Don’t you just love the little things? Right now I am in Overland Park at the Sheraton hotel for a conference for Career and Technical Education teachers. Currently I am just chilling and being an Internet junkie in the hotel lobby. And guess what? A little Francie B (most people use her real moniker, Francesca Battistelli) is on the speaker, barely audible over people chatting and a showing of The Bachelorette. Makes me smile. Kinda like how Josh Wilson’s “I Refuse” is now very lovingly referred to as “The Bathroom” song after hearing it in a Wendy’s restroom on an FFA trip.
Disclaimer: That’s all I wrote at summer conference……haha I wanted to write more but pretty much as I finished that little paragraph up, I was called away for some friend time. But this stuff has been in my head all week! Practically bursting to get out of my head! So I’ll actually skip the summer conference stuff for now and talk about pre-Summer Conference!!
So the little things. Yeah, love’em. And especially songs. Honestly, the right song played at exactly the right time is unbeatable as far as Ways-to-Make-Kasie’s-Day go. And that just so happens to be what happened on Sunday. But back story first……
So I have been a little blah pretty much the whole month of July. Ugh. I am not really sure what my deal was and I really didn’t even want to blog about it so I just haven’t blogged in awhile. I do tend to have a slight problem with worrying and having anxiety over certain things, and there was a particular thing in July that was giving me lots of worry time. I know, I know. I know the Bible verses and all that jazz. However, I had felt angrier than I have ever felt with God. I was actually kid of rude and a jerk to Him. And I can honestly say I had never felt more alone and lonely. So I was mad at Him for seemly taking it all away. I just didn’t feel close to any of my really close friends anymore and the people I did or wanted to talk to, I couldn’t talk to. I was alone.
I have lived by myself and have been single for 4 years now. And in all the time I have actually been okay with that fact. Why all the sudden did I feel so lonely? I had even met so many new friends this summer. So what did I do? I prayed a lot. I got mad a lot. Prayed some more. This cycle was on repeat. All. Freaking. July. Then things started getting interesting….
God was answering my prayers. And when He did, I felt a sting. For two reasons. First of all, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. Because actually, I don't deserve it. Second of all, it scared me. So much in fact that I wanted to be like, "Okay God I know this is what I wanted but....." So he sent me a new roommate, a teacher that wants to carpool with me to work, new friends at summer conference, and a good friend, Frank.
I don’t understand Him or His plan for me. I get so frustrated with His plan sometimes and ask for help. He gives it without question. He gives love without thought to how I treat Him. It’s like He is saying I am letting you feel this way so you will be led to to these things/people or get to this certain point.
Anyway, so like I said I was afraid. Like, I could seriously talk myself out of any of the above situations. And believe me I tried. Mostly because even though I was lonely, this felt unsure and scary too. For instance, a roommate would be cool, she was even a fellow Catholic, but then I will have to share my space, food, time…..blah, blah, blah. Or if I carpool I will *gasp* have to leave school at a decent hour. Or hanging out with Frank will just be too much work and I don’t have enough time. Huh? All about me. I get so mad at how selfish I think sometime. But that is a whole different blog post.
So I was given these things- these people. Chances to make connections, build on relationships, chances to not be lonely. But I was ready to return it all back to the Wal-Mart service desk so that I could get back my loneliness gift card. All because I was afraid or am afraid. So that is the point I was at, and still kind of am at.
Then came Sunday mass. I LOVE Sundays! This Sunday was actually going to be even better than a normal Sunday because two of my students where attending mass at Holy Name as they were camping at the County Fair. And I was excited because I never get to sit with people I “know” at mass. So it is like the best thing ever when I get to share that with people I love. So anyway, my students, one of the girl’s parents, and I sat together. It was a good mass. ☺ The best part was of course the Eucharist. After taking communion, we made our way back to the pews. The first hymn was over and it was time for hymn #2. I don’t usually sing the songs during communion because it is just pretty awesome prayer time and apparently I can't multi-task. But even though I usually don't sing during the communion hymns, I do love it when others do. : ) So I didn’t really pay much attention to the new song. However, I did notice that my student was singing it without a hymnal. Then I started listening to her, at first just because I liked listening to her sing but also because it was cool that she knew the words without looking. Dang cradle Catholics! ;)
What I heard couldn’t had been more perfect/beautiful: (click to listen)
Be not afraid,
I go before you always,
Come follow Me,
and I shall give you rest.
The words were perfect, her singing was absolutely beautiful and she’s not even a singer. I could barely hold myself together. I honestly thought I was going to flood the place at any second. I was in awe of God, His goodness, Him blessing me with these two students and His plan. Yeah, I still hurt. But it was going to be okay. I didn’t feel like I had completely screwed everything up and I felt HOPE!
So I was so flustered that I forgot to look at the song name…..remember I don’t even open the book during the communion songs. Also, this week has been busy at Summer Conference, so I hadn’t had time to look it up even though I was thinking about a lot. But I knew she’d know, so after thinking about that dang song all week I texted her and asked my student what that song was called. And so that is how I got introduced to Be Not Afraid. ☺ And I have since found out, that it pretty much the only song she’d would have remembered 4 days after mass because singing it on Sunday pretty much made her week too. : ) God is such a great DJ and somehow orchestrated the perfect song for both of our hearts. Pretty awesome.
She also texted me this quote:
"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."
-Blessed Pope John Paul II
Funny thing is, she’d shown me this quote before but I didn’t know JP II had said it, or to be really fair, much about him at all. Oh, I am special sometimes. But that quote and that song is exactly what God is trying to tell me:
“Don’t be stooped : ), I am right here with you. I know you are scared of the unknown but it is going to be the coolest thing ever if you will just quit trying to control and worry about everything. Go ahead- step.”
I just love it when God works through the people in my life. I pray that I can be the same for other people. So blessed.
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