Carpooling Conundrums : )

I believe that the object of carpooling is pretty much to save money. And if you live in big cities, you can use the carpool lane on highways. I have also heard that some people put fake people, aka mannequins, in their cars just so they can use the carpooling lane. Tsk. Tsk.

Today was my first day carpooling with the high school cross country coach, Misty. This summer I would frequent College Hill, this little coffee shop here in Winfield, quite a bit during the week. And about every time I would go, I would run into Misty. We ended up exchanging numbers. Anyway, she was always asking me about carpooling. I would always say sure, that MIGHT be something we look into. : ) I did see advantages to carpooling however these mostly existed for other people.

However, I was really thinking: "I do not want to carpool. I do not want to carpool. I do not want to carpool." lol I even tried to get out of it without straight up saying, "Hey Misty, I do not want to carpool."

ME: "Well you see I get there pretty early. Like around 6:45 at the latest."
 (Which is true..... sometimes even earlier.)

HER: "That's early! But I need to get to school earlier anyhow."

Dang it.

So I really couldn't find a good excuse for after school stuff. Afterall, she coaches and usually gets done by 5:30. Which is good. It means I have to leave at 5:30. To come home and do normal stuff. : )

The main reason I didn't really want to carpool was kind of selfish. Basically, me being selfish with my time. I am not really a morning person. It is kinda my me time; a time when I don't have to deal with people. A plus of getting to school early! I especially love the drive to school in the morning. Good prayer time, music time and there is usually something pretty around me. Especially, if I take the long route to school. So my mornings are going to be tough to give up but I think it will work out for the better.

Back to the whole saving money thing.....yeah I am pretty sure that is not going to happen with this carpooling situation. Drove back to Ark City tonight. haha But I didn't go to school. Just to my Mom's to return a book and then to adoration. That might happen a lot. : )

First day, was pretty good. I have no doubt that there is a reason why God brought Misty into my life and a reason He is not allowing me to talk myself out of this carpooling deal.

.................even though I was happy when she was sick on Monday and that meant I got to drive myself to school one more day. Yes, I realize that makes me a bad person. : )

God bless!

Growing Weary

When I went on Sojourn, pretty much one of the best parts was receiving letters. People I didn't know, sent me these letters. Well, I know quite a few of them pretty well now! But anyway I do have a few favorites. I also really liked when some people put prayers in their letters. One of my favorite prayers was on the back of a letter:

Morning Prayer

Grant, O Lord, that none may love thee less this day because of me. That never a word, deed, or action of mine may drive one's soul from thee. And ever more daring, I ask of thee, that souls may be brought to you today because of me. Amen. 

And when you stop in think of about this.....what better prayer for a teacher to say each morning. However, sometimes the last little line kind of scares me. Because sometimes that can be the most uncomfortable thing to do. Which leads me into last Sunday's first reading:

Jeremiah 20:7-9

You duped me, O LORD, and I let myself be duped;
you were too strong for me, and you triumphed.
All the day I am an object of laughter;
everyone mocks me.


Whenever I speak, I must cry out,
violence and outrage is my message;
the word of the LORD has brought me
derision and reproach all the day.


I say to myself, I will not mention him,
I will speak in his name no more.
But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart,
imprisoned in my bones;
I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it.

I am willing to bet that each of us feels this way some times. In fact, it isn't really cool to be a Christian. So we try to keep in it. For example:

• No that isn't my rosary that fell out of my pocket on the ground at school, maybe it's E's. 
• I don't really care what God thinks today.....I am going to do want I feel like.
• I really want to talk to you about Him and all the crazy, awesome things He is doing for us, but I think you will think I am crazy. 
• Could I please just go back to functioning properly when I didn't think about Him all the time!
• Or why can't I talk to you about Him? That's all I really want to do.
• I know you are going through a tough time. You are in pain. What would you think if I told you to look to Him? Because I know that is the only thing that can help...
• Or the ever elusive....Oh it was just some "church thing"....let's just keep it short and simple with no details. 

So as you can see I struggle to hold it all in. Because in reality it is just bursting to get out. It is a fire burning in my heart. Hands down, the best conversations I have ever had have been centered around Him. But then, someone asks me what my bracelet means....I get all nervous. lol I mean I just prayed about this this morning. I prayed to bring souls to You. And then I get all dumb? :)

Anyway, God also reminds us of this in a verse from Romans: 

I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God,
to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice,
holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.
Do not conform yourselves to this age
but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that you may discern what is the will of God,
what is good and pleasing and perfect. 

"Do not conform yourself to this age" 

Well, He said it not me. We must not conform to what others think. You must do all you can to build a stronger relationship with Him. And at the same time lead others to Him. It is not an easy task. It is a scary task. But it is THE task. 

This also reminds me of a Theology on Tap I went to a while back. Fr. Ben talked about why Catholics MUST be different. He's right. If it weren't for the differences that a few Catholics showed me by the things they did (not said), as opposed to holding it in.....well I don't know where I'd be. Fr. Ben also talked about this verse from Matthew:

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Please pray that we have the courage to be lights for others, that we realize that different is good, and that we can NEVER endure holding Love in so that we may share Him openly with others. In Christ, through Mary, amen. 

An Unlikely Date

Today I felt like I just rolled out of bed and said, "Surprise me God. I dare you!"

Because there is just no way I could have seen or even made up today's happenings in my head. It was just a little crazy. But all kinds of good!

I was excited to go to mass today! I mean I usually am, however I hadn't been to Holy Name the past two weeks because of being out of town. And needless to say I was just really ready to come back to my home parish and celebrate mass with my people and with Father Mike. : ) I ended up sitting with Katie today. I met Katie a couple of weeks ago at Theotokos, a women's group that our parish just started up. Which speaking of, I still need to blog about that at some point..... haha But anyway it was good to sit with someone I actually converse with outside of mass. I am really looking forward to getting to know Katie more. She is one of the teachers at the grade school here and is in charge of the cyo activities. This week she is coming over for dinner and to watch the best show ever, Gilmore Girls, on Wednesday night with Emily and I.  It should be good times!

But anyway, Katie and I were chatting after mass about me helping with cyo nights and this old man comes up to us. He was going about 90 miles a minute about taking us to lunch, he asked me if I was a school teacher. I said yes. He said, "Well I have just enought money for the two of you, see you at the college." And then he walks off. Katie kind of smiles at me and says, "Well do you have lunch plans?" I didn't realize this guy was serious. But apparently he was. So Katie and I drive to the college cafeteria. And I am laughing because we are eating lunch in kind of like the twilight zone, a college cafeteria and I realize that when this guy asked if I was a school teacher, he actually meant was I THE school teacher. As in the new school teacher at Holy Name. Whoopsie.

But anyway, I made sure to let Dean, as is his name, know this as soon as I could. And it just got weirder. He had actually been employed by Ark City, Winfield, Dexter, and at some point Holy Name schools. Maybe even Sacred Heart in Ark City. So we had plenty to talk about. Dean has many "hobbies". He has cattle, grows a garden and he is ONE of the only beekeepers in Cowley County.

