Hugs From God

My First Easter: Written February 21st, 2011
-This specific blog post was written during the time period I was converting to Catholicism


Good day. Bad Day. Goodish Day. Freaking awesome day!!! Fun times. BAAAAA times. Why do I feel so up and down? I would say that I have never really been the type of person that rides such a roller coaster. Yes, I cry at movies, books and TV shows but I would consider myself emotionally strong.....outside of those things. : ) But it sure seems like lately I am sitting front and center on the world's craziest roller coaster ride ever. I really have no explanation for this. I remember thinking that, "You know, I have never had God on my mind more than lately. I pray more than ever. Is this why I feel so emotional?" Maybe.

But even though I feel so up and down. I feel like once again it is just bringing me closer to Him. Monday was a particularly good night.....at least the ending. I shared with an old student, John, about being super excited about joining the Catholic church and getting baptized. It was by far the best (okay second best....more to come in sec) conversation I had had all day. Probably one of the best I have had this month. I love talking about this type of thing with people who get it. Like people who just don’t nod their head and say “That’s really great to hear (aka I am only kinda sincerely happy for you and can we please talk about something else because church talk makes me uncomfortable).” It was just great getting to share with someone that understood my excitement and that really understood how meaningful this whole experience is becoming for me. So I was all happy and smiley and sorta....giddy.

So it was great. That conversation with John made me feel beyond blessed. I felt blessed that every time I have had this conversation with the people in my life that they have been great conversations! People I would have never talked about faith with, I now am. And even if they are just barely digging beneath the surface of how I am feeling it’s okay because it feels so good to talk. I get random emails from friends or a phone call from my Grandma….all talking about Him. It just makes me so happy.

Anyway, so at this point on my roller coaster ride we were at the top of the biggest hill. It was great and all I wanted to do that night when I left the school was talk to Him. Tell Him how excited I was. How amazed I was by Him. How thankful I was. How blessed I was to have Him in my life. So that is what I did. Then it hit me. I was in a relationship with Him. But wasn’t I before? I thought so, but I know now that I wasn’t fully and truly. Monday night was the first time I had ever truly got that feeling. I had always heard about people and their relationships with God. About how in love they were with Him. But now I am starting to understand.

After chatting with Him and just sharing with Him normal things I would share with to a person, I felt amazed in how my feelings had changed. Plus knowing how much my relationship has changed in the past month, I just know that I am not capable of fully understanding how much my love for Him is going to continue to grow. Which is awesome! I am loving Him more and more and more each day.

I guess you can’t have two good days in a row in this here modern world……because Tuesday…..oh bless your heart….you sucked! And really like I said before, there is no rational explanation as to why Tuesday was such a hard day for me. Nothing really bad happened to me. It was just not good and it was hard to have positive thoughts. Which once you get on that path it is hard to switch it back I guess. So once again I am chatting with God. It was late that night, like 11:30 or so. I remember praying, “God I just need you. I need you to hug me all day tomorrow. Just be with me.”

I probably have the stupidest prayers sometimes, but I am okay with that. : ) I knew that I at least needed to think about how He was with me always. That if things were bad again tomorrow, all I needed to do was think about, at that very moment, that He was hugging me. : ) Pray to Him. So Wednesday, I was armed with those thoughts and my hugs from Him. Things were really looking up. I thought about my hugs a lot that day…..and I like to think that is what made my day. : ) Nothing can really beat a hug from God. Except maybe hugs ALL DAY! : )

Baby, You're a Firework

Well it was the Fourth of July. I love this holiday!! My chapter officer retreat was just around the corner, and I got this idea to center it around fireworks. I pretty sure that idea had nothing to do with the fact that it was the 4th. lol So it was about 7 o'clock that night when I convinced two of my sistas to visit the fireworks stand close to the highway. I had this idea to get sparklers to use at our chapter officer retreat. I also had a few ideas rolling around in my head about how to draw correlations between a fireworks show and the role of a FFA officer/team. It is kinda of funny actually. Later that night my sister, Kaitie and I had a big discussion on this as the fireworks burst in the sky. She helped me generate some pretty good ideas. I was getting pretty excited for retreat!!

