Sometimes when you're not doing a great job with communicating with God, He just tells you. Very bluntly what you need to know. I sure did get His message today.
At the middle school today one of my students threw me for a loop. She was the first one to class, before the bell even rang. It was odd for her to be waiting at my door. She says, "Will you send me upstairs?" Which "upstairs" means CSR, and honestly I don't know what CSR stands for, but it does mean the kid is in trouble. I thought, okay this is a weird request. And then goes our conversation:
"Why do you want to go upstairs? You mean CSR?"
"Yes. I am a bad kid."
"No you're not." (Which is true. Great grades. Respectful. Quiet. Wait.. do I ever really talk to this kid? Like really?)
"I am a bad kid."
"Why are you a bad kid?"
"They told me I was a bad kid."
"Who? I don't think you are a bad kid. You are a great student in my class. Why do you think you are a bad kid?"
"I'm not popular. I don't wear the right clothes. I don't have any friends. The only friend I have is the devil. I hate God. God took my mom away from me. I have already chosen my path and I am going to Hell. I am not going to Heaven with the rest of my family."
Ahhhhh how I wish there was a pause button on life at times. Because what do you say when a 14 year old girl says this to you? What do you say when she tells you to make something bad up that she did so that she can leave the class? What do you say when she tells you that she is ugly and that nobody loves her? That she hates God?
I don't know most of what I told her. But we talked and she calmed down and she was fine for class. She's been in my head all day. Sam has been in my head all day. I have never truly felt a student's pain so clearly until I was face to face with her, telling her she was beautiful. I was about to lose it and she didn't even know it. I just don't get it. Any of it. I don't understand anything she has gone through. I don't understand why she even told me. It came out of left field.
You know what else comes out of left field? Flat tires. Flat tires are never fun. And that is exactly what I had to deal with after school today. Slightly irritated, I aired up my completely flat tire enough to run it across town to Becker Tire.
Once at Becker Tire, things got interesting. I grabbed a pop and took it over to the waiting area. The waiting area had one old lady with a walker in it. This old lady was sleeping. Actually, she was fake sleeping because as soon as I crack open my can of pop she is talking to me. Which always happens to me. Thank you, God.
"What kind of phone do you have there?"
Because of course what teenager/ young adult isn't on their phone always?
After we got through the 5 minute conversation about phones, I found out her name is Kay. She started talking about her grandson Logan, an 8th grader, who just moved here from Lawrence. She talked a lot about Logan and his Dad in Lawrence. I mentioned briefly that I was a teacher, because she mention Logan thought student's were more respectful here in Ark City as opposed to Lawrence or Wichita. Good news people! :)
By this point I have completely given up on my quiet waiting room time and have put my phone completely away. I surrender, God.
Then she asks what I teach? After I tell her agriculture, she starts telling me all these stories about her "home ec" teacher and her time as a FHA (Future Homemakers of America) member. She was the Secretary of her chapter in Argonia and got her state degree. In fact, she was only the second girl from her school that earned her state degree.
Then she told me the story about going to Topeka to be awarded the degree. She talked about walking on stage to shake hands in front of hundreds of people. She said, "I was just this country bumpkin that would get my ass kicked if I looked crossed eyed at home. I was so nervous."
She then talked about her abusive mother. She told me the role her FHA advisor took in helping her in life. She told me her teacher didn't even really say a lot but that she sure did help her. She gave her flowers after she earned her state degree. She told me about her personal decision that she was going to either end her life at her own hands or get the hell out of her house. Which she obviously did the latter. She told me she had a ulterior motive to all of that....she wanted to live! Later, in life she ended up having to be her mother's caretaker and she eventually forgave her.
It was quite an amazing story. It amazed me that God had placed the sleeping old lady, named Kay, in my waiting room. It was like she was there just to bug me and tell me stories. It was literally blowing my mind because her situations and stories were so divinely crafted to speak to the situations I was dealing with. And she didn't even know it. All she knew about me is that I had an iPhone and taught Ag.
When she was leaving she told me this word for word:
"What I am trying to tell you is that sometimes you are helping kids more than you know."
"Thank you for telling me that."
"Thank you for listening."
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