For example, I have a "sad" CD.....that I listen to. I have this weird jealous streak that appears smack dab out of nowhere sometimes. I like to dress nice AND then have people say I look nice. I like to eat ice cream just because I am happy, sad, with friends, hungry, or wanting to celebrate. I can take some things way to personally. I do get emotional. And lastly I hate goodbyes.
And dang-it all week I have been acting like a girl! So I apologize if this whole post reeks of "being a girl". I have been at the school a lot this week. In fact, more than I have been for the whole month of July. As I am going through papers and rearranging things I keep getting reminders. Pictures, cards, letters, old assignments, old speeches I listened to countless times, signs hanging on the wall, items long tucked away in some random drawer, mobiles hanging from the ceilings, notes in the greenhouse.....just things everywhere. These things are awesome but they are making it extremely hard to focus on the upcoming school year. And I am not ready for school.
I always joke with my kids that there is no way I could ever be a mom. It would just break my heart too much. I mean I can't imagine what it is like. I have spent almost everyday with some of these kids for the past four years and a mother has 18 years of that. Ouch.
Before I took this years FFA officers on retreat I had a friend pray for me that I was completely "present" for my new kids. It is hard for me to not want my older kids there. It is hard for me to relearn how to do things again. It is hard for me to open myself back up to start all over again.
Each evening of retreat we had a reflections. The second evening two of the officers talked about taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. One of my officers called me out and said, "What about you, Bogart? What have you done lately to step put of your comfort zone." She went on, "You seem so confident. You seem like you'd try anything and aren't afraid to talk to people."
Which I think is so far from the truth. Oh from the mouths of babes. : ) But anyways I guess it just kind of hit me there. I have a lot to share with these kids. I have a lot to teach these kids. It is time to stop being a girl and get to work. These kids are chomping at the bit, full of ideas, and full of awesome things they will teach me. If only I will let them.
This semester, I could really use some prayers. Prayers to be more present with my current students and prayers to trust in Christ.
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