I say ONE because I happen to know the other one: Mr. Harvey. Oh Dean, had so much to say about Mr. Harvey. Mr. Harvey is kind of similar to Dean, in the fact that they both have huge gardens full of tomatoes and they both have a passion for honeybees. And don't get either of them started on how much we need honeybees to pollinate our crops and vegetable gardens. : )

But the best part of our conversation was when he found out I was the FFA advisor. Because apparently somehow Mr. Harvey gave him some tomatoes that we had started for him in our greenhouse. And the thing about these tomatoes is that they somehow got mislabeled. So his seven rows of tomato plants were actually seven rows of cherry tomato plants. And this man had just bought me lunch! : )

He was definitely quite the character to listen to. Plus, about halfway through lunch, a friend of his, Brent, showed up and chatted with us too. I learned a lot about these two men at lunch. Mostly nothing important. I did learn that Dean's wife is in the veterans home and has Alzheimers. She doesn't know her last name but she is one of the most mobile and active people at the home. I learned that Dean just likes people. I saw him approach a whole table of asian students and chat with them for a good 5 minutes. When he left them, their faces looked exactly the same way I am sure mine looked after being asked to lunch. I am really glad Katie and I could have lunch with Dean and Brent.

Then later that night I was going to go to the cyo adoration they were having. At Holy Name we have adoration on Monday at 8am through Tuesday at 8 am. So this was out of the normal hours. I was excited because I figured this would be an awesome way to start my week but also to get started working more with the high schoolers at Holy Name. I even brought my normal adoration things to do. However, I was pleasantly surprised with evening prayer, and doing the exposition and benediction of the Blessed Sacrament. Complete with incense and awkward singing. : ) It was another first time experience for me.....I had actually never witnessed them put the Host in the monstrance. At least I don't think.....definitely not from 2 rows back! : ) But I do think I remember some of what we did from the Catholic Family Conference. All I know, is that I hope that cyo does this more often and that I have most certaintly had a very fulfilling Sunday.

I must also say this: I loved every single reading today in mass....and Father's homily. I just felt like I got so much learning and reflecting accomplished today. Hopefully, I can find time to blog about those three readings and my thought process some time this week. So thankful for such a blessed day!

Thursday....the best day of the week!

Thursdays really are the best day of the week. Why? Well I think in college there may have been slightly different reasons I enjoyed a good Thursday night, however now........I tend to think this: no matter how much work I have on Thursday, or how late I have to stay up on Thursday, it is going to be okay because tomorrow is Friday. And surely I can make it through one more day. : ) I celebrate Thursday's a lot with my students for this reason. I often remind them, "Just one more day, until you get a lil break guys!"

And seriously, this Thursday did not disappoint. All in all, it was a pretty good second day of class. I was very excited to experience a planning period for the first time in a year. Last year I did not get a planning period, however this year I get one every other day. Which is fantastic! I could have opted for a planning period both days, but then I would have had to drop Floral Design. Which I wasn't willing to do at all, as it would have left many of my seniors without an ag class.

But anyways, my happy of today happened after school was over, after my wonderful planning period, and after my 7 pm FFA officer meeting. I decided to stop by Phil's after my meeting. Then I had to leave again to get a book from a student. But then I finally made it back. I would just like to say God knows what is up. He knows what He is doing.

I got to spend the next two hours of my evening talking teacher talk with Megan and then having some "ice tea" with the boys in the garage. I hope this is how every Thursday night is spent for the rest of the year! The best part is....I had planned to spend about 10 minutes at Phil's, just to get a little of my mail. My auto insurance still gets mailed there......but ended up staying forever. Didn't even get home until after 10:30.

I love my brother, Levi. I have wrote about this before, maybe not on here, but he always says exactly the right things. I don't know what I would do without him. Growing up, Levi and I were kind of paired up. Kami, my older sister, was kind of on her own, although we were and still are pretty close. So it was kind of like Kami, then Kasie and Levi, and then the two little girls, Kaitlyn and Megan. So Levi is definitely the best brother I could have ever have asked for. Plus, he finally asked me about Frank. haha Then there is Clint. Which Clint kind of gets thrown in the Kasie/Levi pairing along with Keith, my other cousin. We all had quite a good time growing up shooting bb guns at each other, playing in the tree line and making up epic good guy/bad guy games.

Funny thing tonight.....walked in the garage to Levi giving Clint a haircut in the garage. Funny stuff! But that pretty much describes their relationship. But tonight just reminded me so much of how I need to be spending my time. This is my family! I really hadn't hung out with Levi and Clint like this since Manhattan. What is the dealio? For realio? 

Heck, Clint and I are even going through some of the same stuff. We talked the typical school talk, Clint is helping with our Ag Issues team.... but then we started talking about all the hangups that come with dating. It was quite entertaining. I have come to the conclusion that we worry and make up so much crap in our heads that it isn't even funny. : ) The things I think of.......ridiculous! But at least it is just not me. : )

So I don't know what to think sometimes. I know that I feel like I keep getting reminders lately from Him. For example, here is a picture I took in my school hallway.....

My school hallway! Why the heck was this in my school hallway? I was not in Wisconsin! But this whole solidarity concept has been on my mind a lot lately. We need people. But really we need Him more than we need people! And I am struggling with that a bit. So how does this solidarity thing really work?

I really feel I was brought closer to Him through the Holy Spirit, working through people. But then I felt scared. Mostly because I didn't know if I could do "this" without certain people. Basically, I was relying on other people more than Him. Which is not such a good thing and I was about to learn a lesson. And I really didn't want to learn this lesson. Mostly, because it really sucks sometimes... but more and more I feel like God is trying to teach me to just rely on Him. And believe me, I sure do put up a fight. So I am left asking this question a lot, "What about solidarity, God?"

So I usually just have this conversation with Him and then end up being really confused as to where to go next. But then I just know this.....there are people out there going through exactly the same thing. Or at least something similar. There are new converts, there are new teachers, single people, my cousin Clint, my brother Levi, my Sojourn friends, a new friend I finally met at Holy Name, my students, all who help can make me a better person. They can help me in my journey. We can help each other get to Heaven. We can help and support each other. We can keep each other sane. But why do I always end up relying on these people too much?

So now I am even more confused on how to not do this. Regardless, I am very blessed to have an evening such as tonight. It was an evening of solidarity. Obviously, I don't have all the kinks worked out. But I feel good that I am thinking about these questions finally. I am starting to be more aware of how the realtionships in my life are all tied to the number one realtionship in my life, Jesus Christ. Yes, God does want us to have these earthly realtionships that seem to satisfy our human natures. However,  we need to keep our hearts set on His realtionship. We need to make sure we are falling in love with Him, even when it is so easy to turn to others for instant relief. I know His plan is going to be indescribable, and CRAZY! However, I am human, and just need to be pushed and prayed for in making sure I turn to Him above all people and things.

School Prayers!!

 Written at two different times. So times may be a little confusing. : )

School is tomorrow!! And I should really just go to sleep because 5:23 is coming way too soon. But I would just like to point out what a difference a day can make.

Let's just say that I have been at it again. In fact, Monday was kinda bad. I just couldn't get past the idea that I wasn't excited for school to start. I just kept remembering that last year at this time I was beyond excited. After each day of school, I would drive home each night, not being able to wait for tomorrow to come so I could go back to school again. Needless to say, I was not at this point. And that worried me. Why? Am I a bad teacher for thinking this? What is wrong with me? Why am I dreading tomorrow?

I didn't even pray about this on Monday. At all. All day I kept thinking I should really talk to God about this or anything really. But I just kept putting it off. Until that evening. I had actually spent a full day at the school working, and had driven home for a bit. Then I remembered I needed something at the school and decided to drive back to AC to get it. I took one of my favorite little back roads called Green's Farm Road. It is perfect for stars, sunsets and windows-rolled-down-feet-on-the-dash kind of driving. As I was nearing AC, I felt ready to pray. So enters the Hike/Bike trail into the scene. For me, it is actually more like the Ponder/Pray trail. :) It was very much needed. After leaving the trail, I felt better than I had felt all day! I still hadn't figured out what was going on with me but I had made it clear I needed help. I could not do this without Him.

