floor. Which kind of seemed to fix everything. ;)


Second example- 


Monday was great. I had the chance to go to confession and mass. I received Him in the Eucharist. Magdalene is awesome, so I even went to adoration for a bit. I had time to drive and pray and relax. Time to reflect on how blessed I truly am. Time to give thanks to God for His love and bringing me to this faith. What a blessed morning!


Then I went to school...... 


And it was like my whole world was flipped-turned upside down. Honestly, I don't even know why. It wasn't like some horrible day. However, I do know by the end of the day I felt like I needed to go to confession again. :) "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was 8 hours ago....."


Luckily, it was a Monday aka adoration night. I hadn't been to Winfield in two weeks because of school events, so it was long overdue. Not surprisingly, it was a bit difficult for me to quiet myself after my day. However, I did read this in a book I brought in: 


"Practice poverty of heart by doing the following: If someone is angry at you today or you are angry with someone, let it go; if you feel hurt, let it go; if you are too busy to have a conversation, stop what you are doing and enter into conversation. Take one hour for silent prayer  today."


And I realized lately how much I haven't been letting things go. It is in fact our human nature and weakness to want to get angry when someone does something bad to us. It is our human nature to dwell on what someone did to hurt us. It is our human nature to take all this hurt and anger and not just let it go. Or even worse, to then take that anger and hurt and shoot it right back at them. Which in turn feeds the cycle. Why not just lay it at the foot of the cross and be done with it? Let Him help you. 


But back to the beginning, I guess the other long and short of it is this: 


There is nothing better than a day that starts and ends in adoration! 

You're Everything

I never thought this would happen- a post about American Idol. :) 

This week has been kind of crazy. I'm an ag teacher and it's March. But even more than that it has been a bit spiritually tiresome. I'm struggling a bit. So anyway, I finally took a 20 minute break to eat and breathe tonight. 

I turned on my TV to American Idol for some background noise. On came this:

And I think I am in love. This guy is talented! He plays the piano and sings and loves God. Did I mention he plays the piano!!!! Plus, not only does he love God, he is not afraid to show it on national television. He made my night. 

Peace!

Blogging Break

I am taking a blogging break. It might be several months. : ) Or a couple of weeks.

God Bless!

Sometimes I feel like this:

Teaching is awesome.....Why am I teaching?......Teaching is awesome.....Why am I teaching?......Teaching is awesome.

Sometimes, it really is that back and forth for me. Weirdly enough, this whole doubting my teaching career is a fairly recent thought that seems to sort of coincide with me becoming Catholic. Yeah, I really don't get it either. I do seem happiest when I am learning and doing things in my faith. However, am I on some kind of post-baptism high? Am I just super excited about my faith because it is so new? Am I going to be this zealous about my faith in a month, a year, five years, or fifty years from now? I don't know. I can only hope. In fact, I pray often that I never ceased to be amazed by the beauty of this faith. It is just so beyond beautiful. I don't ever want to lose it. And how does all this even have anything whatsoever to do with me being a teacher? Simply put, I guess it just all makes me think, is this where God wants me? And it sucks that I don't know the answer to that. 

Tonight, as I was grading Welding's toolboxes, I was pondering all the above and this: 

"I hate grading. It is without a doubt the worst part of my job. I hate grading. Why did I wait so long to grade these?"

Then I came across one of my student's toolboxes. This student has done a complete turnaround. He use to get on my nerves so much. Now he is respectful. I really, really look forward to having him in class. He actually helped me plan our next welding project the other day because he finished waaaaaaay before the other students. In fact, his whole class used to be a bunch of hellions. Perhaps they were bored. I don't know. Now they are borderline my favorite class. I know. I just went there. How could Welding be my favorite class?

First of all, just one particular class. The other two.....not really as enthused with them. However, this class has the kid (a different one that I also really enjoy) that commented how I never smiled. Okay, so I tried smiling. I really did try hard with these boys....and one girl. : ) I put forth extra effort in this class to be patient. Not that I am always great at this but I think it is starting to pay off. 

