Uno Dos Tres

So what a year, huh? Let's play a game! Your challenge is to sum up your year in 3 words. :)

Mine (there really should be no surprise here):

Uno- Baptized

Dos- Catholic

Tres- Stained Glass

Baptized, I say? Yep. This is at the top because it is pretty much the best decision I have ever made. I remember the very first ever mass I went to (well maybe not the very first but I think you get the point) was  January 9th..... and we celebrated the Baptism of our Lord. Right then I knew I'd be baptized in Holy Name. It's funny to think about all the times I could have been baptized... my two younger sister's confirmation, the summer of the Mormons (great story btw), and just the different churches we attended. But I slipped through the cracks, even while secretly always wanting to be baptized. But it worked out perfectly.....I mean you know Him. :) It just blows me away that I got to choose this. I will stop rambling now but just know it was one of the best days of my life. So much GRACE!!!

Catholic. Gosh, that word just makes me smile. Seriously, I am smiling as I type this sentence. Catholic. haha So this is teetering on the edge of me going crazy and typing a novel about Catholicism. So I will try to be succinct. Try. One of the things I frequently find myself saying is "This, yes this, is my favorite thing about Catholicism!" There are just so many good things! But here is one of favorite, favorite things- the body of the the church. I go to mass every Sunday. You go to mass every Sunday. Some random person in Ireland goes to mass every Sunday. The fellow down the street. Your best friend. The Pope. And guess what, we are all together in the scripture and gospels we read. We pray the same prayers. We all the partake in the Eucharists together. The saints in Heaven and the faithful here on earth all in unison. I think that is beautiful. Catholicism is beautiful. I hope it never stops taking my breath away. 

Stained Glass. So technically this might break the three word rule....but I can hyphenate it for good measure. Stained-glass. First, a side story that I promise is related to stained glass-

This summer I had a day that I like to call the Grandma Trifecta Day. I wrote a blog about it.....but never posted it. Ha. So anyway, this day consisted of me seeing each of my three grandma's all in one day. What a blessed day! My Nannie (Dad's mom) is really special to me. She has such a beautiful soul. It's really hard to explain what I mean in words but I look up to her so much. I look at her and I see LOVE. For me. For all people. For her family. For my Papa. For God. Anyway, this particular day, she and I were talking in the camper about life. She was working on some plastic canvas/yarn things and then talking about some pillows she made. She said, "This is my therapy, Kasie. This is the only way I stay sane."

This past year I lost my last two grandpas. However, I also have witnessed two of my grandmas deal with the death of their husbands. Let me tell you, the strength that they have demonstrated to me leaves me in wonderment. It is like my little earthly reminder/example of the strength our Momma Mary showed us. Oh to have like-Mary strength! So stained glass? Yeah, it is sorta like my therapy. And I think it is safe to say Catholicism is too. :) 

That's me.....behind all those holy cards!

My sister Kami, or as I more affectionately call her Kamo, and I are quite the pair. Growing up we shared a room together, shared secrets, peeked through each other diaries just to sign "Kasie/Kami was here!", drew with our fingers on each others back, tape recorded the "Hot 9 at 9" on 107.3, and jammed out to countless songs in the little red car that she never checked the oil in. Then as we got older, she was the person that made me try my first alcoholic drink- a fuzzy navel (she was always the trouble-kid haha), one to ask for counsel about Dad, one that always laughed at my jokes, and one that still to this day understands me probably more than almost anyone. We would tell each other everything. The only time I ever told on Kami was when she told me she and some friends had smoked cigarettes downtown regularly. I promptly told my Mom, because I thought it was disgusting. Ha. I truly had my sister's best interests in mind. :) Then she had to move. I seriously thought I was going to die when she moved away to college.....and I was a Junior in high school.