And you know what was playing when I got into my car? Times, by Tenth Avenue North. Seriously. :)

So Tuesday. My turn-around day. The little freshmen came to school for orientation. They gave me quite the little pick-me-up. Then my heart was like.....this is why. And then I can't even really begin to tell you how many times I was reminded of this throughout the day and night. He is amazing.

So even though I know this year might be a little tough for me, it will be okay in the bigger picture of things. I definitely don't have everything figured out. However, I see how beautiful it could be and that gives me hope. Things might be a little/ a lot different.....It does make me really sad and it does worry me. Then I also worry about my seniors leaving. I worry about that fact that I feel like I have been pouring my whole self into these kids, and I don't know if it's enough. Enough for who???

So even though I was a little scared of this year, I felt the first inkling of excitement. Just being around those kids and finally having my classrooms all put together made a world of difference. I was really looking forward to adoration that night. It was getting pretty late when I finally finished up at school, but I actually wanted to go home and shower and eat first. I didn't even get to adoration in AC until like 9:45. In fact, I had almost convinced myself to not go because I thought I should be sleeping. :)

Once again- so glad I went. My amigos where there! Then the 10 o'clock person was late. Which after talking to the family that was there and telling them I would wait to leave until the scheduled person got there, I got a good 15 minutes of one-on-one time with Him! This is only the second time ever I have been at adoration alone, and it was, once again, just what I needed. Then when the 10 o'clock person came, it was Wayne. So I chatted with him for a little while about school. It was a good night and I felt more than ready for school the next morning!

So how did the first day go? Different. As expected. But very, very positive. Thank goodness for hugs all day!

Please pray for my students. Please pray that I can be more for them than just another teacher.

Katie Talk

My First Easter: Written January 1st, 2011
-This specific blog post was written during the time period I was converting to Catholicism 


January 1st,  2011

Ahhh today was great! I have definitely still had Catholic/church things on my mind. I know that I have said that I really shouldn’t be worried about what others will think. Afterall, I am a 26 year old responsible adult who is very capable of making these kinds of life decisions. But I still needed to talk to Katie about my plan. Katie, my best friend. I needed to tell Katie before I talked to some other people about it. : )

I just should have known! I should have known she would have been so supportive. Because then I would have told Katie 1 week ago when I visited her in Manhattan...but I chickened out. haha But I did get to talk to her about it tonight. Yes, I was a little bummed that it wasn’t face to face but it turned out perfectly!!

I guess it was just good to share some of those things with my best friend again. She totally understood and actually encouraged the idea. We even joked about how when she went to RCIA with Jacob a few times, how Jacob made fun of her for taking massive amounts of notes. Well I too took massive amounts of notes. haha

We talked about my concerns with not having others to go through the process with, about choosing a sponsor, about how good this would be for me. To give me a break from school. She even understood me, when I told her this is the path I feel God wants me to take. Ahhhhhhhhh! Pure wonderfulness! Pure connections! Shared emotions. Good talks. Love her!!

Looking back on things I wrote, each time I journaled about my concerns with telling people I was converting, I am happy to say they have all been very positive. I think this is true with a lot of things in life. So share things with people; they might just turn out to be super supportive and awesome!

Oh and one other thing. I think the line "to give me a break from school" is kind of funny now. : )Like, I really thought that it would only be a break from school. Can you say clueless? 

Roosevelt Roadrunners Are Lucky Ducks!

I am going to brag on my sister, Megan for a second. She just got all graduated up and is getting ready to start her first year teaching the kindergarten kids of good ol' Ark City! She will be a Roosevelt Roadrunner! : )

I love talking to Megan about teacher things because I can see how excited she is about teaching. New teachers are great to talk to for this reason. Plus, she is elementary education, so I love making her teach me how she teaches kids to sound out words on a beat, or how they teach kids to read, or making her tell me bathroom stories or head lice stories. She has some pretty good crazy stories, that just wouldn't happen to a secondary education teacher. : )

Plus, Megan and I kind of tag team Brynley and Cooper a little bit and try to teach them things. You might hear them say, "Geez guys, how many times are you going to make me count to a hundred?" Oh and I love the time we did the alphabet game with Brynley during Christmas dinner and she was doing "Allie Alligator" and knocked over her drink. She was sooo good at it though and it was pretty much amazing me. Just ask her to do "Minnie Mouse". Her little hands, eating a pretend cookie all while making the letter m sounds.....it's so cute!

Anyway, so we have ourselves a little family of teachers now. It's pretty cool. : ) Back to the story......Megan had been getting ready for school. I asked her if I could come see her room. So last Thursday I went to her classroom excited to see what she had done with it. But it wasn't done and I could see that she was slightly overwhelmed. I can still remember how that first year is.....so much to do. And it is like where do you start? Heck, I still feel that way. : )

But anyway, I told her I would come in the next day too and we'd set her room up. So that is what we did! In fact, about halfway through we called up my other little sister, Kaitie, and she helped too! We didn't get a ton accomplished but I think what we did get done made Megan feel a lot better. Kaitie and I fixed up her word wall and bulletin board and we made Megan organize. Here are some pictures:

BEFORE:  Yes, she has a fireplace in her room! How great is that?!

DURING: Baby tables and chairs!! Thankfully, she had proper scissors. Yes, I made quite the mess.

AFTER: I made Kaitie and Megan sit in the Fish Mouth!! We named the little fish above: Kaitlyn is the little blue guy, Megan is the long blue guy, I am the green fish, Kami is the clam (or perhaps the pearl), Levi is the seahorse and Ben is the pufferfish. Haha Ben! Oh and I just realized I forgot Hannah!!

One last thing, the whole time we were making this fish thing I had that Little Mermaid, Under the Sea song in my head. I hope she plays that song on the first day!

Catholic Conundrum #3: Grace Before Meals

Check out these other conundrums if you haven't yet already:

CC#1: Confessions
CC#2: The Eucharist


Just typing "Grace Before Meals" made me smile. It's also funny how a simple little prayer before eating can make some things so awkward.

Growing up, I had a variety of different experiences with praying before eating. My Mom's side of the family didn't really pray during our family gatherings. My Grandma Bryant's didn't really either, however we'd do this thing for Jesus at Christmastime. However, my Nannie and Papa, always prayed before meals. There was a time in my life where my Dad was living with them, so they pretty much helped raised us three girls. But even at my Nannie's house, my Aunt Karen would always be the one to pray, as she was kind of labeled the "church" one. Kind of a funny side note, my Aunt Karen was the one who gave me my first Bible, and the one that had the most concerning/legitimate questions for me when I told her I was converting. That was a good conversation. : )

So fast-forward to high school. I met Emily. Emily was one of my very best friends the last couple of years of high school and in college. She also just happens to be my RCIA sponsor. Emily always prayed before eating. In fact, it was a common occurrence for me to not to be paying attention and talking to her, turning around and seeing her making the sign of the cross with a little smile on her face. Whoopsie. I am glad Emily could share her faith in that way. Because she prayed before meals anywhere and everywhere and it didn't matter who was there.

Now fast-forward to the present year. I pray everyday but have an awful track-record for praying before meals. It's just not ingrained into my prayer life. I am like halfway through eating or I am driving down the road an hour later and remembering, whoops I forgot to do that again!
 