Anyway, so there is a reason I went from I hate grading, to grading isn't so bad. It was because I sent the turnaround kid's Mom an email tonight. In the past, this particular parent was a bit of a nuisance for me. I thought some of her emails a bit ridiculous. However, it felt awesome to send her an email about how awesome her son was doing lately. Then I thought, maybe it is as much as a turnaround kid as it is a turnaround teacher? Anyway, it just felt awesome to send her a positive email for once. That feeling is one reason why I love teaching. There really are a lot of reasons. And I guess we will end on that note for tonight. :)

Peace!

A Year Ago.....

A week and a half ago I said to my roommate Emily, "Wow it's almost Lent! I need to figure out what I am going to do."

Today it's Monday. Lent starts on Wednesday!!! Geesh,  Louise......I still need to figure out exactly what I intend to do.

when thinking of Lent, I can't help but think about my life last year at this point. I was getting ready to go to the Cathedral in Wichita for the Rite of Election.

What's it going to be like?

I get to see the Bishop!

Take a little break and check out this picture:

Fr. Mike, Bishop Jackels, Emmalee and Me at one of the Rite of Elections 2011

Haha. Funny stuff. I was beyond excited because I knew that by Emmalee and Father Mike finally telling me I could go to the Rite of Election that they thought I was ready. It meant I would be baptized on April 23rd, 2011 at the Easter Vigil. It also meant I would be joining in on the Eucharistic Feast soon! Please just try to tell me that last sentence didn't make you smile. :)

This time, last year, was one big-time, life-changing decision. Plus, this time last year is when I really picked up the awesome and life-changing little habit called adoration.

I also can't help but smile at some comments I had made when explaining my decision to others.

"I am still me. I am the same person, I am not really gonna change. Just because I am Catholic doesn't mean...."

Sometimes I am amazed at how much I try to make things not change. How I seem to love to have everything be never-changing. All I know is that I am sure glad I was completely and 100% wrong. :)

Going into this Lenten season, I what to take on this attitude. I want to keep things simple. I want to grow in my relationship with Him. I want to become a holier version of myself.

Then, at the end of Lent, and a few weeks into the Easter Season, I am so ready to celebrate my Baptism anniversary! :)

In Christ, Through Mary.

So You're Having a Bad Day?

It's okay. Just know He's right beside you, walking you through it.

Just go ahead and listen to this song. 

The beginning is completely awesome! 

Peace, people!

Things That Get Me Fired Up

Last Tuesday we had our school's homecoming assembly. I haven't been to one of these assemblies in a couple years. Since I travel to the middle school every morning to teach, I usually just work right through these things. However, I decided to go check things out this time around. 

Wow. It was horrible. I suspect you'd like a little background info. :) The way our homecoming assemblies work is that each of the 24 candidates are introduced and a bunch of nonsense is read about them. Honestly, it is not important information. Or at least 90% of the candidates don't really take it seriously. Plus, throughout the whole event the student body in the audience is not very respectful. At all. Perhaps the biggest letdown of this whole event was the attire. Geesh! It was not appropriate whatsoever. Yeah the girls were beautiful, but I felt like I was looking at them on stage buck-naked! They did not leave much to the imagination. And then one of the boys ditched his pants last minute and walked out with just his wrestling singlet....and coat jacket. That was awkward. 

So I sat through the whole thing, thinking, "My girls are watching this!". Yes, I have some awesome, AWESOME young ladies I teach. However, I know some of them deal with body issues and this whole assembly was just pissing me off. Plus, then I though, "My boys are watching this!". The thought that I might be overreacting did cross my mind, but I still wrote this letter to my administration and the sponsors that put on the assembly. 

I am not really sure how to type this email without it coming off as complaining to you. Just know that that is not really my intent. I attended the homecoming assembly today and was a little concerned about a few things. None of them really with how the teachers that organized it personally ran the event. I know they put in a lot of effort outside of the classroom on these things and it is a job very few of us would take on. So thank you for that.