So sometimes I do get a little carried away with ideas and such........ended up making a video and writing this reflection thing. The video is to the song Firework by Katy Perry. One of my students, MB, is extremely talented at singing, so naturally I recruited her to help me make the video. She must really like me because I made her sing Katy Perry, a singer she is not fond of. We actually had quite a bit of fun tweaking the lyrics and recording her voice. I could listen to MB sing all day!

And because I can't do anything short and sweet, the firework thing turned into something really long. But I think it turned out pretty good at retreat.

This is how I keep myself busy during the summertime. Enjoy!

Firework Video




And here is the Firework Reflection, copied and pasted. : ) It is long, so if you read it all, BYH. : )


Firework Reflection

Close your eyes. Imagine with me that tonight we are about to watch the greatest fireworks display that we have ever seen. It is going to be spectacular. Full of colors bursting in the sky. Many zip upwards and then crackle as they burst. Some stream down their colors like a weeping willow. You feel the earth shake and then feel the boom in your chest as the fireworks explode above you. And pardon me for stealing some Jason Mraz lyrics but “behind closed eyes you could not make them go away”. It is a beautiful sight to see. But wait here comes the grand finale….

Let’s pretend that we are the fireworks. Our firework show has been going on for three years now. We have definitely had some moments of awe sprinkled here and there but we have also experienced the disappointment of a dud. We have planned this awesome show, even debated between which firework to purchase, we are excited to light it and then after lighting the fuse…..nothing. It is very disappointing. So tonight I will share with us three lessons I have learned from watching the shows in the sky over the years, that can prevent us from having a dud.

Short-lived but they do have the capability to leave an impact

Each of you have pretty much one year left in your firework show. Which may seem kind of scary but actually it is very exciting. Think of the impact you can make on the members in your chapter this year. Actually, think of the impact you must make on the members of your chapter this year. When the members close their eyes after the grand finale, let the colors of the firework show still blaze on their eyelids. We must provide in their hearts the excitement that we have for this organization. We must empower them and get them involved. As seniors your firework show must lay a good foundation for future years.

So we have one year. How can our firework show be more impactful? It is important that we work together as a team. We can’t have one firework exploding now and another one here and then the rest two months from now. We can leave a greater impact if we help and support each other as a team. All of us here today have history with each other. We have good things and bad things among us. That is how life works. We have to overcome differences that arise throughout the year so to better serve our members.

So let’s take a step back from the firework analogy discuss something. Think about a team you have been on or a group of people that you have been associated with that has meshed extremely well. Think about how the people treated each other. How can we model the behavior of this team to make us a more united front? How can we, as an officer team, maintain a positive relationship throughout the year?



(Have one volunteer light a sparkler, everyone watches)


Questions:
Was it fun to just watch that person? How many of you wanted to join? Person with the sparkler, do you think it would have been more fun with other people lighting their sparklers too?



Differences in fireworks

If you think about it, we all have our favorite kinds of fireworks. Unless you’re like my friend Katie who pretty much loves all fireworks like she is a 10 year-old boy. But, some of us really like the simple elegance of the gold and white colors. Some of us like a party in the sky, filled with multi-colored fireworks. Some like the ones that sizzle, crackled, crack or boom. Some even like the ones with different shapes. We are all attracted to different things. Let us remember this point as we are planning our activities for the year. It is okay to provide our members with different events. It is even okay to do things completely different. There is absolutely nothing that can take your breathe away like a brand new, unexpected firework. In fact, if we do this don’t be surprise to hear people say, “Did you see that last one?! It was awesome!” If we want our members to stay excited it is our responsibility to provide something for everyone.

Let’s take another step back. What has been the best activity we have ever done as a chapter? What gave you the most joy? Why was it fulfilling to you?



Present sparklers to the group. This time present different options. When they go for the better ones, make them do something extra.