Here's a story for you and the real conundrum:

I had a friend from Sojourn, Frank coming down for day. I was going to take him to Nieves, a good mexican food restaurant, and then county fair it up. We are at Nieves enjoying some chips and salsa. Then the waitress brings us our orders. I am in the process of digging in and he goes "You want to say a prayer?"  Honestly, and this is terrible, I was like oh yeah this is what I do around this group of people. And then it hit me....... I didn't know the prayer!!! I knew it said bounty and amen. And all the other times we pray it, I sort of just listen. : ) Oh idiot, I am thinking in my head, "why haven't I memorized this yet?" So we/he prays for us and that is that. But it was good, I am glad somebody can remember to pray before eating. : )

I put that on my list of things to do and then forgot about it for the week. So the next weekend I am driving to Wichita to meet up with Frank again and then go to the Wine and Cheese Young Adult party at the Catholic Family Conference. I am literally on the turnpike and remember I haven't memorized that dang prayer yet!!! So what do I do? I google it and memorize it as I am driving down the turnpike. Good thing it is short and sweet. Technology was definitely my friend that day. 

So even after memorizing this and often times some of the other formal prayers as well, I am a little slower than some people. I have to think about what is coming up next, whereas most people don't have to think. They just say it. In fact, you take the big group of other people away from them, and they might have trouble saying it. However, if you take the big group of other people away for me it makes it way easier for me to remember it. Oh and the singing versus saying the prayers matters too! I am used to the Gloria being sung, and we I go somewhere where we just say it....it throws me off! :)

Here's looking forward to the next conundrum!

On Repeat...not the mindless kind

Repetition is a good thing. It is something as a teacher I appreciate. It is something as a daughter/sister/friend I appreciate and yes even as a music listener I can appreciate. I am definitely guilty of ruining a few good songs for myself because I am constantly putting them on repeat. Right now I am loving Down, by Mat Kearney. I love the "Top of the lungs! Hallelujah!" part and the beginning. :) So I listen to it over and over again because it makes me happy.

I know that at times the Catholic faith is one that gets slammed for it's repetition. However, that is definitely one of my favorite parts and something I believe has helped me grow leaps in bounds in my prayer life, both in formal prayers but most especially in my little impromptu, self-made ones.

Let's talk about formal prayers. One amazing gift I have been given by my Mamma Mary, is the rosary. I remember the night I prayed my first rosary. I was so excited to get home from school and from everything else. I holed up in my room, sat on my bed, and unfolded my cheat sheets someone had written for me as a guide. I had acquired a perhaps uglyish rosary from a Catholic friend that I had been asking rosary questions to. It was one of those white, plastic ones that they hand out to people. But in reality, it was like gold to me. It is kind of funny actually, because now I have several rosaries and that ugly, plastic one is still my favorite. Everyday, it fits perfectly in my pocket and I like that other people have used it too. Yeah, I am sentimental.

So this first night, I remember reading all the prayers. I finished. It took me like 40 minutes. Wow this rosary stuff is going to take up a lot of my time, I thought. To be honest, that first rosary did feel worthwhile but I definitely didn't completely get it. At the beginning, I was a little perplexed about the mysteries and exactly what I should be doing as I prayed. But I kept doing it. I would be like okay, I have now said the rosary 5 times. Not that I was keeping track, but when you have only done something 5 times, you know you have only done something 5 times. : ) And before I knew it I had lost count.

Little by little, that repetition had helped me memorize all the prayers that go with the rosary. On Mother's Day, I finally buckled down and memorized the Hail! Holy Queen because I had been slacking on that one a bit. So at that point, I could do it pretty much without my cheat sheets. I didn't have all the mysteries memorized for the specific days of the week. However, I did have my favorite mysteries to ponder. I know, I am special. So if I didn't have my cheat sheet and I wanted to pray the rosary, I would just do a combo of my favorite ones. It would go a little like this:

"Okay, I need to say "Yes" to God more, so I will think about the Annunciation"
 Then I would typically stay with the Visitation next because that one just really makes me happy.
"Oh the descent of the Holy Spirit, is an awesome one! Please come to me and use me for others."
And then for some reason I would skip around and go to the Agony in the Garden and then the Baptism in the Jordan.

Yes, I knew this wasn't the most correct way to say the rosary but I didn't think Mary would mind. At least that is what I was told by a friend. : ) And it is all a part of the journey, and I can only imagine how more meaningful the rosary will become to me.

Nowadays, the rosary has turned into this weapon for me. It is so far from meaningless repetition for me. Sometimes, I might pray an "empty" rosary. But I feel that it still serves it's purpose. This repetition has helped calm my mind and is a huge comfort for me. I love it! Thank you Mama Mary! And if you are skeptic of the rosary....just do it. And repeat. Then you'll understand.

So more on helpful repetition. As a teacher I know that repetition is key. Students will not get new concepts the first time. Maybe slightly, but it definitely needs to be revisited. And the more you revisit it the more they get it and the more they can put their new knowledge to use. The obvious parallel you could draw to this concept is reading your Bible. That's and important but let's talk about something different.

Take a look at these pics:

These notes I took sometime in January make me smile. They are questions I had, things that made me go hmmmmm, or simply things I wanted to find out more about. I was reading the book, The World's First Love by Fulton Sheen. Oh man, most of it went in one ear and out the other. Yes, maybe I should have been reading a different book as an introduction to Mary. But this book is definitely one that I revisit and reread. I love rereading certain chapters in adoration. And each time I am like, "Oh that makes more sense now." But to get to the making sense part, I had to get through the note-taking, the praying, the re-reading, the repetition. It is amazing how that repetition thing works.

And lastly, I want to leave you with this prayer:

Ave Maris Stella

Hail, bright star of ocean, 

God's own Mother blest, 

Ever sinless Virgin, 

Gate of heavenly rest. 

Taking that sweet Ave

Which from Gabriel came, 

Peace confirm within us, 

Changing Eva's name. 

Break the captive fetter's, 

Light on blindness pour, 

All our ills expelling, 

Every bliss implore. 

Show thyself a Mother, 

May the Word Divine, 

Born for us an Infant, 

Hear our prayers through thine. 

Virgin all excelling, 

Mildest of the mild, 

Freed from guilt, preserve us, 

Pure and undefiled. 

Keep our life all spotless, 

Make our way secure, 

Till we find in Jesus, 

Joy forevermore. 

Through the highest heaven, 

To the Almighty Three, 

Father, Son and Spirit, 

One Same Glory be. Amen.

I have been reading this a lot lately. At first, I am sure the only part that really stuck out at me was the ending. But I kept saying it and now it is amazing how much it means to me and after days of reading it certain paragraphs would all of the sudden stand out to me. Plus, it is just crazy that I went from the questions at the top of the first note-page to absolutely loving that second paragraph. I really like the fourth paragraph as well.

So keep it up! Repeat those prayers. Reread those books. You never know when it will become clear. Sometimes we have to work through the mindless to get to the meaningful.

Earth to Kasie!

First off, I am incredibly blessed. I know this. Secondly, even knowing this, I worry all the dang time. Ugh. It is starting to annoying me. :)

I got back from District Officer Conference, and my once-a-year-visit to Rock Springs 4-H Camp, this afternoon. Although my personal FFA experience was very jammed pack and very fulfilling, I never had the opportunity to attend DOC until this year. I appreciate the work the State Officers put into this conference very much and had a great time working with our new district officer team. It was fun to experience my "first-time" DOC experience with them as their "first-time" DOC experience as well. And if that last sentence made sense to you, then we can be friends. But really it was a good conference.

