Blogging Break

I am taking a blogging break. It might be several months. : ) Or a couple of weeks.

God Bless!

Sometimes I feel like this:

Teaching is awesome.....Why am I teaching?......Teaching is awesome.....Why am I teaching?......Teaching is awesome.

Sometimes, it really is that back and forth for me. Weirdly enough, this whole doubting my teaching career is a fairly recent thought that seems to sort of coincide with me becoming Catholic. Yeah, I really don't get it either. I do seem happiest when I am learning and doing things in my faith. However, am I on some kind of post-baptism high? Am I just super excited about my faith because it is so new? Am I going to be this zealous about my faith in a month, a year, five years, or fifty years from now? I don't know. I can only hope. In fact, I pray often that I never ceased to be amazed by the beauty of this faith. It is just so beyond beautiful. I don't ever want to lose it. And how does all this even have anything whatsoever to do with me being a teacher? Simply put, I guess it just all makes me think, is this where God wants me? And it sucks that I don't know the answer to that. 

Tonight, as I was grading Welding's toolboxes, I was pondering all the above and this: 

"I hate grading. It is without a doubt the worst part of my job. I hate grading. Why did I wait so long to grade these?"

Then I came across one of my student's toolboxes. This student has done a complete turnaround. He use to get on my nerves so much. Now he is respectful. I really, really look forward to having him in class. He actually helped me plan our next welding project the other day because he finished waaaaaaay before the other students. In fact, his whole class used to be a bunch of hellions. Perhaps they were bored. I don't know. Now they are borderline my favorite class. I know. I just went there. How could Welding be my favorite class?

First of all, just one particular class. The other two.....not really as enthused with them. However, this class has the kid (a different one that I also really enjoy) that commented how I never smiled. Okay, so I tried smiling. I really did try hard with these boys....and one girl. : ) I put forth extra effort in this class to be patient. Not that I am always great at this but I think it is starting to pay off. 

Anyway, so there is a reason I went from I hate grading, to grading isn't so bad. It was because I sent the turnaround kid's Mom an email tonight. In the past, this particular parent was a bit of a nuisance for me. I thought some of her emails a bit ridiculous. However, it felt awesome to send her an email about how awesome her son was doing lately. Then I thought, maybe it is as much as a turnaround kid as it is a turnaround teacher? Anyway, it just felt awesome to send her a positive email for once. That feeling is one reason why I love teaching. There really are a lot of reasons. And I guess we will end on that note for tonight. :)

Peace!

A Year Ago.....

A week and a half ago I said to my roommate Emily, "Wow it's almost Lent! I need to figure out what I am going to do."

Today it's Monday. Lent starts on Wednesday!!! Geesh,  Louise......I still need to figure out exactly what I intend to do.

when thinking of Lent, I can't help but think about my life last year at this point. I was getting ready to go to the Cathedral in Wichita for the Rite of Election.

What's it going to be like?

I get to see the Bishop!

Take a little break and check out this picture:

Fr. Mike, Bishop Jackels, Emmalee and Me at one of the Rite of Elections 2011

Haha. Funny stuff. I was beyond excited because I knew that by Emmalee and Father Mike finally telling me I could go to the Rite of Election that they thought I was ready. It meant I would be baptized on April 23rd, 2011 at the Easter Vigil. It also meant I would be joining in on the Eucharistic Feast soon! Please just try to tell me that last sentence didn't make you smile. :)

This time, last year, was one big-time, life-changing decision. Plus, this time last year is when I really picked up the awesome and life-changing little habit called adoration.

I also can't help but smile at some comments I had made when explaining my decision to others.

"I am still me. I am the same person, I am not really gonna change. Just because I am Catholic doesn't mean...."

Sometimes I am amazed at how much I try to make things not change. How I seem to love to have everything be never-changing. All I know is that I am sure glad I was completely and 100% wrong. :)

Going into this Lenten season, I what to take on this attitude. I want to keep things simple. I want to grow in my relationship with Him. I want to become a holier version of myself.

Then, at the end of Lent, and a few weeks into the Easter Season, I am so ready to celebrate my Baptism anniversary! :)

In Christ, Through Mary.

So You're Having a Bad Day?

It's okay. Just know He's right beside you, walking you through it.

Just go ahead and listen to this song. 

The beginning is completely awesome! 

Peace, people!

Things That Get Me Fired Up

Last Tuesday we had our school's homecoming assembly. I haven't been to one of these assemblies in a couple years. Since I travel to the middle school every morning to teach, I usually just work right through these things. However, I decided to go check things out this time around. 

