Growing Weary

When I went on Sojourn, pretty much one of the best parts was receiving letters. People I didn't know, sent me these letters. Well, I know quite a few of them pretty well now! But anyway I do have a few favorites. I also really liked when some people put prayers in their letters. One of my favorite prayers was on the back of a letter:

Morning Prayer

Grant, O Lord, that none may love thee less this day because of me. That never a word, deed, or action of mine may drive one's soul from thee. And ever more daring, I ask of thee, that souls may be brought to you today because of me. Amen. 

And when you stop in think of about this.....what better prayer for a teacher to say each morning. However, sometimes the last little line kind of scares me. Because sometimes that can be the most uncomfortable thing to do. Which leads me into last Sunday's first reading:

Jeremiah 20:7-9

You duped me, O LORD, and I let myself be duped;
you were too strong for me, and you triumphed.
All the day I am an object of laughter;
everyone mocks me.


Whenever I speak, I must cry out,
violence and outrage is my message;
the word of the LORD has brought me
derision and reproach all the day.


I say to myself, I will not mention him,
I will speak in his name no more.
But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart,
imprisoned in my bones;
I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it.

I am willing to bet that each of us feels this way some times. In fact, it isn't really cool to be a Christian. So we try to keep in it. For example:

• No that isn't my rosary that fell out of my pocket on the ground at school, maybe it's E's. 
• I don't really care what God thinks today.....I am going to do want I feel like.
• I really want to talk to you about Him and all the crazy, awesome things He is doing for us, but I think you will think I am crazy. 
• Could I please just go back to functioning properly when I didn't think about Him all the time!
• Or why can't I talk to you about Him? That's all I really want to do.
• I know you are going through a tough time. You are in pain. What would you think if I told you to look to Him? Because I know that is the only thing that can help...
• Or the ever elusive....Oh it was just some "church thing"....let's just keep it short and simple with no details. 

So as you can see I struggle to hold it all in. Because in reality it is just bursting to get out. It is a fire burning in my heart. Hands down, the best conversations I have ever had have been centered around Him. But then, someone asks me what my bracelet means....I get all nervous. lol I mean I just prayed about this this morning. I prayed to bring souls to You. And then I get all dumb? :)

Anyway, God also reminds us of this in a verse from Romans: 

I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God,
to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice,
holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.
Do not conform yourselves to this age
but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that you may discern what is the will of God,
what is good and pleasing and perfect. 

"Do not conform yourself to this age" 

Well, He said it not me. We must not conform to what others think. You must do all you can to build a stronger relationship with Him. And at the same time lead others to Him. It is not an easy task. It is a scary task. But it is THE task. 

This also reminds me of a Theology on Tap I went to a while back. Fr. Ben talked about why Catholics MUST be different. He's right. If it weren't for the differences that a few Catholics showed me by the things they did (not said), as opposed to holding it in.....well I don't know where I'd be. Fr. Ben also talked about this verse from Matthew:

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Please pray that we have the courage to be lights for others, that we realize that different is good, and that we can NEVER endure holding Love in so that we may share Him openly with others. In Christ, through Mary, amen.