D as in Dysfunctional and Splitting my Time

Coming from a family who has gone through 3 divorces,  I should be pretty screwed up right? Maybe I am, but I think a lot of that stuff is nonsense. I mean I have a HUGE family now and they all love me. Plus, my other Dad's family still wants to be my family even after the divorce. Confused yet? I'll just spell it out for all the people who may not understand. 

My stepdad Phil (my other dad) and my Mom recently split up. Going through your parents divorce at age 24 (I am now 25) is definitely a little different then it was when I was in 4th grade when my Mom and Dad divorced. It wasn't all that traumatic, I only have one very vivid memory of the day my Dad left our house for good. I think that overall, this one has been way more confusing for me.

Even after the divorce, my Mom and Dad ended up living on the same street in town. Of course, like most kids with divorced parents I had a schedule of when to see who. Mine was every Wednesday and every other weekend I would be with my Dad. Plus, two months out of the year. I can't remember both but I know one was March. I thought that was cool because March is my birthday month. I was a complete Daddy's girl when I was little. I played softball, fished, and camped all the time with my Dad. 

Now back to present time. I am extremely lucky that Phil is my dad and that I picked up a new brother and sister in the deal. I know that in some families that go through divorces, they seem to put labels on what they are; Here is my step-grandma and my step-brother. Thankfully, my Mom and Phil built up a strong family that didn't have these labels. Now I don't believe that my parents were amazing to each other and they really didn't cultivated their marriage. But I do know that we 5 kids were the only things that mattered to them. We were their world. Which is so good to grow up in, but after we all left the nest it wasn't so good for them. Of course this is just my take on things. 

So back to why this divorce is confusing. Or was confusing. Normally, when parents get divorced your mom is still your mom an your dad is still your dad. What happens when your mom divorces your stepdad who is just like your dad? Is he still your dad? 

When I first heard the news, I was trying to put new labels on things. Is my Grandma still my Grandma? What will I do at Christmas? Am I still going to see Phil? Will Phil, Megan and Levi still want to see me? Is the grass green? Is the sky blue? Yes,  yes, yes ,yes, yes, yes. But it took me awhile to see that a piece of paper saying my parents were no longer married had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they are still my family. Which is such a relief to figure out, I might add. I really did struggle with the fact that I thought I was losing my Dad just because he wasn't my Dad biologically. I can't count the number of times Phil has proven to me just this year that that thought was just plain silly. I guess that is what families do. Nobody has the perfect family but I feel pretty lucky to have my dysfunctional one. 

I want to let you on on a little secret. All that above stuff I just type came outta nowhere! I was planning on talking about my 4th and instead talked about my parents problems. : ) Oh man, I guess I needed that!

So now that you all know my life story I am gonna tell you more of it. Goody. So holidays can get a little hectic in divorceville. You see, everyone has something planned. And if you choose not to go one event and opt for a different event instead, someone feels left out. They won't tell you they feel left out but you know they feel that way. It is just human nature. I have tried to put myself in their shoes and I think I would feel that way too. I mean if every year you spend the 4th of July on your aunt's porch, drinking beer, riding 4-wheelers, shooting off firecrackers and listening to "God Bless the USA" as the big finale is lighting up the sky and suddenly you don't get to go because of the big D ("and I don't mean Dallas"). Yeah, I would feel left out if everyone was there and I wasn't. Shoot if the 4th of July is this hard just think about what my wedding will be like. On second though, please don't! I don't want to begin to think about them getting remarried. I am so not looking forward to that. It is the one thing I still am not so sure about. I know it is not fair to Phil, but I don't think I would like it one bit if he got remarried anytime in the foreseeable future. Wow, what a tangent!

So what do I do. I split up my time. Hang out with Mom in the morning and in between the other two things. Take Brynley and Katie to the lake to see my Dad, Nannie and Papa, Andi and Billy, and my aunts Karen and Kathy. We swam, I ruined my cell phone, had some good grub, scared Bryn with a perch, and had homemade ice cream. Yum! Then it was off to my house in Winfield to change out of lake gear. Also, Bryn took this opportunity to scare my cat Luna to death. Luna spent the majority of the time under my bed. Then it was off to Mom's again. We checked on Baby Cooper and talked awhile. Then it was off to my Grandma Bryant's. We usually do our celebrating at Pam and Ken's house (better vantage point for the fireworks) but Pam had to wake up super early for work the next day. So we got to see Pa (Phil in Brynley talk), my grandma, Levi, Haylee, Nick, Alan and Penny, Keith and Nicole and Ken. It was good to just catch up with everyone. Oh and I had MORE homemade ice cream!!

So going to all these places is too hectic. I think next year, or for the next holiday I need to be more prepared to make some choices. Yes, I do want to be everywhere at once but in the end it just leaves me wanting more. Like I got a little taste of everything but wasn't ever completely satisfied. To leave on a positive note, at least I got homemade ice cream twice! : ) Stick that in your bun and eat it. : )