I say all this because today Kami truly made me feel like me again. I don't really know how or why or really what the deal is lately to make me feel so broken and out of it (well I kind of do but more on that in sec).....but she totally made my day. And she doesn't even know it. :) I can say, do, or feel anything and she won't judge me. I love her. Plus she even gives me a quarter when I don't have one, so that I can get a gum ball out of the candy machine in the mall. That's love. :)

Now on to "That's Me"....... I have been hiding lately. You name the person, and I bet you a million bucks I have been hiding from them. My family, friends, most likely you, and yes, most definitely yes, God. I remember reading this creepy Edgar Allan Poe story in high school about this crazy guy Montressor. Basically, his "friend" gets drunk and he takes him down to the catacombs and builds a cement wall around him. Kinda evil....but hey I do remember this story. So anyway, I am like the drunk friend, but not really in the literal sense. Promise. :) However, I have one-upped Montressor, because I am building my own dang wall all around me. It's getting sky-scraper-like. I will probably start on the moat next week. 

But I let down the draw bridge for Kamo a few times this past month. The first time was the weekend before Christmas. I was staying at her house in Wichita on Friday and Saturday nights because we had family Christmases on Saturday and Sunday. I got a brilliant idea- let's all go to mass together on Sunday! I figured since Ryan was coaching some wrestling that weekend, that I had a pretty good shot at making this happen. So I went to Brynley with my idea.  I am such a turd, I know. She was excited about going to church with me. Now we just had to run it past Mom. Kami didn't blink an eye----- she thought it was a great idea for Brynley and I to go, but she didn't feel up to taking Cooper. So I was getting really excited about taking Bryn to mass and grateful for Kamo's acceptance. She even texted her neighbor to find out mass times. Then it was so cute when Bryn went to bed on Saturday night and I was talking to her about going to church in the morning. She just smiled at me and said, "God and Jesus.".  Ahhhhh, I wanted to laugh so bad and tell her not to forget the super cool, Holy Spirit. But I just smiled.  Gotta love five year olds. 

Then today at lunch Kami was talking about January 4th for some reason or another. So a thought that immediately pops into my head....January 4th.....awww my confirmation saints feast day. Then a brief, "should I tell her" discussion in my head. Then I say, "Hey January 4th, that's the feast day of my saint." "What's a feast day?" Then ensues a small, yet significant, wall demolition. A wall demolition that was definitely good for my soul.

Here's another example of my hiding. I had personal conversations with most all family and close friends about becoming Catholic before the Easter Vigil. There was the small matter of me not telling my Dad until a couple of days before my baptism. However, I guess the important part of that is that he was still there for my baptism. : ) But anyway, there were a few people that it was just a little awkward bringing up the subject to, even though I saw them almost daily. I just thought, do we really need to have the "Hey I am Catholic now..." conversation? Eck. It was horrible. I never said a word about becoming Catholic and continued working on that wall brick-by-brick.

Until we went to the turkey dinner at Sacred Heart. Thank God we went to the turkey dinner at Sacred Heart. For real. My friend asks, "So is this where you go to church?" My heart kind of skips a beat as I am thinking, "Yes! We are finally talking about it." I briefly explain about mainly attending mass at Holy Name and before you know it we are talking about canned cranberry sauce. But that night, that one tiny question to be more precise, was like a stick of dynamite to the wall. Over the course of the remaining semester, we were now able to breach the Catholic subject little by little. Absolutely nothing about me personally, but more about Catholics as a group. Which is absolutely fine at this point. haha

The biggest wall-breaker incident deals with holy cards. You see, I have been a busy little bee over break and got this idea to mix stained glass with holy cards. Actually, to be more fair, I came across a lady on Etsy that took antique holy cards, put them between two panes of glass and solder the edges. I was like......YES! I could do this....and make them ten times better. So that is what I set out to do. I bought glass, ribbon, rocks and the like, and oh yeah, a crap ton of holy cards and medals. I don't think you can imagine how happy I was to see the sign that read, "Holy cards $1 each OR $0.50 each for 25 cards or more". Hahaha I bet you can imagine the route I took. And after literally visiting every Catholic bookstore in Wichita and my own little piece of stained glassed heaven, I finally made it back to school in AC where I do my stained glass.

I had my supplies strewed everywhere. I was up to my eyeballs in some very, very Catholic holy cards and medals, jamming out to needtobreathe pandora station and cutting some glass, when in walks my teaching partner. Immediately my finger goes for the volume down button on the computer. :) I think, "Oh great, I really should have picked up these dang cards but I really didn't think you stop in....." and as I am thinking this I say, "Hey look at what I am doing with these cards....". And I am sure I rambled....but I just kept thinking "yep, that's me!"

