That awesomeness above.......was last weekends Gospel reading. Mark 14: 12-15, 22-26.
There are quite a few words and sentences on that page. But when I really read and meditate over this passage all I can see are these two words:
TAKE IT
As I was kneeling in mass this weekend, those words would not leave me alone. But actually in my head it's more like....
"Hey you crazy lady I love you! I have been trying to give this peace to you. I have been trying to give you my love. I have been trying to help you and provide for you. I have been practically screaming at you. I know you heard me. Why haven't you been listening? Take it. Take my body and blood and be strong. Do not be afraid. I know what you need. Take it!!!!"
Yes, I am good at turning two words into a whole paragraph in my head. :) Without a doubt He is being stern with me. But then simultaneously He was also offering me his flesh and blood. But here is what I told him next:
"I don't deserve it." And He said-
You guessed it......"Take it."
What did I do next?
Story to be continued......
A lot of the times I don't think I do a very good job at accepting what God is trying to give me. Mostly because we don't always agree on what I need. :) I tend to get preoccupied with how I am going to fix things, and spend lots of time worry and calculating solutions to these problems that I only have human understanding about. Which human understanding amounts to about nothing even if it is Kasie Bogart understanding. Ha ha just kidding..... Still, I tend to try to do things on my own- even when I know it will end in failure. It's basically like Jesus holding peace (and a whole slew of good stuff) in the palm of His hand and offering it to me. Then I reach out and close his hand in a fist and say, "Sorry, it will hurt too much."
I know there are others out there that struggle with this same problem. Choosing His will over our own is not an easy task. However, take hope! We can do this if we put our total trust in Him.
"Your heavenly Father knows what you need." Matthew 6:32
"the sufferings of the present time simply don't compare with the glory to come that will be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
Lastly, a phrase I heard a lot this past weekend from good ol Fr. Linnebur, "God asks for everything, but He doesn't necessarily take everything."
-Back to the story-
For the first time in what seems like month's I took it. Even though I receive the Eucharist often, I felt like I never had before. Instead of me closing His hand in a fist; I took what He was giving me. I finally felt at peace and strong enough to start trusting Him.
Now I'd say that was a pretty successful Corpus Christi Sunday. :)
I am very aware that this battle is far from over. It's not always going to be pretty. It's going to hurt and I am going to want to give up. But it makes me smile to think that the battle is already won.
That's right-
The battle is already won!
Pray that we all be given the grace to accept what God is so persistently trying to give to us.
Take it.
