Part 1: Running

It has been quite the past couple of months. Not really in the good way either. : ) You know that wall I talked about last post? The brief mention of blocking God? Well it has been a lot of that. A lot of hiding from Him. I am trying to live a faith not fueled completely on what I am feeling. For example, when I find myself "not feeling close" to Him instead of shutting down, I try to pray anyway. So how do I do?

Well, I am not so good at this sometimes. For example, I started two novenas and then didn't finish them.  I go through the whole day realizing I only prayed at meals, and then finally really try to talk when I am super tired and not so effective at praying. I worry about something all day, finally pray a rosary at 11:45 that night, just to realize I should had done that hours ago. I tried going to confession multiple times but didn't. In fact this past Tuesday, I found myself in Wichita at All Saints for the 5:30 mass. I got there early to go to confession. I went to the adoration room they have there but was anxious and could only stay about 10 minutes. I moved to the main part of the church. I watched the birds in the windows above the sanctuary for like 15 minutes. I watched about four people enter and then leave the confessional. It was open, so I got up...........and walked out of the building. I didn't even stay for mass. I grabbed a bulletin (I don't even know why) as I walked out of the church and then back to Winfield.

How many times do we have Grace dangling right in front of our faces, just to reject it? That was a really stupid thing for me to do. Like sooooo stupid. As I was driving home, I was beginning to realize that I was in desperate need of the very thing I had just rejected. Why am I not taking more time for my relationship with Him? But even still, the rest of the week I started.....and ended....multiple plans to hit up the confessional or spend time with Him.

Finally, on Saturday I put my foot down and took care of business in good ol' Ark City. It was an absolutely beautiful day. I could walk outside and not really need a jacket. So I spent a little time at the what I like to cal the ponder/pray trail. Then it was off to Sacred Heart for a little grace. Once there, I discovered a little "hidden" room with candles and a portrait of Mary off of the main part of Sacred Heart. It was an awesome place to pray, prepare, and reflect.


START TANGENT

I don't know if you have ever watched the Gilmore Girls, but one of the main characters, Lorelai, has a dog named Paul Anka. Yes, very endearing name. Well you see, Paul Anka (the dog), is very particular about things, like exceedingly ridiculous things. Unfortunately I can't remember all the particulars, but in general, Paul Anka hates certain words and can't do _________ if ___________ doesn't happen. Just pretend this is mad libs and fill in the blanks- I am sure it will work. : )  Yeah, so I am a bit ridiculous about things too. But it is just because I wanted to make a good confession.  So good thing I found the Mary room as it fit the needs of my ridiculousness quite well.

END TANGENT :)


Confession, great! Mass, great! Eucharist, awesomeness! What does a person who is brand new do to celebrate the new year? Guess you will have to find out in Part 2: Kasie goes to the Convent. Yes....I just said that. :)

PS- Check out this song. Love it!