School Happies

It's the little unexpected events and conversations that make me smile. Here are two such things that have happened at school.

First, I was talking to one of my FFA officers about books. He reads like a madman and sometimes we have similar taste in books. Anyway, he was telling me about a book I should read in the young adult spectrum. Then he asks what I'm reading currently.

"Oh, just a book about Mother Teresa. It's really, really, really, really good."

"I know about her- she did a lot of good things with the poor. She's that really old biblical lady, right?"

"No, she's not in the Bible. She died in 1997." 

"She's like one of us?! That's so cool!" 

I had to smile at the phrase, "She's like one of us." It was just an awesome reminder to me how we should all be striving for sainthood and how it IS possible to imitate Christ even in today's world.

Secondly, I got a new group of kids at the middle school this week. Which is oh so refreshing. Last semester, my middle school were my least favorite class I have ever taught in the history of five years. And yes I will take 85% of the blame. :) So new start = God is good.

In my new middle school class I have a come across a first. I have a student who is a selective mute. She came into class late the first day. We had already started but I introduced myself to her when she walked. I asked her what her name was and she just showed me her paper which had her name on it. It is kind of an unique name that I had never seen before. I pronounced it and asked if that was right. She nodded her head. Then about five minutes into class I noticed she had a small whiteboard and used it to communicate with.

Then later we did this brainstorming activity with a dot. The students were trying to come up with as many things that the dot could be besides a dot. But we ran out of time so I collected all the papers from the groups. Her group's caught my eye and I said, "Oh fruity pebbles, I have never heard that one before!" And the girl with the whiteboard just starts laughing......and smiling.

It was kind of cool to see and I am looking forward to understanding this girl more!

God is good.

Nobody to God

Sometimes I suck at hiding my emotions. If I'm happy you'll know it. If I'm upset with you, I will probably be short with you. Additionally, I am horrible liar. Even if it's a stupid thing like, "Ms. Bogart have you ever drank a beer?". I can never quite get the words, "Of course not, beer is gross!" to come out of my mouth.  Even still, I will be sure to follow up by telling the kids that I think underage drinking is stupid. Because I do. Then there is this annoying little problem of mine that I like to talk about how I am feeling. Which when I say it's annoying, it's not only annoying to the people I "need" to talk to but annoying to me too. 

Mostly it's annoying because I read beautiful things like this: 

"Please ask Our Lady to give me her heart--- so that I may with greater ease fulfill His desire in me. I want to smile even at Jesus and so hide if possible the pain and the darkness of my soul even from Him." 

Really, Mother Teresa? You don't even want to talk to Jesus? Then I dog-eared the page. 

I continue reading a little more: 

"There is so much contradiction in my soul. ---Such deep longing for God--- so deep that it is painful--- a suffering continual--- and yet not wanted by God--- repulsed--- empty--- no faith--- no love--- no zeal..........................Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything................I am perfectly happy to be nobody even to God." 

Really, Mother Teresa? Nobody to God? What does that even REALLY mean? Then I dog-eared the page. Good thing I don't have a pencil. 

I continue reading: 

"Was is Mother who taught you to say for the profession "I desire to become the Spouse of Jesus Crucified?----- It is not Jesus glorified or Jesus in the crib, but on the Cross--- alone--- naked---bleeding--- suffering--- dying on the cross."

At this point my cat Gizmo is confused and slightly irritated that I keep saying "Mother Teresa!". It may be because she is the "Cat from Hell" or that I am interrupting her nap. We will never know. Then I dog-ear the page. 

Looking back at the past 20 or so pages, almost every single page is dog-eared. The library is not going to like me. This particular chapter that is really driving me crazy is called, "The Thirst of Jesus Crucified" from the book Mother Teresa Come Be My Light. Really it's a good crazy because now I just keep rereading what I have dog-eared and am simply in awe of Mother Teresa and the darkness she endured to bring souls to Christ. 

When Mother Teresa talks about being nobody even to God, it makes my heart ache. Sure there have been times I have felt distant from God. I have felt like God wasn't there or that God wasn't listening to me. But to feel like God has said, "You are nobody to me." The thought is so far over my head. Not to mention she endured this suffering for so long. 

Mother Teresa lived to be more united in Jesus crucified. So naturally the thought popped up, "Did Jesus really feel like nobody to God?" At first I thought, that's silly, of course He didn't feel that way. I mean Jesus is the son of God. Obviously, he felt extreme loneliness and suffered rejection by so many people. But he didn't feel that God had left Him. But then I decided to do a little more digging and read this: 

Matthew 27: 45-46

"From noon onward, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon.46And about three o’clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

I have read The Passion so many times but never really picked up on this. Jesus felt me rejecting Him. He felt you rejecting Him. He felt every single person that has lived and will live rejecting Him. He even "felt" his own Father rejecting Him even when God really never abandoned Him. Jesus was sooooooooo human. Even more than I could have ever imagined. Of course, He felt like He was a nobody to God. The key here is that is what Jesus felt even though it really wasn't what was happening. Our dang feelings getting the best of us. 