Questions:

How did you feel when you had to do extra work to get a different or better option? These sacrifices are small compared to the ones you will have to make during the year. What do you think those will be?

More than just six fireworks

Lastly, and perhaps the most important lesson we can learn from fireworks. We need each other. One firework isn’t even worth a person’s time. Six fireworks are bound to hold people’s attention for a time, but can hardly expect to leave an impact. In fact, imagine going to a fireworks show and the grand finale had 6 fireworks. That, my friends, would definitely be a dud. As a finale, we need more than just us eight. It is our duty to set others off, so that they can explode in the sky right alongside us. We must reach out and genuinely care about the other members in our chapter. Talk to them and get to know more than just our circle of normal friends. I know this isn’t always easy. We have bonds in this room right now that have already been built. Ones that we feel comfortable with and can have fun with. These are still important but imagine what could happen if we expand our circles and include more people.

To convince you even more, let’s take a step back from the fireworks comparison. And let’s have a little time to think and share. I would like you to think of a time you felt excluded or left out. Then think of who helped you out of this. What specifically did they do that made you feel included?



Thanks for sharing so openly. It is our task to do these things that you just mention to try to ignite the other fireworks in our chapter. Our year will be so much more fulfilling if we can include more and more people.


So in conclusion you guys are the 2011-2012 Ark City FFA Chapter Officers. I hope that each of you is truly excited to be able to dedicate a year to our members. As an officer, this doesn’t make you more important than the other members. However, they will look to you for excitement and to know how do act. So we must be united to leave that impact, provide them multiple opportunities to be involved, and most importantly be inviting. We are nothing without the rest of our members and we must ignite them so they can shine too!

Cooper Moment Numero Dos---- I LOVE this kid : )

So I once again got to spend some quality time with my family. Kami came down for the day and brought Cooper and Brynley with here. I was actually doing a little work at the school and my Mom called and told me we were going to go eat at El Magueys at around noon thirty. Yum, Yum.

So I drove to my Mom’s and walked into a greeting fit for a king. ☺ As I open the door, I hear voices, say Boot’s here, you better go get her!. Then comes the stampede and hugs! And Boots, boots, boots. Aw they make me so happy. Man, if we all were greeted this way, life would be exceptional at all times. Lol

So happies ‘o the day:

- Me telling Brynley, “B, you are growing up so fast. You must stop this!” Only for her to laugh at me and say “but I can’t help it!”. But she seriously needs to stop growing up!

- Breaking chips for Cooper at El Magueys and handing them to him. And having him say “Thank you” after each and every one. How cute.

- Praying with Cooper. : )

So I would like to expand on this last one. In the life of a little boy, Cooper, had had one heck of a day. A trip to Mimi’s, time with his aunts, chips and salsa, pop, bug juice, candy, and swimming! When mention of a nap crept up he was none too excited. What’s this, he said, "you want to cut my fun short?" So he cried and cried and escaped multiple times as I changed him from his pool diaper to normal clothes. He actually found it quite amusing to run around the house naked. : ) But alas I took him to the spare room for a nap and then all he wanted was his Mimi. So my mom went in the room to lay with him, swimming suit and all. In the process, got the bed all wet and Cooper still didn’t fall asleep. So side-note.....if I remember correctly, if I would have laid on a bed/couch/chair in my swimming suit when I was younger, oh man I would have been in trouble. Tsk, tsk Mom. : )

So I told everyone to just go back out and swim and I would take care of Cooper. He wasn’t too happy still. But I walked in closed the door amidst all his screaming. I talked to him a little but that seemed to upset him. I noticed the water spot on the bed from my mom and rummage around for a blanket. This got him to quiet a little because he was interested in what I was doing. I laid the blanket on the bed again. He started crying again.