Wow. It was horrible. I suspect you'd like a little background info. :) The way our homecoming assemblies work is that each of the 24 candidates are introduced and a bunch of nonsense is read about them. Honestly, it is not important information. Or at least 90% of the candidates don't really take it seriously. Plus, throughout the whole event the student body in the audience is not very respectful. At all. Perhaps the biggest letdown of this whole event was the attire. Geesh! It was not appropriate whatsoever. Yeah the girls were beautiful, but I felt like I was looking at them on stage buck-naked! They did not leave much to the imagination. And then one of the boys ditched his pants last minute and walked out with just his wrestling singlet....and coat jacket. That was awkward. 

So I sat through the whole thing, thinking, "My girls are watching this!". Yes, I have some awesome, AWESOME young ladies I teach. However, I know some of them deal with body issues and this whole assembly was just pissing me off. Plus, then I though, "My boys are watching this!". The thought that I might be overreacting did cross my mind, but I still wrote this letter to my administration and the sponsors that put on the assembly. 

I am not really sure how to type this email without it coming off as complaining to you. Just know that that is not really my intent. I attended the homecoming assembly today and was a little concerned about a few things. None of them really with how the teachers that organized it personally ran the event. I know they put in a lot of effort outside of the classroom on these things and it is a job very few of us would take on. So thank you for that.

Mainly, I would like to just express my concern with the dress code of the students in the assembly. In my opinion, there were only three out of the twelve girls that were wearing school appropriate attire. I realize this is a special event, but I can’t help but wonder what kind of message we are sending our students? These ladies were very beautiful in their dresses. However, I feel they were being really objectified. I realize my views on modesty and appropriate dresses to wear may not match up to societal norm; but that is not really the point. The point is we are telling all the young women in our student body that they all should be wearing skin-tight, super-short dresses. I am not okay with that. They get this message everywhere they turn and I think we should try our best to teach them otherwise every chance we get. The fact that these young ladies were in next to nothing really made me feel uncomfortable. I thought about this the whole time the scripts were being read. I can only imagine what a sixteen-year-old boy was thinking.

While the boys were better, I think there is also room for improvement. The only thought I really have about the boys is trying to enforce a stricter dress code. I think it is safe to say that sometimes our students do not take this assembly as seriously as they ought to. I know it seems like it is an impossible task to try to get the students to not yell or say inappropriate things during these events. However, if we enforced a stricter dress code and asked boys to wear slacks and a button up/tie, I think we would eliminate the instinct for a student to yell, “nice bulge!” out from the audience. If the participants on the stage take this event more seriously- as an honor- maybe our student body would too. Is there a way to enforce a dress code that will enhance the effect of the assembly?

Also, while I feel the students might enjoy getting to select songs to play for themselves, it seems to take away from the overall effect of the program. Can we honestly say that playing “I’m a Flirt” or “Ride Wit Me” is really appropriate? I even admit to being an old school Nelly fan but I just don’t feel a song talking about getting high should be in a school assembly.  I think an easy fix would be to select one song and play it for everybody.

In general, I feel we should try to take this homecoming assembly to a point where it is a honor to be up on stage. After all, it is in fact just that. It should not be an event where we see who gets the biggest laughs. As teachers at this high school we get to set the standards of what our events are like. Let’s set the standards high and teach kids how to respect their peer’s accomplishments.

Let me know what you think! Once again, I appreciate all your hard work. Also, I don’t believe I could very well write this letter without offering some assistance to you. I am more of a behind the scenes type of girl. However, I’d be willing to help if we could make the assembly more school appropriate. Thanks for reading!

Sincerely, 

Kasie

Whew! I felt better after that! A couple of sad things that I also discovered that day:

I discussed the assembly with my Horticulture students. I said, "Guys can we talk about the assembly today?"

All heads turn my way. Wow a very attentive audience. I say, "I don't think it was completely bad...."

"No, Ms. Bogart it was BAD!"

Many of them thought it as horrible as me. They agreed that those girls should have been wearing more clothes. However, this comment was made, "Yeah those are the clothes we should wear when we are 20. Or when we go to the clubs." 

This is what is said, NOOOOOO!  Don't wear them when you go to the clubs, people! You have to be safer than that. They did not get this. They thought I was off my rocker for the most part. 

Then, there were also several young men that made stupid comments about "not seeing anything wrong with what they were wearing." Honestly, I have no idea how to help that problem. 