Mother Teresa recognized her suffering as getting closer to Christ crucified. The more she suffered the closer she became to Christ. And she kept smiling despite feeling so very much apart from her lover. She makes me feel so small. 

What a beautiful example Mother Teresa has given us all. Keep smiling and dog-earring. 

Part 2: The Bishop, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton and Good ol' Father Kapaun

Last Friday, January 4th, was the feast day of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. I was excited for school to end so I could go to Wichita for the 5:30 mass at St. Francis. I went with a past student of mine, so I was also excited to just celebrate mass with a fellow sister in Christ.

We got there kind of early and there seemed to be quite a few other people there too. Like more than usual. And then even more people showed up. It was almost like having a Sunday mass at Holy Name. Then they did the Entrance Antiphon and the priest's voice was a little different than normal, yet very familiar. The voice actually belonged to Bishop Jackels. What a pleasant surprise! No wonder there were so many people here. Anyway, I kept my cool and remained reverent and then got excited about it after mass. haha

Bishop Jackel's homily was short and sweet and worth repeating. He talked about how Wichita reporters that were covering Fr. Kapaun's canonization process where doing interviews on the East Coast. They found themselves in Emmitsburg, Maryland, which is where the National Shrine of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton is built. They decided to stop in and visit. They then concluded if this lady could be a saint for what she did, SURELY Fr. Kapaun should have been a canonized a saint yesterday. I could relate....I even told you last post I wished I had picked a "cooler" saint. I'm glad I was wrong. :)

Then Bishop explained how that kind of comparison on what they both accomplished isn't really fair. We should instead focus on the why. Why did they do what they did? We should follow their example and strive to do the will of God- in whatever situation we find ourselves in. Whether it be a POW camp, or in a convent, or Ark City, America, or insert your place here. We should answer His call to be holy where we are and in the circumstances He has provided. Amen!

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton pray for us!

Part 1: Saint Searching

A couple of months ago I did a little research on my confirmation saint St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. When I first chose St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, I had done just surface research, mainly what 5 minutes of googling can find, on her and a handful of other saints. I knew she was American born, knew that she valued education and that she converted to Catholicism like me. Plus, the real deal breaker was the "Elizabeth" and the "Ann". They are the middle names of my two little sisters. Yes folks, that is seriously why I chose her.

And then about a year after I chose her I was left thinking, "Why didn't I chose a cooler saint?" And I never really learned much more about her.

I guess in the grand scheme of things asking for intercession from a saint is something I am pretty new at. I pray the rosary often and pray the prayer to St. Michael often but hadn't really tried to ask for any other saint's intercession. However, it really is a beautiful thing about our Catholic faith.

This past year, and in particular the last 6 months, I have been struggling with a few things. Normal things but then also things I think converts deal with. Expect a full post about this in a bit. :) Anyway, I was a little fed up with my faith......and decided I was going to figure it out. I thought, "I need to talk to other people who have converted to the Catholic faith!". One problem- I don't know any......and I really don't. I am not sure how every single Catholic person I know is a cradle Catholic but they are. However, I thought about St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. I remembered she was a convert and just knew I could learn something from her.

Turns out she did struggle with converting just as I do. Dealing with family and close friends who question your faith is hard to deal with. I found letters she had written about her struggles and can't wait to read more about them. I just need to find them in book form because electronic book form is hard for me to read.

Then I found something that made me extremely happy:

It's the Memorare in St. Elizabeth Ann Seton's own handwriting. St. Elizabeth Ann Seton died in 1821, which was only about 200 years ago. The Memorare was made popular in the 17th century from Fr. Claude Bernard, who learned it from his father. However, it is thought to have originated in the 15th century as it is found in a much longer prayer. That longer prayer is all in Latin and therefore I am unable to read anything past the word "remember". Cool thing is that makes the Memorare about 600 years old. I am able to pray a prayer that is 600 years old that my confirmation saint prayed too. Not only that, but we have countless other prayers that are even more rich in tradition, with the Our Father taking the cake. We are blessed indeed. It also makes me wonder what the oldest prayer ever is?

Even though I had only had the prayer memorized since mid-May, and then prayed it during the summer a little, finding that handwritten Memorare made me feel connected to St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. Then in October, a priest told me I should try to pray it three times each morning before I started my day. Then I found a very old, "I cast myself at your sacred feet" version. It just keeps popping up. That must be why it is around 600 years later.

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton pray for us!