So I laid down anyways and he was right beside me and still crying. So I do the most plausible thing I could think of. I started to fake snore. And it worked. He was no longer crying but still awake just watching me fake snore. So then I decided to stop fake snoring. Of course, the whole time this was happening, my eyes were closed…..but not all the way. Haha So then I started to pray the rosary in my head. I didn’t even make it through the first decade before he adjusted his sheet, put his thumb in his mouth, and closed his eyes to fall asleep. I finished my rosary. Thanked God for giving me such humble reminders to be more like my nephew (not the screaming part) and snapped a photo of the sleeping boy just for good measures.


It was a great afternoon. Blessed.

How I Survived Vegas

It is currently about 1 am in Vegas. That puts us at about 3 am Kansas-time. Oh Vegas, I can honestly say I have very mixed feelings about you.

So my highlights of the trip: people watching, random free 80's concerts on Fremont Street, Fremont Street in general (waaaay classier than The Strip), the rollercoaster, Bellagio fountains, seeing Pee Wee Herman, Optimus Prime, Elvis and Ozzy all hang out on the street together, $1 frozen strawberry margaritas, and last but not least getting some quiet time in The Shrine of the Most Holy Redeemer. Oh that last one was good. : )

But just let me say, I knew Vegas was Sin City and a little crazy, but it is waaaay crazier than I had imagined! This Vegas trip was a 5 day extravagaza with my Dad, sister Kamo and her husband Ryan. We also met up with a couple of Ryan's friends. And after the first day and a half I was pretty much ready to go home. Don't get me wrong it was fun but holy cow it was just so hectic. I mean I can only gamble so much and only drink so many strawberry margaritas before I am done. I was really starting to feel "heavy" after a day and a half in this atmosphere.

In Vegas' defense I will say I do often times find it harder to maintain my normal prayer routine while not at home. But it was actually really getting to me. It was Saturday and I was thinking I don't know if I can wait until Sunday. lol So while everyone else went to the pool, I went walking. I wanted to find the church I was going to attend mass at on Sunday and time how long it took for me to get there. It was a little over a mile away. It ended up taking me about 40 minutes just to walk there. That should tell you how hectic it is here and how long it takes to walk anywhere. Then it also started to rain on me. In the desert. But I finally made it!

Needless to say, although I hadn't intended to go to mass this day, I ended up staying for and hour and a half before the 4 o'clock mass. Just imagine being surrounded by the constant ringing of the slots, the blaring music, dancing girls, men handing out x-rated photos to EVERY passing person on the street, people out of control, people drinking straight from hard liquor bottles, and seeing kids take all these sights in. And then imagine how good walking into a holy place felt for me. It was peaceful and quiet and exactly what I needed.

Now don't get me wrong.....this is where my mixed feeling come in. Those things seem horrible and it sounds like I had a horrible time. But really I didn't. But I did find myself struggling more with things. I felt myself weaken.

Take the dancing girls for example. They are usually right by the poker tables in just about every casino. They come out in the later hours of the evening. They wear almost nothing and just dance. I guess these are a new addition because my Dad told me they weren't here last time he was in Vegas.

Now I have never been to a strip club. But I totally felt like I was in one at times. It was crazy to watch the people watching these girls. These girls were beautiful. But I couldn't help but wish that people would stop staring at them. You would look around the casino and they would captivate the attention of men, women, and yes even a couple of children. Sometimes it was even hard for me to look away. Me. Wait, what? It was just so strange. I wanted to let them know that this job that they had isn't what makes them beautiful. So I don't know really where I am going with this little ramble but to say.......

Vegas puts everything to the extreme. Excessive gambling. Excessive eating. Excessive drinking. Excessive temptations. Unless you can control it. And I believe that you can have a perfectly fun time and not overdo it. However, when you surround yourself with things that naturally tempt you, you will find it is a very hard battle to win. You may find that it weighs you down. Plus, if you are in an environment, you will get the good and the bad from just being there. So even if you don't want to partake in paying money for a hooker, you will see the nude cards of the girls scattered all over the sidewalks. You aren't immune to these things.