Happies o' DOC

- Small size. It is amazing how much different workshops go when the size of a conference is and can be more personable.

-Seeing my students succeed

-Attending my first Exec lol

-Best for Last- A Dr. Seuss theme!!! And yes, I do have to think how to spell Seuss every time I write/type it.

So pretty good stuff. I finally made it home to my house a little after 5. I was starting to worry about some things, life things,  and I really felt I just needed to go to mass. I wasn't able to go this morning because of DOC but I knew that catching a Wichita mass was always an option. I did my magic on masstimes.org and came up with a solution! 7pm mass at the Newman Center- the last mass of the day anywhere in Wichita.

Got there about 40 minutes early and it was a little weird inside. Sort of like 2 churches in one. I would find out later it is because this church gets packed full! So I sat all the way to the side and ended up not really being able to see the priest. But I could still hear him. : )

So here is today's Gospel reading:

Gospel Mt 15:21-28

At that time, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon.
And behold, a Canaanite woman of that district came and called out,
"Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David!
My daughter is tormented by a demon."
But Jesus did not say a word in answer to her.
Jesus' disciples came and asked him,
"Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us."
He said in reply,
"I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."
But the woman came and did Jesus homage, saying, "Lord, help me."
He said in reply,
"It is not right to take the food of the children
and throw it to the dogs."
She said, "Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps
that fall from the table of their masters."
Then Jesus said to her in reply,
"O woman, great is your faith!
Let it be done for you as you wish."
And the woman's daughter was healed from that hour.

Okay. I admit, at first this really wasn't speaking to me. At all. I wanted something better. I drove all the way to Wichita, not because I am suppose to attend mass but because I needed to attend mass. But then I was beginning to get a little disappointed. Mainly because I wanted Him to make me feel better. 

Then I got delivered a big Earth to Kasie, through the homily. It is pretty much what I needed to hear. Why does this always happen to me? :)

In fact, when I got back out to my car I typed out some quick thoughts about the homily on my notes app on my phone. I wanted to remember them. 

Here is what I typed: 

God doesn't always give us what we want. He gives us what we need. And what we need is eternal salvation. Sometimes what we want, regardless, of how badly we want it, will separate us from Him. How could he possibly give us something that would do that? Even if we pray for it all the time. 

In regards to praying: You don't need to change God's mind. You are the one that needs to let Him change you. However, keep talking to Him. Pray to keep that line of communication open. Have faith that He will provide you with what you NEED.  Get rid of doubt. Put your complete trust in Him.

And like always, it not the fact that I didn't know that stuff. But it is that fact that I needed to hear that again. He knew that and He told me again. Afterall, growing in your faith is a really long process. Never-ending. 

This priest also did an excellent job relating the Gospel reading to those notes. How the women asked Jesus several times to help her daughter. How it may have seemed that Jesus was ignoring her requests. But how she still remained persistant and didn't doubt. Which of course we should replicate in our prayer life. But I just really loved the need vs. want battle he talked about. Very relatable. 

And the best part of this whole story. The priest at the Newman Center (and I didn't catch his name) was the priest that covered for Fr. Mike's vacation at Holy Name, the church I would have attended if not for DOC. I found this out as my new roommate and I were talking about where we went to mass today. :)  I guess God really wanted me to hear that homily one way or another.

Oh and one last thing: My friend Emily, who was also my RCIA sponsor, signed me up for these daily meditations that get sent to my email. Do I do them daily? No, but they are really good when I do read them. Here is a link to today's:

Ask and You Shall Receive

I found the resolution helpful. : )

Oh and for real last thing.....tomorrow we get to celebrate the Assumption of our Momma Mary! : ) Wichita here I come!

Rain!!!!!!!

Awwww.....today is my favorite kind of day. I actually woke up late--- 9:06 or something like that. I was like, "Why is it dark and why didn't my alarm go off?" Well, I went to adoration in AC last night and had my phone turned to silent. And it's a new phone and I didn't realize even when it's on silent the alarm is also silenced. But then I got some good news!!! I looked out my window to investigate the darkness and it was raining and it was cloudy and it was dreary. Perfect!! So then I was happy that I slept in during the rain. GSD.

But now the rain is distracting me. I have these awesome windows in my room at school and I am watching the rain. It makes me want to go home, curl up on the couch and read a book. Or I just want to go driving in it. Must. Get. Work. Done. : )

More to come on Theotokos, a new group that some ladies in my parish started, later. It's good stuff. It made me want to go climb mountains. : )

Tunes para tu

I am currently attempting to "get crap done" at school. Listening to Needtobreathe Pandora station and they played this song:

The Little Things: The Bird Song

Which at about 2:58 it reminds me a bit of this song at 2:16:

Something to Say: The Cricket Song

So today was the first day I heard the "bird" song. Good work Pandora!

Now back to work!

Pure Awesomeness

 

Seriously?! It is obvious that I have the best student's ever!  Found this in one of my welding textbooks.

Happies o' the CFC

Here’s a text I got tonight:

“Ohhh this makes me smile : ) Crazy what a year can do, eh? : )”

A year ago I was starting my third year teaching agriculture at Ark City. I was beyond excited. I had some amazing students--- and I don’t think I knew then how amazing they were. My head was full of ideas. Honestly, mostly ideas about how to become a better teacher, or ideas to better our FFA chapter. I was getting a new teaching partner and a roommate for a semester! Things were great. Oh funny. Really, though, it is kind of funny. ☺ I had no idea…..

Funny, because I just came from my first ever Catholic Family Conference and outdoor Eucharistic Procession. A year ago I would have been….Eucha-Whata? It’s funny how a small little idea of “I need to go to church.” turned in to me becoming a full member of the Catholic Church this past Easter. Me talking about my “goals” or my “wishlist” with some of my FFAers led me here. Me becoming a Catholic was so not on the radar, because that would have been crazy-talk. I actually remember a conversation with a friend sometime in October that went something like this, “What does it matter? I am not Catholic and I am never gonna be Catholic…..” God must be saying, “Joke’s on you, Kasie.” Lol And then a couple of months later, on Christmas day, I told my Mom (first person I told) that I was converting.

When people ask me “my story” as they like to call it, I can usually give them a few details. But in reality it is sooo many things. In fact, I wrote during that time period and will eventually post those too. But I think the simple answer is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was talking to me but also working through others in my life. Plus, my dang curiosity. Or should I just say thank God for making me so curious. ☺ But that was the Holy Spirit too. Haha Oh and initially I was very curious about contemporary Christian music and was a closet listener for awhile. It's god stuff. : )

But anyway, here is a little condensed version of the text I sent back:

“Haha yes definitely a cool thing going on here. And yes it is crazy!! Mostly crazy b/c I hope that a year from now I can say the same thing ;)”

This past year has been an amazing year of growth for me. I think it has challenged how I view all the relationships in my life. I am becoming a better teacher, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, and sister in Christ. I am more self-aware. So I know I had absolutely no idea how much my life was going to change at this point last year. Which gets me very, very excited for the coming year (you can tell I am a teacher, my year starts in August). I want to continue to cultivate what I have already started and be amazed at my harvest!

