Hugs From God

My First Easter: Written February 21st, 2011
-This specific blog post was written during the time period I was converting to Catholicism


Good day. Bad Day. Goodish Day. Freaking awesome day!!! Fun times. BAAAAA times. Why do I feel so up and down? I would say that I have never really been the type of person that rides such a roller coaster. Yes, I cry at movies, books and TV shows but I would consider myself emotionally strong.....outside of those things. : ) But it sure seems like lately I am sitting front and center on the world's craziest roller coaster ride ever. I really have no explanation for this. I remember thinking that, "You know, I have never had God on my mind more than lately. I pray more than ever. Is this why I feel so emotional?" Maybe.

But even though I feel so up and down. I feel like once again it is just bringing me closer to Him. Monday was a particularly good night.....at least the ending. I shared with an old student, John, about being super excited about joining the Catholic church and getting baptized. It was by far the best (okay second best....more to come in sec) conversation I had had all day. Probably one of the best I have had this month. I love talking about this type of thing with people who get it. Like people who just don’t nod their head and say “That’s really great to hear (aka I am only kinda sincerely happy for you and can we please talk about something else because church talk makes me uncomfortable).” It was just great getting to share with someone that understood my excitement and that really understood how meaningful this whole experience is becoming for me. So I was all happy and smiley and sorta....giddy.

So it was great. That conversation with John made me feel beyond blessed. I felt blessed that every time I have had this conversation with the people in my life that they have been great conversations! People I would have never talked about faith with, I now am. And even if they are just barely digging beneath the surface of how I am feeling it’s okay because it feels so good to talk. I get random emails from friends or a phone call from my Grandma….all talking about Him. It just makes me so happy.

Anyway, so at this point on my roller coaster ride we were at the top of the biggest hill. It was great and all I wanted to do that night when I left the school was talk to Him. Tell Him how excited I was. How amazed I was by Him. How thankful I was. How blessed I was to have Him in my life. So that is what I did. Then it hit me. I was in a relationship with Him. But wasn’t I before? I thought so, but I know now that I wasn’t fully and truly. Monday night was the first time I had ever truly got that feeling. I had always heard about people and their relationships with God. About how in love they were with Him. But now I am starting to understand.

After chatting with Him and just sharing with Him normal things I would share with to a person, I felt amazed in how my feelings had changed. Plus knowing how much my relationship has changed in the past month, I just know that I am not capable of fully understanding how much my love for Him is going to continue to grow. Which is awesome! I am loving Him more and more and more each day.

I guess you can’t have two good days in a row in this here modern world……because Tuesday…..oh bless your heart….you sucked! And really like I said before, there is no rational explanation as to why Tuesday was such a hard day for me. Nothing really bad happened to me. It was just not good and it was hard to have positive thoughts. Which once you get on that path it is hard to switch it back I guess. So once again I am chatting with God. It was late that night, like 11:30 or so. I remember praying, “God I just need you. I need you to hug me all day tomorrow. Just be with me.”

I probably have the stupidest prayers sometimes, but I am okay with that. : ) I knew that I at least needed to think about how He was with me always. That if things were bad again tomorrow, all I needed to do was think about, at that very moment, that He was hugging me. : ) Pray to Him. So Wednesday, I was armed with those thoughts and my hugs from Him. Things were really looking up. I thought about my hugs a lot that day…..and I like to think that is what made my day. : ) Nothing can really beat a hug from God. Except maybe hugs ALL DAY! : )