The same goes for life in general. We are a product of what we put into our bodies. What we read, where we go, who we hang out with. This all matters. This concept reminds me of a book I read while out here in Vegas called The Traveler's Gift. It was about a man, who after a car crash, visited 7 different people in history that then provided him with Seven Decisions that could help turn his life around and impact the people in his life tremendously. It was a pretty good read. Here is the second decision he was given:

I will seek wisdom.

It talks about choosing the right things to immerse yourself in to bring positive change for you and your relationships. It talks about choosing the right friends. I liked this part:

"If I associate with chickens, I will learn to scratch at the ground and squabble over crumbs. If I associate with eagles, I will learn to soar to great heights. I am an eagle. It is my destiny to fly."

I will seek wisdom. I will be a servant to others.

The book also had a few good stories that I think will be useful to share with my FFA officers at retreat!

So yes, Vegas, you area nice place to visit. But I will sure be happy to get home tomorrow and then get to adoration that night! : )

Catholic Conundrum #1: Confessions

So as a newbie to the Catholic faith I frequently find myself in a few puzzling situations, hence the conundrum. : ) It's all good though because I can usually laugh about them later. You have to have a sense of humor in life. Plus, I don't think God minds. : )

So many of these situations have already happened....... A LOT actually. So I will do some back-tracking at some point. But here is the newest addition and it deals with dun dun dun.......

Confession!

More specifically confession numero dos. Before two comes first.....So my first confession actually occurred after Easter and after I was baptized. So I was one of the lucky ones that doesn't have to do first confession before becoming Catholic but even luckier still to be completely wiped clean.....for awhile at least.

It was a crazy cool experience. Perfect in fact. A few details just so you can understand my second confession. My first was face to face. And the priest was pretty much awesome. It was also at a retreat. So maybe a little out of the normal situation. I think he was able to help me more than normal.

So second go-around. I go to a church in Wichita with the intention of getting there early and going to confessions. I walk in and freak out a little bit. The reason for my mini freak out was that I couldn't really find where the confessionals were. I was all prepared to go and then I couldn't find where to go in the church. So I actually start praying.... "I am sorry and I'll go as soon as I can but I can't find the freaking thing!" Kinda like that anyway. : )

But then, I look up and I see a person by the wall.......and I am like ooohhhhhhhh. So I had already wasted a bunch of time and during the week they only hear confessions for a short amount of time before the beginning of mass. So I go to the wall even thought there is probably like 7 minutes left. My notecard, aka cheat sheet, for the order of things is in my pocket. My hand is on my notecard. Out walks a guy.

Yay, I mean crap, my turn. So I go into the confessional. It was a bigger room than I expected. I could choose the chair or the screen. I chose the screen this time. I kneel down and really didn't know when to start. He goes "You can start now." Definitely in a very mean, mean, scary voice. For sure. : )Just trust me on this. And I am like all flustered because I am thinking "I thought you start.....you know..... in the name of the Father..." But he didn't. And I didn't. blah.

So he says again "Go ahead, start now!" Once again.......mean voice. So because I thought he should have started the sign of the cross, I just start with the "Bless me Father part...."

Ugh. So I felt rushed and like I did it wrong. And I wasn't a huge fan of the priest by the end of it. Then he gave me my penance; Three Hail Marys. What? I was thinking....I do this anyway. I was expecting something more related to what I was talking to him about....like my first confession. But over all it was much less personable. But after thinking about this, I guess it's ok. Afterall, I was running out of time before mass, and had never gone to this confessor before.

Regardless of all that conundrumness.......it was good. It was good to familarize myself with getting used to this sacrament. It was good to kinda dive right in again. And since then I have learned more about the sacrament of reconciliation through the many pamphlets and books about this. Yes, I am a nerd but I do feel more comfortable about confessions now. Need some more experience though.

And yes I do expect many more confession conundrums.....in fact I just experienced another two days ago. More on that next time! : )

Cooper Moments and Baby Dreams

Much, much, much to blog about. Unfortunately, only one thing at a time. At least I will try one thing at a time, anyway. : ) This (like most things I blog about) has actually been stirring around in my head for awhile now. But I am glad I waited a few days!

