Dishwashing=Therapy

Where to begin? From the beginning..... nope that'd take too long. ;) Let's just say I was driving myself pretty much insane yesterday. Nothing particularly bad happened but I was finding it very hard to function and  to get through the day. I even had some pretty fun things planned for class and it was like my mind was everywhere but in class.

In fact, it didn't really even get better until around 7 pm that night when I started cooking and watching Gilmore Girls. haha However, in the midst of me freaking out pretty much all day, I cleaned the kitchen at the school, all the coolers, the pans we had used for various things, the oatmeal I had spilled all over the place that morning, wiped up all the counters, cleaned the cupcake pans, and put everything away. It made me feel better! As I was doing this, I kept thinking I cannot sit down for lunch or I might not make it. So I just kept washing dishes.....even while realizing I was being slightly crazy.

I think most of the day I was beyond frustrated with myself. I know that this month is the month that we celebrate Mary as being Our Lady of Sorrows and that today is even the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. And when I went to adoration this past Monday, there was this awesomely, amazing new Marian statue. Where was this statue was positioned you might ask? Well at the foot of the cross of course! And so adoration was pretty much amazing that night!

Mary and Mary's sorrows have been on my mind like crazy. The fact that she could actually be there and watch Jesus be mocked and tortured and crucified is beyond my comprehension. And it's not like today times when people understood what Jesus was all about. People didn't really now all about Jesus like we do today. Plus, not to mention all the suffering she endured her whole life simply because she said "yes" to God's will, before and after His death. She suffered so much but so beautifully.

I could not do that. She gives us this perfect example of suffering- how not to be afraid and how we should  not to try to run from suffering. And at that point yesterday, while doing those dishes, I was soooooooo far from the example that she has given us. And I was so mad at myself. Just buck up.

Yesterday was a struggle for me. I really wasn't seeing God in things. I doubted God so many times. I fought with God all day. Finally, coming home, cooking, eating dinner with friends, and watching Gilmore girls started to fix things. Then I was at it again at about 10 pm that night......doing dishes, laundry, and cleaning my room....... and finally having a reasonable conversation with Him. I went to bed at peace........... and with a really clean school and home. :)

I know that I will continue to struggle with this thing. I could really use some prayers to help make me stronger, to help make me more like my Momma Mary.

In Christ, Through Mary!