Second thing that is kinda sad- It happened almost a week ago and I have yet to get a reply from my administration. The teacher in charge replied and it was very productive. Being ignored sucks.

Kind of a funny thing- Right after I sent this letter I walked in the teacher lounge and started reading the newspaper. Bad idea. Came across "The Gospel of Barack" and that just fired me up even more!

Fight on brothers and sisters! Peace.

On Faith and Feelings

Oh no, she's gonna talk about her feelings again.........

Yep. Because yesterday as I went about my day I couldn't help but feel so LOVED all day. I am not sure what it was about yesterday but it was just a really good day.

This great day had me praising God all day. Honestly, that was my thought pretty much all day. God you are so GREAT! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Which made things even better. :) So then I proceeded with more praises. Repeat, repeat, repeat!

In the midst of all this goodness I was very much aware of my tendency to fly really high and sink really low. Which is something I have been trying to work on lately. When I am having a tough day, I need to remember the good days and then go about having my bad day calmly. Remembering that most of what is bothering me at the time really isn't that big of a deal. Then when I am have a wonderful day- to praise God every chance I get.

I got this Regnum Chrisit email last week and it was pretty fitting:

2. Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings: It is important to remember two principles about our feelings. First, we are not to treat them as if they were the infallible compass of our spiritual lives. Second, their lack of support does not mean that Our Lord is abandoning us. We can easily forget these two principles and blindly follow our feelings, persuasions and seductions. We can wrongly confuse feelings with faith. This believing woman beautifully shows the attitude we must maintain. Her example of humility in the face of Jesus’ seemingly hostile rebuke truly astounds us. No rebellion, no complaints, no resentments, no pity party. She remains determinedly fixed on Christ. She maintains a spirit of humility and faith in him who has the power to deliver her daughter from the devil. Am I capable of persisting in my prayer even when it seems Our Lord is turning a deaf ear?

Conversation with Christ: Lord, let me not confuse faith with feelings. Let me not confuse trust with mere sentiment.  Never let me reduce my relationship with you to feelings, no matter how pleasurable or worthy I think they may be at that moment. Help me to remain humble in my dispositions and firm in my convictions, seeking only to trust, love and please you.

Resolution: When I experience pleasant, worthy or helpful feelings, I will thank and praise God, and I will channel these feelings toward what is more relevant: living out the deeper virtue of faith.

Peace!

Catholic Conundrum # 5: Liturgy of the Hours/Divine Office/Morning, Evening.....and Night Prayer and all the times of the day I don't yet know about. :)

Whew. That title about wore me out!


But seriously this whole prayer of the Church thing is pretty epic but at times a little confusing. Luckily, I am extremely blessed to have had a few very nice and patient sisters in Christ help me out. Plus, I am all rather new at this whole faith sharing business so I am grateful they have put up with my awkwardness.


Unfortunately, I can't recall the first time I prayed evening or morning prayer. I actually think it was at Sojourn.......but I can't be for certain. I remember thinking....huh? And okay can I leave now?


All this talk about Zion.....whatever that is :) and playing lutes and harps and timbrels. Actually, my confusion on this was simply my lack of reading pretty much anything in the Psalms tab of my Bible growing up. What does it all mean?!! haha


On top of this there are what seems a bajillion.....okay at least three prayer books you could get for the Liturgy of the Hours: Shorter Christian Prayer, Christian Prayer and the four volume one. Oh and you can get it on your cell phone. Plus, various saint related or Marian versions. Don't forget your nook or kindle as well!


However, the more I pray this form of prayer the more beautiful it gets to me. It seems to be constructed so perfectly. When I read about something I have been thinking about.....or feeling about, it gives me hope. Besides that, think of all the billions of Catholics worldwide united in this prayer. Wow. It certainly doesn't get better than that. Which leads to me to another thought- I wonder out of all the 1.18 billion Catholics worldwide, how many of us practice this faithfully? What would happen if we all did? :)


One last funny- I recently learned the difference in Evening prayer and Night prayer. As in like this past Friday recently. I had no idea about the little Night prayer section in my book. I knew it was on my phone but thought it was pretty much the same thing. I made a couple comments to a friend about the awesomeness of something I prayed about during evening prayer......... admittedly these comments where late-r night comments. So brought forth the questions------are you doing night prayer or evening prayer? Ummmmmm.....evenight. That's one right?