So in life we enjoy many different roles or relationships. One that I find completely and utterly refreshing and amazing is my role as an aunt. My sister Kami, has two kids Brynley (5) and Cooper (2). Oh man, these kids.......they can melt my heart. Everyone needs kids like these. For reals. They can make me buy them $5 popcorn and $4 sodas without blinking an eye. They can make me answer to such silly names such as "Boots" (Thank you Cooper). They can simply astound me with their matter-of-fact-thoughts, "Jesus is the light and we should tell that to everyone we know." And oh my gosh, they have the best smiles and HUGS. Children are truly a blessing.

A few things have proven this to me. I would like to share what I call the "Cooper Moment". My nephew Cooper was about 1 1/2 at the time this happened. Not able to talk.....at least in real people language. Baby language- well he had that covered. Here is a remarkable story.

My cousin Cortney had just passed away. She was involved in a car accident that flipped into a river and she and the person she was with drowned in the river. Cortney was my age, 26 at the time. Too young to die. It was definitely a hard time for my Aunt and Uncle and their other daughter Grace, an 8th grader. Well after Cortney's funeral we all went over to my Uncle Bruce's house in Oxford. It was the typical eat and try to be normal kind of thing.

At these things, I can honestly say the person who is without a doubt, the most comforting to me, is Bryn or Coop. They just are. And this past year I have been in a few situations with Cortney's and Papa's and Grandpa Selenke's funerals where they helped me through. In fact, I will NEVER forget walking out of the church at Papa's funeral and scooping Brynley up for a hug. It was like all my emotions were just let go. And of course she couldn't see because she was hugging me. : )

But back to my uncles house. I usually end up spending a lot of time with the kiddos at family events. I might just be called the crazy aunt. Which might just be because I am a crazy person. I don't now; just rumors. So I was playing cool games with the kids in the living room. Grace was also there. She was chilling on a pillow. I was chilling on the recliner and was playing a game that involved Cooper, running from me to Kaitie. Kinda like a "I-am-gonna-get-you-type-of-game". These games are also usually frowned upon by adults (yes I am one of those) in a house setting. Nonetheless, we played. Sometimes, Cooper would need prompting where to run......I don't know...... he was still a young fella. So this particular time I was pointing and saying run to Kaitie!

This is where it begins to get remarkable. Cooper runs straight to Grace. Climbs up in her lap and wraps those little arms around her neck. And he stays here. All night. He would not go to anybody else.

Mama's boy, Cooper, did this. At this point in Cooper's life, I am pretty sure I hadn't even held him as much as Grace was holding him. It was beyond out of character for Cooper. It was freaking crazy!!!

So there you have it. A bonifide "Cooper Moment" as I like to call them. Proof that there is a God. Proof that He is definitely with us. Proof that He is there healing us in our suffering. And really the first time I can recall that I felt I was in God's company.

Who else could have even began to comprehend the pain and hurt in Grace's heart. Yeah, she was hangin in there. But this 13 year old had just lost a sister. Oh.....I can't imagine the pain of losing one of my siblings. My mind is too small to comprehend that kind of loss. Just as my mind is too small to comprehend that amount of love Jesus has for us. It is amazing really. But Cooper could sense it. It was like he was able to communicate with God and that God was telling, or prompting, Cooper to love Grace. I don't feel I can do the story justice but I do know it was definitely a point that helped me grow in my faith. I also know it had to have given Grace a lighter heart that night. Hopefully, a small glimmer of hope amongst all the sadness.

So this prompted discussion with a friend on "Cooper Moments". To put some things into perspective.....this was probably a month or so before I solidified my desire to convert to Catholicism. I was so fired up about this. It was the closest to God I had ever been. It was beyond AMAZING!! I wanted to share this story with people but I also wanted to hear their stories. Like when have you truly really felt God in your presence? I think it was safe to say I was completely in awe of God and this new concept. I mean, I definitely considered myself a Christian, but this made my head spin!