So anyways, Happies o’ the Catholic Family Conference:

-    Seeing a lot of people excited about the Catholic Faith
-    Meeting up with Frank and the rest of the Sojourn crew
-    Running into a fellow ag teacher, Jackie and her surprising me with a book from her sister, Laura!
-    Incense- I know they use it at a lot more things than Easter, but that is what I can equate it to at this point. And that makes me happy.
-    Running into Torie and Paul and the rest of the Reilly gang. It was fun to see them all again.
-    Seeing some of my students there
-    Just simply being able to take the time to continue learning….it’s never-ending- which is definitely a perk of the Catholic faith
-    Ohhhh and my first outdoor Eucharistic Procession!! It was….. ☺

Texting God

My First Easter: Written February 2nd, 2011
-This specific blog post was written during the time period I was converting to Catholicism

I love to drive. It a great time to think and reflect, scream and yell, sing and dance, and basically do anything else that you feel is therapeutic. This past weekend, I was traveling to Manhattan, which meant a three-hour drive with just me. Usually, this is great news, however I wasn’t really looking forward to this drive for one reason: I couldn’t get my head to shut off for the past week or so and I just wanted it all to stop. I didn’t want to have to THINK ever again. Yes, maybe I was being slightly dramatic but a three-hour drive with just my dang head and me was not looking like a fun time.

But this drive did start the beginning of quite the little weekend. I was being too much of a thinker most of the weekend, but I got to reconnect with some friends, get a therapy session from a great friend, ponder a few things with God and I got to share Him with multiple people. It was great. At least that part. haha

So anyway, back to the dreaded three-hour drive. It did kind of suck. haha But I started to think about something. Go figure. Here is a question I kept thinking:

“What if I could just text God?”

I want to text God about something ridiculously stupid and I want Him to reply back to me. I want to text God an inside joke and I want to picture Him smiling about it and then get a response back that only I would understand. Basically, I was being dumb. I wanted to talk to God and I thought he should have to talk to me back.

“Just send me a text message God.”

I know what people might be thinking….just pray already. I had. But I was getting so frustrated lately with praying. Maybe that’s why I wanted to text Him so badly. I don’t know if other people get into funks with prayer. It’s like I pray and am so distracted that it’s hard to get a prayer in or I just feel empty after and just prayed to say I prayed. I don’t know. It’s weird and I was getting fed up with it.

I guess this stems from a need for a direct and immediate response from God. Which doesn’t usually happen, at least in a way that we are able to recognize. I also know that I shouldn’t think I am worthy of a direct response from God. No one really is. Plus, when you really stop and think about this, I think a lot of people crave this. But then when they don’t get exactly what they think they should get, they turn away from God and try to get it that direct response from another source. Which is not good.

A lot of these thoughts were popping up into my head against my will because I was thinking about not texting someone that I would normally text a lot. And it was hard. And it was frustrating when something random came up that reminded me of them that I couldn’t send a stupid little text message. It is just a freaking message. Why did it matter so much? It shouldn’t be so hard but most importantly it scared me that it bothered me so much.

So then I got to thinking about what if God were a contact in my phone. Would He be on my favorite list? Would He be the one with 300 or so messages after his name? Would it bother me so much if all the sudden I couldn’t just text Him?

I wasn’t so happy with my answers. I don’t think that makes me a bad person, I think it makes me one among many that struggle to put God first. Which also doesn’t make it any better. But it is good that I can work on this more now. I shouldn’t focus all my attention to one or a few people. Most importantly, I should try to have more conversations with God. He should be a part of my daily life more than He is currently. I need to celebrate with Him when something good happens. Go to Him with my struggles when something bad happens. This sounds so simple and pretty easy to do. Most people probably think they already do this. In fact most people, would be like, “Okay I just need to pray more and that will do it”. That’s what I thought too. But no! It’s more than that. He should be the first one we want to text each day about what is going on in our lives or something that made us smile. He should be our number one contact. It should make you cry thinking about what life would be like without being able to “text” God.

So I roll into Manhattan wishing I could text God and being frustrated about praying. The conference was good. At the beginning, I felt sort of just there. It was good to see friends but my head would not shut off. I finally got to meet up with my friend Allen right before I had a meeting. Spilled my guts to her. In a span of about 15 minutes, I got everything off my chest and told her all the crazy stuff going thru my head. I told her I was becoming Catholic. I told her I was scared now that I did it for the wrong reasons. She told me I was stupid for thinking I did it for the wrong reasons…..that God brought me here. Get this……she told me sometimes we have bad things happen, just to be closer to God. I was like…..you have no freaking clue!! She was so happy that I was going to church and didn’t think it was weird I was becoming Catholic.  She told me I was being stupid….in some ways about the whole church thing. She told me she understood what I was going through and that I wasn’t crazy. She told me she loved me. She told me it wasn’t going to be easy. She told me I needed to do things for me. For the first time in a week I felt better.

I am so blessed. Not everyone can have an Amy Allen in their lives. Someone that can listen and advise without making a person feel like crap or like they failed. Someone that is there just to listen and build you up when you need it most. No matter what you have done. I felt so revived. So hopeful. I really feel if it weren’t for her, I would have exploded. : )

So anyway more randomness to come….. You know those coming-to-Jesus meetings we all have with the people in our lives at some point or another. Well, I guess when you talk about all the events of this past weekend, you could call all of them my coming-to-Jesus meetings. It pretty much happened everywhere I turned. Which is good. ☺ I had one with myself in the suburban on the way to the conference where I recognized I needed to put God as my number one. I had a pretty typical one with Allen. Now I was gonna have one with the big man upstairs.

So I went out that night with some friends. Wasn’t really feeling the cheer. Feeling way better after my chat with Allen, but I did leave early. As I was driving home, I got into the driving mode again! It was great because if there is anything better than driving, it is night driving. And if there is anything better than night driving, it is night driving in your favorite part of the world. And Manhattan happens to be pretty special to me. So I wound up on a huge hill with some beautiful sky above me. I got mad at God (wasn’t very nice of me). I cried. And then………. I prayed and finally felt like He was getting the message. Finally.

Now, the next morning, I was about to have another coming-to-Jesus meeting with my old professor from college…..

We are just sitting at the lunch table, holding typical conversation you have with a bunch of ag teachers. He is just sitting on my left, and leans over and says “So what do you do for fun?” I laughed. Mainly because two things popped through my head:  Nothing and catholic-nerd-studying. Neither one seemed liked a very suitable answer for him. We talked a little about the necessity of finding something to do. In reality, if I don’t find something to do again and just for me, I will not be teaching much longer. Yes, my job is very demanding. Yes, it is far too easy to get consumed in the job. I do know about this problem and I do already know that I have about reached my limit. I can’t continue teaching and being an FFA Advisor like I am currently doing. I will get too consumed in others and will loose sight of me. I will not be happy. It will affect my relationship with those around me and it will not be how God intended me to live. I need BALANCE. So once again I have more work to do. : )

So as the weekend progressed, I began to feel differently about my relationship with God. Leave it to me to make a weekend meant to become a better ag teacher one more about my struggles with my relationship with God. Haha. But it felt renewed. I even got to share with my friend Laura about me becoming Catholic and got to attend mass with my best friend Katie, who is not Catholic. Opening up and having these conversations with multiple people was a huge blessing. This is what God intends for us. This is also when I was most happy!