Mainly, I would like to just express my concern with the dress code of the students in the assembly. In my opinion, there were only three out of the twelve girls that were wearing school appropriate attire. I realize this is a special event, but I can’t help but wonder what kind of message we are sending our students? These ladies were very beautiful in their dresses. However, I feel they were being really objectified. I realize my views on modesty and appropriate dresses to wear may not match up to societal norm; but that is not really the point. The point is we are telling all the young women in our student body that they all should be wearing skin-tight, super-short dresses. I am not okay with that. They get this message everywhere they turn and I think we should try our best to teach them otherwise every chance we get. The fact that these young ladies were in next to nothing really made me feel uncomfortable. I thought about this the whole time the scripts were being read. I can only imagine what a sixteen-year-old boy was thinking.

While the boys were better, I think there is also room for improvement. The only thought I really have about the boys is trying to enforce a stricter dress code. I think it is safe to say that sometimes our students do not take this assembly as seriously as they ought to. I know it seems like it is an impossible task to try to get the students to not yell or say inappropriate things during these events. However, if we enforced a stricter dress code and asked boys to wear slacks and a button up/tie, I think we would eliminate the instinct for a student to yell, “nice bulge!” out from the audience. If the participants on the stage take this event more seriously- as an honor- maybe our student body would too. Is there a way to enforce a dress code that will enhance the effect of the assembly?

Also, while I feel the students might enjoy getting to select songs to play for themselves, it seems to take away from the overall effect of the program. Can we honestly say that playing “I’m a Flirt” or “Ride Wit Me” is really appropriate? I even admit to being an old school Nelly fan but I just don’t feel a song talking about getting high should be in a school assembly.  I think an easy fix would be to select one song and play it for everybody.

In general, I feel we should try to take this homecoming assembly to a point where it is a honor to be up on stage. After all, it is in fact just that. It should not be an event where we see who gets the biggest laughs. As teachers at this high school we get to set the standards of what our events are like. Let’s set the standards high and teach kids how to respect their peer’s accomplishments.

Let me know what you think! Once again, I appreciate all your hard work. Also, I don’t believe I could very well write this letter without offering some assistance to you. I am more of a behind the scenes type of girl. However, I’d be willing to help if we could make the assembly more school appropriate. Thanks for reading!

Sincerely, 

Kasie

Whew! I felt better after that! A couple of sad things that I also discovered that day:

I discussed the assembly with my Horticulture students. I said, "Guys can we talk about the assembly today?"

All heads turn my way. Wow a very attentive audience. I say, "I don't think it was completely bad...."

"No, Ms. Bogart it was BAD!"

Many of them thought it as horrible as me. They agreed that those girls should have been wearing more clothes. However, this comment was made, "Yeah those are the clothes we should wear when we are 20. Or when we go to the clubs." 

This is what is said, NOOOOOO!  Don't wear them when you go to the clubs, people! You have to be safer than that. They did not get this. They thought I was off my rocker for the most part. 

Then, there were also several young men that made stupid comments about "not seeing anything wrong with what they were wearing." Honestly, I have no idea how to help that problem. 

Second thing that is kinda sad- It happened almost a week ago and I have yet to get a reply from my administration. The teacher in charge replied and it was very productive. Being ignored sucks.

Kind of a funny thing- Right after I sent this letter I walked in the teacher lounge and started reading the newspaper. Bad idea. Came across "The Gospel of Barack" and that just fired me up even more!

Fight on brothers and sisters! Peace.

On Faith and Feelings

Oh no, she's gonna talk about her feelings again.........

Yep. Because yesterday as I went about my day I couldn't help but feel so LOVED all day. I am not sure what it was about yesterday but it was just a really good day.

This great day had me praising God all day. Honestly, that was my thought pretty much all day. God you are so GREAT! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Which made things even better. :) So then I proceeded with more praises. Repeat, repeat, repeat!