So fast-forward to just a few days ago. Cooper is now a big boy....2 since Marth 12th. : ) He is now a little bit more improved on real people language. However, he does think my name is Boots. I don't know....he's cute. Anyway, on to another kid- Warren. My amiga (his Mom) Lindsay, was coming over to get crazy! Yep, we were about to watch some redbox movies and make individual mini pizzas! Also, she was bringing her little guy, Warren, who I believe is somewhere in the range of 8 weeks old. He is still a small little guy.....but definitely growing!

Warren was making these cute little twitching faces as he was falling asleep, so we got into this conversation about children and what we believe is their inherent ability to communicate with God. The best part is.....it probably happened to us too. We just can no longer remember this, as we have grown up and lost our little kid innonence. We were actually debating on what babies dream about. They can't possibly dream like us.....they don't know anything yet. Is it a nice comfy blanket, snuggled up in their mom's arms? Do they dream in shapes? Maybe it's noises? Or our personal favorite.....do they dream of angels?

We don't know....for as smart as we are, we are dumb in this area. But I do now this:

Matthew 11: 25-30

"I give praise to you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and learned you have revealed them to the little ones. Yes, Father, such has been your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son wishes to revel to him"

There is more but that is my favorite part. That was part of the Gospel reading in mass past Sunday.

Then comes Monday. Monday was a great 4th! Good family time....and well my Grandma let me borrow this book called Heaven is for Real. I started reading it around 11:30 that night before bed. Read it cover to cover and went to bed at 1:30. It was a good book! It was a 4 year old boys near-death experience and his visit to Heaven. Check it out for sure. There were a couple of parts I cried. No surprise there. lol

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
-Jesus of Nazareth.

And I know I have seen some other scripture relating to this at daily mass....I just can't find it now! Bummer. But it isn't by accident that Jesus picked Cooper to reach Grace. But He can do this with us too. If we let Him. We just need to humble ourselves to be more like little children. Get rid of preconceived notions. Do things without thinking through and trying to plan them out how you think they ought to go. Answer things with the honestly of a child. BELIEVE like a child. A child's belief in Jesus is CRAZY AMAZING! They accept this amazing truth that Jesus is the Light, that Jesus died for us. They are still too young to believe in silly things like the real world or to juggle thoughts of disbelief like Thomas. What an amazing blessing.

So become like little children. This is what Jesus means and wants us to do. I believe this will also open our hearts to the Holy Spirit and bring us greater peace.

I am just overwhelmed with Jesus and His amazing love for all His little children. Just open your eyes.....you will see it. And with any luck you will feel it and have your own "Cooper Moment"!

Minor Freak Out

Just a forewarning: this post is going to make absolutely no sense to anyone but me. I think anyway.

I had a minor freak out today. Like a little bit of mind-racing kind of anxiety. Over something so little and so not freak-out worthy. And the truth of the matter is.....I am going to have to get used to it or that relationship in my life will suffer. I am simply going to have to get over it. Why is knowing something and doing something so hard at times?

I really have made a huge amount of progress with this certain thing over the past month of no school. No school has helped soooooooooo much. But school crept into my life a little bit today and stupid jealous crap came about. I was just having a perfectly great conversation with someone and they dropped a little piece of information to me, completely without knowing it would make me feel bad. And it sends my mind in a whirl-spin. Are you freaking kidding me!? I guess I have way more work to do than I thought. Of course I have to hide the fact that it upsets me but I am just left thinking, "Why does that upset me? Because it shouldn't!"

So back to Sanctus Real lyrics:

"Oh, I've given up on too many things,
but I'm not giving up on You
'Cause You can make anything new"

I am better. But it still plays in my head.

Caution: You are about to get in my head.... : )

So Part 2, as promised! And only because I couldn't go to freaking sleep. Aw man, it was a good morning!

So after mass and getting all registered......I went to the hike/bike trail. I got out there later than planned about 9:45ish. It was already starting to get hot but it was a great drive to Ark City. Btw I took green's farm road, perfection on the radio and a great destination!