And let me just tell you feeling like "That's me!" is such a relief. Whether it's with Kami, my friends or my teaching partner, hiding really hurt my relationship with each of them. Hiding yourself from others is stressful and quite frankly just a big headache and a lot of work. For me here lately, I have been being a little consumed by my faith. It's new and fascinating. And because I think about some facet of Catholicism pretty much constantly, I am sure it can get a little bit annoying to some people around me. It is definitely misunderstood. And I am to the point now where all I want to do is to share my love for Catholicism with those around me. But for me it is just so hard to do. Some people get my "sharing" all the time (too much) and some not at all (waaaay too little). But here is a lesson to learn about the holy card fiasco.

Come out of hiding. It doesn't even have to be about faith. It could be anything really. Find those people that love you for you. They won't care if you became Catholic, turned vegan, sold all your possessions to spend a few years doing mission work overseas, spent your weekend watching every episode of  "Once Upon a Time", ate leftover cold macaroni and cheese, or even if you bought a shoot-ton of holy cards as if they were baseball cards. They. Won't. Care. They will either say, "Oh my gosh, you too!!!" or they will say, "What's a feast day?".

Yeah, there will be a few that still don't get it. But I am choosing to overlook that opinion. Honestly, it is pretty easy to do when I think about the shared experience of someone who gets crazy excited like me over holy cards, or my faith. Or having small ( I like big epic ones too) wall-breaking conversations with my loved ones. Even better still, is listening to them share a little bit about what they hide. We aren't meant to build a wall around ourselves. Solidarity, friends. Make sure you are practicing it and supporting others when they come out from hiding. Most importantly do be afraid to embrace your differences and say "That's me!"

Recent Happenings

I have a lot to say. However, the words are just not coming very easily. So after an attempt at writing, I have settled for some pictures of recent stained glass items I have created. Plus, a little something special for Advent. :)

Last Wednesday we made Christmas arrangements in Floral Design. I tweaked my just a little. :) 

For my brother, Levi. Not the greatest picture as the green is actually much darker (and prettier) in real life.  It is his cattle brand. 

BATMAN!!! This just might be my favorite so far. It's a graduation gift for one of my seniors. 

I know I just said the Batman one was my favorite...... I really like this one too. I used these cool little square gems for part of the border.   I made it for my Mom's birthday way back in October.

Catholic Conundrum #4: Advent and the Mysterious Pink Candle

Advent? Hmmmmm, since I really didn't start attending mass until the second week of January last year,  this is kind of a new thing for me. For two weeks I have been sitting in the pews wondering why there was one pink(rose) candle on the Advent Wreath. Shoot, I had been meaning to look it up but just kept forgetting. Then at mass today I was informed that it was not only the third Sunday of Advent but it was Gaudete Sunday aka Pink Candle Sunday. : ) Well, to be perfectly honest, I really didn't understand Fr. Ruben's accent for this Latin word, so I really didn't even know it was Gaudete Sunday until I got on my laptop and looked that sucker up. : )

Here is the interesting thing about Gaudete Sunday. It came in such a timely manner. It's is just really funny that the things Father talked about in his homily are some of the very things I was beginning to realize at the end of last week. This is a season of rejoicing!! Plus he quoted Mother Teresa several times. One being, "A smile costs nothing but gives much." It was just an all-around great reminder of the one thing that can truly make each and every last one of us happy- God. If we only let Him. :) Today's world is constantly telling us all the material things we need to make us happy. I have a perfect example of this that I will be blogging about soon. But here's a sneak preview: Do we really need that new car, a huge house, a Kindle, an iPad, or shoot even a dang iPhone? Should we really move in with our boyfriend, lead a promiscuous lifestyle, or do what ever we feel like just because it will make us happy? I mean this is the message I am sent every single day of my life. I hear it on the radio, on television, in conversations I hear just walking down the hall. So it must be okay???? Nope. Actually, God is the one thing that will lead us to true happiness. : ) Rejoice!