In the midst of all this goodness I was very much aware of my tendency to fly really high and sink really low. Which is something I have been trying to work on lately. When I am having a tough day, I need to remember the good days and then go about having my bad day calmly. Remembering that most of what is bothering me at the time really isn't that big of a deal. Then when I am have a wonderful day- to praise God every chance I get.

I got this Regnum Chrisit email last week and it was pretty fitting:

2. Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings: It is important to remember two principles about our feelings. First, we are not to treat them as if they were the infallible compass of our spiritual lives. Second, their lack of support does not mean that Our Lord is abandoning us. We can easily forget these two principles and blindly follow our feelings, persuasions and seductions. We can wrongly confuse feelings with faith. This believing woman beautifully shows the attitude we must maintain. Her example of humility in the face of Jesus’ seemingly hostile rebuke truly astounds us. No rebellion, no complaints, no resentments, no pity party. She remains determinedly fixed on Christ. She maintains a spirit of humility and faith in him who has the power to deliver her daughter from the devil. Am I capable of persisting in my prayer even when it seems Our Lord is turning a deaf ear?

Conversation with Christ: Lord, let me not confuse faith with feelings. Let me not confuse trust with mere sentiment.  Never let me reduce my relationship with you to feelings, no matter how pleasurable or worthy I think they may be at that moment. Help me to remain humble in my dispositions and firm in my convictions, seeking only to trust, love and please you.

Resolution: When I experience pleasant, worthy or helpful feelings, I will thank and praise God, and I will channel these feelings toward what is more relevant: living out the deeper virtue of faith.

Peace!

Catholic Conundrum # 5: Liturgy of the Hours/Divine Office/Morning, Evening.....and Night Prayer and all the times of the day I don't yet know about. :)

Whew. That title about wore me out!


But seriously this whole prayer of the Church thing is pretty epic but at times a little confusing. Luckily, I am extremely blessed to have had a few very nice and patient sisters in Christ help me out. Plus, I am all rather new at this whole faith sharing business so I am grateful they have put up with my awkwardness.


Unfortunately, I can't recall the first time I prayed evening or morning prayer. I actually think it was at Sojourn.......but I can't be for certain. I remember thinking....huh? And okay can I leave now?


All this talk about Zion.....whatever that is :) and playing lutes and harps and timbrels. Actually, my confusion on this was simply my lack of reading pretty much anything in the Psalms tab of my Bible growing up. What does it all mean?!! haha


On top of this there are what seems a bajillion.....okay at least three prayer books you could get for the Liturgy of the Hours: Shorter Christian Prayer, Christian Prayer and the four volume one. Oh and you can get it on your cell phone. Plus, various saint related or Marian versions. Don't forget your nook or kindle as well!


However, the more I pray this form of prayer the more beautiful it gets to me. It seems to be constructed so perfectly. When I read about something I have been thinking about.....or feeling about, it gives me hope. Besides that, think of all the billions of Catholics worldwide united in this prayer. Wow. It certainly doesn't get better than that. Which leads to me to another thought- I wonder out of all the 1.18 billion Catholics worldwide, how many of us practice this faithfully? What would happen if we all did? :)


One last funny- I recently learned the difference in Evening prayer and Night prayer. As in like this past Friday recently. I had no idea about the little Night prayer section in my book. I knew it was on my phone but thought it was pretty much the same thing. I made a couple comments to a friend about the awesomeness of something I prayed about during evening prayer......... admittedly these comments where late-r night comments. So brought forth the questions------are you doing night prayer or evening prayer? Ummmmmm.....evenight. That's one right?


So my learning continued. :) I was like do you know how hard it is for me to do evening prayer that early?! (Yes, such a rough life). I was used to doing it right before bed. How was I to break a habit I have been doing for a whole......three weeks? And because I was getting a bit of crap for my sleeping and prayer habits I made this:

Yes, I copied off that genius who made the "And With Your Spirit" one.


Now off to figure out the correct times for all the other prayers.

A Modern Day Leper

On Friday, I had an epic failure of a day. It was not good. However, I have had a few days to process, grow and learn. Which means that failure of a day, maybe wasn't really so much a failure of a day after all. 