The trail was nice but it went kind of close to the highway and I didn't really like that part. I love the rest of the trails because unless I run into people (which isn't all that often) I feel like I am in my own little world. Great song by the way. : )

However, I have officially gone on every path out at the hike/bike trail....on foot. I need to go and bike it sometime. : )

Nothing too spectacular happen. I didn't run into anything but a red bird....and a crap ton of grasshoppers. Everywhere. If I brought my niece Brynley out here she would flip a lid! I guarantee she'd be crying within the first 5 minutes. : ) But she is cute, so I will keep her. : )

I guess the most significant thing that happened, was the conversation in my head. I know, scary. I was just thinking and pondering. A lot of the thoughts were about daily mass and just a lot of what I wrote about in the last post.

So thoughts/conversation about daily mass:

"Do I want to be a person that goes to daily mass?"

"Well, Self, what kind of question is that?"

"You know, that'd be kind of weird don't you think? I mean some people would think that is weird....."

"But don't you like how going to mass makes you feel?"

"I do. But what if I get so used to going to daily mass that when school starts up again and I can't go to daily mass that I fall into a rut."

"What? That is stupid. You can't think that way. First of all, quit thinking about being labeled weird. Big freaking deal. Secondly, yeah when school starts it might be an adjustment. But you need this. This will help you grow in your faith and in life.

"Okay. I will quit trying to come up with excuses. Because they are like buttholes...."

Just kidding about that last line...... hahaha. But really I was debating about mass in my head.....not a huge issue by any means. But still we all have these discussion with our self. Over big things. Over small things. In fact, we probably listen to the voice inside our heads more than any other voice. Sometimes that can be a problem. But I like to think, even when the voice inside your head is being kind of dumb (green writing) that you pull through (yellow writing). Yes, both thoughts were mine but I could choose to believe either.

TANGENT: I am good at these. So the above-ness, just reminded me of a very good book I read on my flights home from DC a couple of weeks ago. It was actually one of the books I bought in the Worlds-Greatest-Bookstore-Ever at the National Shrine in DC. So pick up The Screwtape Letters if you haven't read it yet. I would let ya borrow my copy but I have already passed it on it's merry way. It's about a devil that writes to his nephew devil with advice on how to bring followers to "Our Father Below". Could definitely relate to the suggestions that form in my head and certain situations in the book. Loved the stuff in Chapter 3 and in Chapter 8.

Okay. So walk is over and I decided to go check out the new pool my Mom and sister, Kaitie got a couple of weeks ago. It is small but it was still fun. I put my phone on Pandora....love it. I actually haven't used Pandora since school got out....I use it in class all the time....but it was good to me. First song, was Sweat...the reggae one....I know, I know, I know. But I still like it. Then came my all time favorite Rent song, Take Me, or Leave Me. But then later, might I add this was on the "Rent" station, on came "The Call" by Regina Spektor. On Rent Station!! It made me immensely happy because it is just a good, good song and you should just listen to it. In fact, I am now. : )

"Hail Mary Pool"

So anyway, good times in the pool. Mostly just swam to the side and then back again. All the while saying Hail Marys in my head. hahaha Definitely wouldn't have done that a few months ago. : ) I actually think I may have found a good thing to do while working out or exercising, especially since my dang iPod was stolen by a dirty little thief! I hope they enjoy my Jesus music.

Anyway, so an altogether great morning. I showered up, then Kaitie and I went to the Grinder Man for some grub. Then I went to school, got a bunch of work done. Saw that my pineapple plant had grown a bunch....I'll post pictures later. It was amazing!! Talked to these construction guys at the school. Got asked out by one of them. Politely turned him down. Sorry buddy, just isn't gonna work. lol

I finally came back home and then my creative juices were flowing! Designed a new project to do for my next stained glass project. It was a good day!

Oh and check out this last photo, I was in my Mom's kitchen and I saw this magnet on the fridge. I asked Kaitie where she got it from and she said she didn't know. But it made me happy!

And, no, I don't mean the cat magnet.....