The conference was pretty much over and now I got to spend some time with Katie and Jacob and my good friend Father Keith! Haha I say good friend, but really just know him through the RCIA videos from St. Isidore’s that I watch. Which just a little nerd fact, I have now watched 12 videos at approximately 2 hours in length. Yes, that is a DAY’S worth of RCIA videos. Haha So you could imagine that I have developed a certain fondness for Fr. Keith and was super excited to get to attend a mass of his. Just Katie and I went. It was a packed house! Crazy amounts of people there and there were no missals to help me. But that was okay because they had amazing music with a real choir and violins. Which I liked very much!

Father Keith’s homily talked a lot about the Beatitudes. The things Jesus told us to do to be better Christians and to help us get to the Kingdom of Heaven. The thing he really hit on the most was doing these good things not because we are supposed to do them or because Jesus told us to do them. We do them because we truly want to. That we expect no gain for what we are doing to be returned to us. Because when we do this without want for any personal gain, we have the light of Jesus shine through us to the people in our lives. The thing that got me to thinking was, how can I be completely sure I do something out of love and for no personal gain? If I even have to ask that question am I doing things all wrong? Sometimes, I think I am good at this. But then other times I know I fall short. But then if it is still a good thing to do, should I not do it anyways? And why do I have to think so much about these things. : )

Anyway, I also could relate a lot of what Fr. Keith was saying to apply as a teacher. Which, made me feel more at ease about why I was still teaching and about why I was even sitting in that church that morning. I felt good. Then at one point during mass we offered up our prayers. Well, I guess this is happening pretty much the whole time but the time when everyone responds, “Lord, hear our prayer”. And since Father Keith is awesome, he paused a little longer than usual on the end one where we get to do a spontaneous prayer. Being raised Protestant, this is where I feel like I can get my own little thing in. So I got my little prayer in, and everyone responded “Lord hear our prayer.” And I was like “whoa” I get it. In that instance, with everyone all gathered in the church together as one, saying those four simple words, I felt like I had just received a text message from God. “Kasie, I hear you, I am working on stuff, you are where you are suppose to be (so quit being dumb and second guessing everything), be happy, I love you”. I know this happened because I was with a body of believers and that I had been having those conversations with God.

So a bunch of ramblings about a weekend I feel blessed to have had. I KNOW that everything happens for a reason.

PS- It is true. God is a contact in my phone. I am sure He receives all my text messages. He and someone else maybe??? : )

Catholic Conundrum #2: The Eucharist (Yes, I know, a serious thing to screw up) :)

So the summitt of the Catholic faith got screwed up by me. A couple of times in fact. Here are the tales:

So to keep in tradition, a little back-story first. I can never tell a short story it seems. As a Methodist, communion was a little odd for me. In fact it was held once a month and I tried to avoid church on those Sunday's. Mostly because I knew I wasn't baptized, so it felt weird to go up there with my family, being the lone one out. I felt like I was dong something wrong. I still went up and took communion at times and nobody yelled at me- but it was always weird for me.

So fast-forward to like my second mass ever. At least the second mass ever when I had intended to become Catholic. I had actually been to Catholic masses several times before with various friends throughout high school and college. But anyway, I was encouraged by a Catholic friend the night before to go up during Holy Communion and this time cross my arms in front of my chest to partake in a spiritual communion. I was a little unsure about this whole process- "Are you SURE that is okay?" and "What's going to happen?" were just a few of my silly questions I asked her. But anyway, the time was here to go up for spiritual communion......and I chickened out. lol But it was because the priest had switched sides on me!! He was on the opposite side from last week and some other eucharistic minister (I am sure I didn't know they were called this at the time) was on my side. And I had convinced myself they would not know what to do. So I didn't go up. Ugh.

BTW, I still don't know the answer to that question. What would the Eucharistic Minister do? Bless them? This was actually a common problem I had during the RCIA process. Thankfully, Fr. Mike usually stayed on the left side so 95% of the time I did go up for a spiritual communion. Which is where I still sit to this day.

So yes that was confusing. But now I don't have to worry about it. : )

Here is another story about Holy Communion:

This was also during RCIA, more specifically during my first Holy Week. Ahhhhhhh, Holy Week. I remember thee fondly. I actually think it was during Holy Thursday mass. I was really into this mass. I am not going to lie, on a few occasions I am just not completely there. It doesn't happen a lot but it does happen. Then there are times that I am super into mass. Thank you, Holy Spirit. This was how this day was going. We get to the second part of mass, and I am getting ready to partake in a spiritual communion. Like I am all in, wrapped up in stuff. I get up for the Eucharistic Feast, walking and praying. I get up to Fr. Mike. We both just kind of stare at each other. He looks confused. Why? Oh crap, my arms aren't crossed. I had them in prayer mode. But after we both kind of get our act together, he blesses me and I go on my merry way. Awww so close. jk so yeah that was a little embarassing. But I was just glad it was a priest I knew, so he would know that I wasn't actually Catholic...yet. Give me two days. : )

Okay then the next story happens two days later. Yeah, I am just that good. Okay, so it's the big day. I should really blog about this day sometime, because I actually haven't not even in my "old stuff". It truly was a day full of blessings and love. It started perfectly and ended perfectly. Coffee shop to Church. lol

Anyway, I was super excited for the Easter Vigil Mass. I was also super nervous...about stupid stuff. Mostly, I just thought I'd do something wrong in front of everyone. I even went into the church earlier that day to run through a few things with Fr. Mike and the servers. And I still didn't feel completely prepared. Becasue that is how I am. : ) lol

But the Easter Vigil mass came and I had just got through my baptism and confirmation unscathed. In fact, I was brand new! No words can describe this......honestly so AMAZING. So I thought I had got through all the standing in front of people, center of attention stuff. So I had told my sponsor and friend, Emily S. that I wanted her to switch me spots when we took our seats again. I believe this happened while we were standing at the front. Oh funny me. You see, I don't really like being the center of attention and while this stuff was once in a lifetime, amazing, glorious, beautiful stuff, I still didn't want to be the first one to take Holy Communion. So my plan worked, she was on the outside now and I could second. Then Father says, oh well since this is a special occasion, we are going to let Kasie and Eric take communion first. WHAT!!

Plan was foiled. So I kind of smile and laugh a little with Emily. And go up for my first Eucharistic Feast. I wish I remembered it better. The whole night is a bit of a blur of all sorts of emotions. And this is the blurriest. I think that as I walked up there my mind shut off. I have no idea what I was thinking. I did bow. But then, I kind of opened my mouth and held out my hands at the same time. I realized at this time I really hadn't thought through how I wanted to receive Jesus. I mean I have studied and planned constantly for months and I forgot this?! Father Mike tried putting it into my mouth but then into my hand, and I confused the altar server. Oh man! Then Father kind of laughs and smiles and I hold out my hands. Amen. Success. And then, I chance a glance at my family and friends as I walk over to the wine, and can definitely tell I am going to get crap about this later. Embarrassing? Oh yeah, but well worth the wait and the mess up!

I apologized to Fr. Mike after mass, and he totally thought it was the server. It was totally my fault though. Nice guy. : ) And yes, I was given crap about this after mass. They thought it was humorous. But I didn't care because I just felt beyond blessed to have them all there to share that moment with me.

Stained Glassed Projects

So my Grandpa Selenke had a lot of hobbies. One hobby that he was definitely King of was being ornery. He was always teasing me, or my Grandma or making up some story. A common phrase out of my Grandma's mouth was "Oh, Pete!" "Or Pete, stop that!" lol I like to think I got a little of his orneryness. When I was younger my Grandpa also collected and smoked tobacco pipes. We kiddos loved playing and pretending with his pipes. And I still love the smell of a tobacco pipe. : ) Grandma made him quit though. : ) He also seemed to like to collect toothpicks and those white wife-beater shirts. lol

Then my grandpa got a motorcycle and liked to take all of us grandkids on motorcycle rides each time we came to visit them in Oxford. Then, they moved out to Warsaw, MO. That's when the motorcycle became a boat! We'd visit them on their lakehouse and had lots of fun in the water.

