A Change of Intention

I attribute a lot of today's happenings with thoughts of Narnia still floating around in my head. But really I would take it anyway He wants to throw it at me. Really though, how else do you take conversations with Him? : )

I decided to go to the Hike/Bike trail. A lot of cool things have happened at this location for me. Yet again, those tales are for another day. If you're lucky. : ) So I went here kind of on a whim. In fact, I usually do not plan to go here before I go. It just tends to happen. But I went here tonight intending to do day eight of my novena.

Now, I have never done a novena before. I picked this one up in the The-Worlds-Greatest-Bookstore-Ever! at the National Shrine in Washington, D.C. a little over a week ago. I am not kidding about the bookstore thing. But I am also the girl that could spend hours in just about any bookstore and be completely content. But this bookstore was a bookstore full of everything Catholic you could possibly imagine. Which made my little heart go pitter-patter. I mean, geesh I have only been in the SLC's dinky Catholic bookstore. So I picked up two books, a novena and a couple of other things and was good to go!

So back to the novena. I really didn't know which saint to choose or which one would be the best for me. But in the end I realized it would be a little unreasonable, for a number of reasons, to try to buy up the whole lot of them, so I chose St. Therese. In doing this novena, I could pray to St. Therese for intercession in a specific intention.

The thing is, I have been doing this novena and gradually been getting this feeling that I needed to tweak my intention. Which I know might make absolutely no sense. But the more I read and the more I prayed, I just couldn't get over the feeling that my intentions were so very selfish and not really what I needed. Then I realized, eight days ago I wouldn't have even really considered this. So cool. And tonight I did tweak my intention and I feel at peace with it.

Anyway, tonight also took me a reallllly looog time to do my novena. hahaha As I said, I went to the hike/bike trails. This time I went to the pond's edge, which I normally don't do. I usually prefer the river. So I sat and I read. And I paused and I thought a lot. Then I would read and the dang book would answer my thoughts. And as I was reading and just looking out across the water I just couldn't believe how lucky I was.

Here is what I was thinking:

"God IS real!" (maybe a stupid thought but I STILL thought this even after being a Christian for years.....)

"Isn't it amazing that God is real?"

"I don't really understand why I am here; can't I just come home already?"

"Why AM I here?! Really what is the purpose of worrying about all these day-to-day things of this life when I could be completely at peace with You."

"Peace.....I have felt it here and there and it's been wonderful. What does complete peace feel like?"

Then I stop thinking for a second and proceeded to let the dang book answer my questions:

In "this land of exile we meet with many a thorn and many a bitter plant; but is not this the portion earth gave to our Divine Spouse? It is fitting, then, to consider good and most beautiful this same portion, which has become our own. Yes, let us be one with God even in this life; and for this we should be more than resigned, we should embrace the Cross with joy."

Oh and I loved this part. It is waht St. Therese would say in the morning:

"My Jesus, Thou hast toiled and wept enough during Thy three and thirty years on this miserable earth. Rest Thee today. It is my turn to suffer and fight."

"Okay I get it....I think. But what do You want me to do? I mean, I do like my life, I do like my job....but there has to be something more...."

"Oh maybe it is just all about the people. I forgot I knew this already. If I make a difference, even just one person, I guess You are right. It is worth it. What should I do with these people?"

Then I go back to reading:

Souls are falling into Hell, innumerable as the flakes of snow on a winter's day, and Jesus weeps; and we are brooding over our own sorrow, instead of thinking of consoling Him."

Ouch. Guilty. I say in my head and then continue reading.....

And still more clearly: "There is only one thing to do during the brief day, or rather night, of this life; it is to love, to love Jesus with all the strength of our heart, and to save souls for Him so that He may be loved."

And then as I was changing my intention.....tears. Because how is that for a conversation with Jesus? Happiness.

So a little cliffhanger.....how do we save souls? More to come!