It basically starts at about 9:00. I had just finished praying morning prayer. The reading from Friday practically soared out of the pages right into my heart:

“No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. [And] be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.”

This was significant because I was getting ready to have a tough conversation with one of my students. This student was one that I care for very much and one that was disappointing me lately. I was struggling with how I was suppose to hold this student accountable for her actions yet “start all over” and forgive her. All week, and most especially that morning, I had been praying for wisdom on how to handle the situation. Then I read this and thought, “Okay, I can do this.”

Meeting time. I actually start out by handing her my prayer book and saying, “Here I read this for my morning prayer this morning and I think you need to read this before we talk.” Although not Catholic, she’s a fellow Christian and is used to this type of thing from me, so she smiles, takes the book and reads it.

“See, we gotta be nice to each other.”

Then 40 seconds later, we are both saying stupid things and are both extremely frustrated with each other. Why do conversations like this happen? Especially, when you try very deliberatively for them not to happen?

What upset me the most was I prayed for help. I prayed and read the reading. I was determined to let things go. But it didn’t happen like that. It was a failure of a conversation. And I knew it immediately after it was finished. I had done completely the opposite of what I intended to do and what I knew Jesus wanted me to do. It sucked.

Of course it was on my mind all day. I began doubting. 

Is it possible to REALLY be Christ-like in today's world? Like, really? There are tons of good, spiritual, really nice people I know. But Christ-like? 

So immediately I begin thinking- 

"Of course, what's the point otherwise......."

"But it seems so impossible!"

"But the saints, Kasie, the saints."

"It's different now- let's see St. Francis live today."

I admit. All horrible thoughts. I was seriously wrestling with this question really hardcore. The more I go "fishing with Jesus" the more complicated life gets. The more I realize I have so much work to do. Then when I am struggling and not so strong, the Devil creeps in, and puts stupid ideas in my head that make me think that all of this, all that Jesus asks us to do, is impossible.

Thankfully, I have backups. Backups that stand strong in their faith when I am doubting mine. Backups that send me a an email that is a beautiful, poetic depiction of the suffering of Jesus. Backups that remind me that it wasn't about me, them, or that student. It is and always has been that Jesus died for us and for our sins. He died for that conversation. He took care of me and everybody else a loooooooong time ago. 

Then this back-up sends me scriptural evidence, which was very much needed:

"Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ." He never asks you to do the impossible. 

Little did I know I'd see this again later this weekend. Little did I know I was going to get to lector all about this later that weekend too. Hmmmm. Funny guy, that Jesus. 

And we haven't even got to the evening prayer part yet. :) 

Let's go on a journey through Friday's evening prayer.........

Antiphon 1: Lord, lay your healing hand upon me, for I have sinned. 

Hmmmmm............that's an understatement. 

"thus even my friend, in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has turned against me." 

Then......

"Teach us to come to the aid of the needy in a spirit of brotherly love, that we in turn may be received and strengthened by you." 

That is, of course, what I needed to have done. 

Then all of Psalm 46 is pretty much awesomeness. 

"....by endurance and encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to think in harmony in with one another...." 

Lastly, "Christ loved us and washed away our sins, in his own blood."

It was so odd. Like it was all suppose to happen like that. :) Like me being determine and knowing that I had that conversation in the bag. Failing. Being humbled. Doubting. Humbled some more. Realizing (again) why Jesus died for us. Then being filled to the brim with HOPE!

So why title this post a "Modern Day Leper"? Really, I'm not. I might feel that way at times. Ah feelings.......

But for fun, let's just say we are all actually modern day lepers in some form or fashion. Sometimes we may be excluded from people- our friends, or even our families. Sometimes we may feel like the world hates us. We are in pain. We are suffering. Our hearts are broken. 

We all feel like this at some point in our lives. But guess what? 

A leper came to Jesus and kneeling down begged him and said,
"If you wish, you can make me clean."
Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand, 
touched him, and said to him,  
"I do will it. Be made clean."

Oh, the things He teaches us! So blessed!