And lastly, but perhaps my favorite, he learned how to make stained glass items. He would make crosses, fish, shamrock things, and a variety of other items given away to my family as gifts. It definitely sparked my interest and I really wanted to learn his craft. I really wanted to learn it from him. However, I never got around to not being "busy". My Grandpa, Leo Pius Selenke, passed away April 6th, 2011. My favorite things about him were his voice, his salt and pepper beard, and he gave really strong hugs.

So this summer, I happened upon the chance to take a Stained Glass Class! It was pretty stinking cool. My teacher said I was a natural and couldn't believe I hadn't worked with stained glass before.

My first project.

A constellation/moon/starry sky I am making next. I love, and know a few other people, who love of good night sky. The constellation is Leo. Mostly, because that is my Grandpa's name but also because it is a lion (I kinda like the Aslan reference) and then simply because I did like how this constellation fits. And the moon, well she reminds me of my Mama Mary. I really like this project for myself but I think it will turn into a gift.

















Here is another project I am making for my teaching partner, Casey. Her husband's family has a strong farming tradition out in SEK. The 5E represents their brand. It is on all their equipment. This design needs a little more work to make the actual writing work for stained glass. I need to add a few lines to make the cuts possible. But it should turn out really great!

I actually just bought the glass for the constellation window catcher while in Kansas City! Ready to start working on it before school gets too crazy!

Songs and Be Not Afraid

Don’t you just love the little things? Right now I am in Overland Park at the Sheraton hotel for a conference for Career and Technical Education teachers. Currently I am just chilling and being an Internet junkie in the hotel lobby. And guess what? A little Francie B (most people use her real moniker, Francesca Battistelli) is on the speaker, barely audible over people chatting and a showing of The Bachelorette. Makes me smile. Kinda like how Josh Wilson’s “I Refuse” is now very lovingly referred to as “The Bathroom” song after hearing it in a Wendy’s restroom on an FFA trip.

Disclaimer: That’s all I wrote at summer conference……haha I wanted to write more but pretty much as I finished that little paragraph up, I was called away for some friend time. But this stuff has been in my head all week! Practically bursting to get out of my head! So I’ll actually skip the summer conference stuff for now and talk about pre-Summer Conference!!

So the little things. Yeah, love’em. And especially songs. Honestly, the right song played at exactly the right time is unbeatable as far as Ways-to-Make-Kasie’s-Day go. And that just so happens to be what happened on Sunday. But back story first……

So I have been a little blah pretty much the whole month of July. Ugh. I am not really sure what my deal was and I really didn’t even want to blog about it so I just haven’t blogged in awhile. I do tend to have a slight problem with worrying and having anxiety over certain things, and there was a particular thing in July that was giving me lots of worry time. I know, I know. I know the Bible verses and all that jazz. However, I had felt angrier than I have ever felt with God. I was actually kid of rude and a jerk to Him. And I can honestly say I had never felt more alone and lonely. So I was mad at Him for seemly taking it all away. I just didn’t feel close to any of my really close friends anymore and the people I did or wanted to talk to, I couldn’t talk to. I was alone.

I have lived by myself and have been single for 4 years now. And in all the time I have actually been okay with that fact. Why all the sudden did I feel so lonely? I had even met so many new friends this summer. So what did I do? I prayed a lot. I got mad a lot. Prayed some more. This cycle was on repeat. All. Freaking. July. Then things started getting interesting….

God was answering my prayers. And when He did, I felt a sting. For two reasons. First of all, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. Because actually, I don't deserve it. Second of all, it scared me. So much in fact that I wanted to be like, "Okay God I know this is what I wanted but....." So he sent me a new roommate, a teacher that wants to carpool with me to work, new friends at summer conference, and a good friend, Frank.

I don’t understand Him or His plan for me. I get so frustrated with His plan sometimes and ask for help. He gives it without question. He gives love without thought to how I treat Him. It’s like He is saying I am letting you feel this way so you will be led to to these things/people or get to this certain point.

Anyway, so like I said I was afraid. Like, I could seriously talk myself out of any of the above situations. And believe me I tried. Mostly because even though I was lonely, this felt unsure and scary too. For instance, a roommate would be cool, she was even a fellow Catholic, but then I will have to share my space, food, time…..blah, blah, blah. Or if I carpool I will *gasp* have to leave school at a decent hour. Or hanging out with Frank will just be too much work and I don’t have enough time. Huh? All about me. I get so mad at how selfish I think sometime. But that is a whole different blog post.

So I was given these things- these people. Chances to make connections, build on relationships, chances to not be lonely. But I was ready to return it all back to the Wal-Mart service desk so that I could get back my loneliness gift card. All because I was afraid or am afraid. So that is the point I was at, and still kind of am at.

Then came Sunday mass. I LOVE Sundays! This Sunday was actually going to be even better than a normal Sunday because two of my students where attending mass at Holy Name as they were camping at the County Fair. And I was excited because I never get to sit with people I “know” at mass. So it is like the best thing ever when I get to share that with people I love. So anyway, my students, one of the girl’s parents, and I sat together. It was a good mass. ☺ The best part was of course the Eucharist. After taking communion, we made our way back to the pews. The first hymn was over and it was time for hymn #2. I don’t usually sing the songs during communion because it is just pretty awesome prayer time and apparently I can't multi-task. But even though I usually don't sing during the communion hymns, I do love it when others do. : ) So I didn’t really pay much attention to the new song. However, I did notice that my student was singing it without a hymnal. Then I started listening to her, at first just because I liked listening to her sing but also because it was cool that she knew the words without looking. Dang cradle Catholics! ;)

What I heard couldn’t had been more perfect/beautiful: (click to listen)

Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow Me,
and I shall give you rest.

The words were perfect, her singing was absolutely beautiful and she’s not even a singer. I could barely hold myself together. I honestly thought I was going to flood the place at any second. I was in awe of God, His goodness, Him blessing me with these two students and His plan. Yeah, I still hurt. But it was going to be okay. I didn’t feel like I had completely screwed everything up and I felt HOPE!

So I was so flustered that I forgot to look at the song name…..remember I don’t even open the book during the communion songs. Also, this week has been busy at Summer Conference, so I hadn’t had time to look it up even though I was thinking about a lot. But I knew she’d know, so after thinking about that dang song all week I texted her and asked my student what that song was called. And so that is how I got introduced to Be Not Afraid. ☺ And I have since found out, that it pretty much the only song she’d would have remembered 4 days after mass because singing it on Sunday pretty much made her week too. : ) God is such a great DJ and somehow orchestrated the perfect song for both of our hearts. Pretty awesome.

She also texted me this quote:

"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."
-Blessed Pope John Paul II

Funny thing is, she’d shown me this quote before but I didn’t know JP II had said it, or to be really fair, much about him at all. Oh, I am special sometimes. But that quote and that song is exactly what God is trying to tell me:

“Don’t be stooped : ), I am right here with you. I know you are scared of the unknown but it is going to be the coolest thing ever if you will just quit trying to control and worry about everything. Go ahead- step.”

I just love it when God works through the people in my life. I pray that I can be the same for other people. So blessed.