Okay, back to my Advent researching. I found all sorts of cool facts about Advent. Including these cute little Advent Calendars. It is kind of ironic, because my mom would do these with us kids when we were little. : ) So apparently I have celebrated Advent before. The most interesting thing I stumbled upon was how the Eastern Orthodox churches celebrate Advent with the Nativity Fast. Seems more intense like Lent. Look it up, it's legit.

So in the midst of all my new-found knowledge I wondered, "Hmmm, who else celebrates Advent?" So then I googled, " do methodists celebrate advent." : ) You see, I could not for the life of me remember celebrating Advent as a Methodist. Granted, my church going habits were a bit sketchy. But according to the all-powerful Internet, Methodists do celebrate Advent. As well as Anglicans, Lutherans, Presbyterians, and I am sure many other denominations. I am sure each in their own ways. Afterall, we are all Christians. Who wouldn't celebrate the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ?!

Happy Gaudete Sunday!

Joyful, Joyful.....go ahead, finish the song! :)

A perplexing thing happened today. I felt.....JOYFUL. I know- crazy things are going on in good ol' Ark City. And not that things are absolutely terrible but lately I have felt a little broken and busted and not really joyful for months. In fact, I often think- "Could I please have just one normal day?" Which is why today was so perfect. Honestly, there was absolutely nothing exceptional about today. Really. And it came out of nowhere. But it was sooooo good.

Thoughts that were in my head: 

"Why am I so happy?" 

"It doesn't matter!!"

"God is so good!" 

"Kids are amazing today. I love being able to treat them like people." (I'll explain this one in a sec)

And the thing is, I felt like I was on fire. I wanted to help my students on all requests. I wanted to work my butt off to teach them....EVERYTHING! I wanted to joke with them. I wanted to talk to them about life, not school. Which is awesome, because here lately I really have had a few problems connecting with students. Or really, more specifically, wanting to connect with students. I guess in short, I felt like a teacher again. 

God is so good. Today really just gave me so much hope. I really felt His love all day. And there were times I could have easily sabotaged the day.....and I didn't. I am just so thankful for today. 

Let's jump back to the "treat them like people" comment. It does sound bad. Kasie, you're a teacher, you don't treat your students like people? But I guess I am more human than teacher. :) It's not that I am treating them as slaves or warm bodies. More like a pain in my you-know-what. Last week, I had a student say, "Smile Ms. Bogart....you never smile in our class." I really didn't know what to say. I am more used to the comment...."Bogart you are always smiling...." Really??? Do I never smile in that class? I think he was right. 

Then something happened in welding class today. Which was pretty much AMAZING as well. :) I felt a little prompting from the Holy Spirit. "You need to more patient with these boys." I am just as bad as they are. One of my biggest pet peeves in welding is when students are lazy and give up. They weld one or two beads, for example, trying to do a tee weld, don't find instant success, and then they throw a temper fit about it being too hard. They lose their patience so easy and so fast. Then I do the same thing to them because it pretty much drives me crazy. There was a student that was doing this very thing today. In fact, he was pretty solemn the whole class- frowning, grumpy, and just not very nice. As he was leaving, I smiled and said, "It's gonna be okay." He looked up, didn't smile, and said, "I hope so."

"I hope so." I have no idea what he is hoping about. He isn't disrespectful to me, rude to his classmates, grumpy, or even throwing fits because of me or really anyone. There is something in his life that is making him lose hope. Me losing my patience does not help matters for him. Sadly, I know that for each and every student that is walking through my door, they are fighting some battle. I can either help them or hinder them.  

When I was student teaching, my cooperating teacher had a sign in her room- "Make Their Day." I love this saying. Have I been doing this lately? Absolutely not. Am I capable of doing this? You betcha! :) We are teachers. My job is to help my students learn more about agriculture. But really my job is helping them fight their battles and loving each and everyone of them. I could go all day on this topic. Some kids that I sometimes find the least lovable, teach me that I was totally wrong. 

I am so ready to start making their day once again! Thanks be to God for such a great day! I am amazed at his beautiful reminder that He will never let me go. He and my Momma Mary kept me strong all day.  It was so good on this busted heart. : ) 

Now I am off for some margaritas and a movie to make this day that much better. haha : )