So my learning continued. :) I was like do you know how hard it is for me to do evening prayer that early?! (Yes, such a rough life). I was used to doing it right before bed. How was I to break a habit I have been doing for a whole......three weeks? And because I was getting a bit of crap for my sleeping and prayer habits I made this:

Yes, I copied off that genius who made the "And With Your Spirit" one.


Now off to figure out the correct times for all the other prayers.

A Modern Day Leper

On Friday, I had an epic failure of a day. It was not good. However, I have had a few days to process, grow and learn. Which means that failure of a day, maybe wasn't really so much a failure of a day after all. 

It basically starts at about 9:00. I had just finished praying morning prayer. The reading from Friday practically soared out of the pages right into my heart:

“No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. [And] be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.”

This was significant because I was getting ready to have a tough conversation with one of my students. This student was one that I care for very much and one that was disappointing me lately. I was struggling with how I was suppose to hold this student accountable for her actions yet “start all over” and forgive her. All week, and most especially that morning, I had been praying for wisdom on how to handle the situation. Then I read this and thought, “Okay, I can do this.”

Meeting time. I actually start out by handing her my prayer book and saying, “Here I read this for my morning prayer this morning and I think you need to read this before we talk.” Although not Catholic, she’s a fellow Christian and is used to this type of thing from me, so she smiles, takes the book and reads it.

“See, we gotta be nice to each other.”

Then 40 seconds later, we are both saying stupid things and are both extremely frustrated with each other. Why do conversations like this happen? Especially, when you try very deliberatively for them not to happen?

What upset me the most was I prayed for help. I prayed and read the reading. I was determined to let things go. But it didn’t happen like that. It was a failure of a conversation. And I knew it immediately after it was finished. I had done completely the opposite of what I intended to do and what I knew Jesus wanted me to do. It sucked.

Of course it was on my mind all day. I began doubting. 

Is it possible to REALLY be Christ-like in today's world? Like, really? There are tons of good, spiritual, really nice people I know. But Christ-like? 

So immediately I begin thinking- 

"Of course, what's the point otherwise......."

"But it seems so impossible!"

"But the saints, Kasie, the saints."

"It's different now- let's see St. Francis live today."

I admit. All horrible thoughts. I was seriously wrestling with this question really hardcore. The more I go "fishing with Jesus" the more complicated life gets. The more I realize I have so much work to do. Then when I am struggling and not so strong, the Devil creeps in, and puts stupid ideas in my head that make me think that all of this, all that Jesus asks us to do, is impossible.

Thankfully, I have backups. Backups that stand strong in their faith when I am doubting mine. Backups that send me a an email that is a beautiful, poetic depiction of the suffering of Jesus. Backups that remind me that it wasn't about me, them, or that student. It is and always has been that Jesus died for us and for our sins. He died for that conversation. He took care of me and everybody else a loooooooong time ago. 

Then this back-up sends me scriptural evidence, which was very much needed:

"Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ." He never asks you to do the impossible. 

Little did I know I'd see this again later this weekend. Little did I know I was going to get to lector all about this later that weekend too. Hmmmm. Funny guy, that Jesus. 

And we haven't even got to the evening prayer part yet. :) 

Let's go on a journey through Friday's evening prayer.........

Antiphon 1: Lord, lay your healing hand upon me, for I have sinned. 

Hmmmmm............that's an understatement. 

"thus even my friend, in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has turned against me." 

Then......

"Teach us to come to the aid of the needy in a spirit of brotherly love, that we in turn may be received and strengthened by you." 

That is, of course, what I needed to have done. 

Then all of Psalm 46 is pretty much awesomeness. 

"....by endurance and encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to think in harmony in with one another...." 

Lastly, "Christ loved us and washed away our sins, in his own blood."

It was so odd. Like it was all suppose to happen like that. :) Like me being determine and knowing that I had that conversation in the bag. Failing. Being humbled. Doubting. Humbled some more. Realizing (again) why Jesus died for us. Then being filled to the brim with HOPE!

So why title this post a "Modern Day Leper"? Really, I'm not. I might feel that way at times. Ah feelings.......

But for fun, let's just say we are all actually modern day lepers in some form or fashion. Sometimes we may be excluded from people- our friends, or even our families. Sometimes we may feel like the world hates us. We are in pain. We are suffering. Our hearts are broken. 

We all feel like this at some point in our lives. But guess what? 

A leper came to Jesus and kneeling down begged him and said,
"If you wish, you can make me clean."
Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand, 
touched him, and said to him,  
"I do will it. Be made clean."

Oh, the things He teaches us! So blessed!