A Change of Intention

I attribute a lot of today's happenings with thoughts of Narnia still floating around in my head. But really I would take it anyway He wants to throw it at me. Really though, how else do you take conversations with Him? : )

I decided to go to the Hike/Bike trail. A lot of cool things have happened at this location for me. Yet again, those tales are for another day. If you're lucky. : ) So I went here kind of on a whim. In fact, I usually do not plan to go here before I go. It just tends to happen. But I went here tonight intending to do day eight of my novena.

Now, I have never done a novena before. I picked this one up in the The-Worlds-Greatest-Bookstore-Ever! at the National Shrine in Washington, D.C. a little over a week ago. I am not kidding about the bookstore thing. But I am also the girl that could spend hours in just about any bookstore and be completely content. But this bookstore was a bookstore full of everything Catholic you could possibly imagine. Which made my little heart go pitter-patter. I mean, geesh I have only been in the SLC's dinky Catholic bookstore. So I picked up two books, a novena and a couple of other things and was good to go!

So back to the novena. I really didn't know which saint to choose or which one would be the best for me. But in the end I realized it would be a little unreasonable, for a number of reasons, to try to buy up the whole lot of them, so I chose St. Therese. In doing this novena, I could pray to St. Therese for intercession in a specific intention.

The thing is, I have been doing this novena and gradually been getting this feeling that I needed to tweak my intention. Which I know might make absolutely no sense. But the more I read and the more I prayed, I just couldn't get over the feeling that my intentions were so very selfish and not really what I needed. Then I realized, eight days ago I wouldn't have even really considered this. So cool. And tonight I did tweak my intention and I feel at peace with it.

Anyway, tonight also took me a reallllly looog time to do my novena. hahaha As I said, I went to the hike/bike trails. This time I went to the pond's edge, which I normally don't do. I usually prefer the river. So I sat and I read. And I paused and I thought a lot. Then I would read and the dang book would answer my thoughts. And as I was reading and just looking out across the water I just couldn't believe how lucky I was.

Here is what I was thinking:

"God IS real!" (maybe a stupid thought but I STILL thought this even after being a Christian for years.....)

"Isn't it amazing that God is real?"

"I don't really understand why I am here; can't I just come home already?"

"Why AM I here?! Really what is the purpose of worrying about all these day-to-day things of this life when I could be completely at peace with You."

"Peace.....I have felt it here and there and it's been wonderful. What does complete peace feel like?"

Then I stop thinking for a second and proceeded to let the dang book answer my questions:

In "this land of exile we meet with many a thorn and many a bitter plant; but is not this the portion earth gave to our Divine Spouse? It is fitting, then, to consider good and most beautiful this same portion, which has become our own. Yes, let us be one with God even in this life; and for this we should be more than resigned, we should embrace the Cross with joy."

Oh and I loved this part. It is waht St. Therese would say in the morning:

"My Jesus, Thou hast toiled and wept enough during Thy three and thirty years on this miserable earth. Rest Thee today. It is my turn to suffer and fight."

"Okay I get it....I think. But what do You want me to do? I mean, I do like my life, I do like my job....but there has to be something more...."

"Oh maybe it is just all about the people. I forgot I knew this already. If I make a difference, even just one person, I guess You are right. It is worth it. What should I do with these people?"

Then I go back to reading:

Souls are falling into Hell, innumerable as the flakes of snow on a winter's day, and Jesus weeps; and we are brooding over our own sorrow, instead of thinking of consoling Him."

Ouch. Guilty. I say in my head and then continue reading.....

And still more clearly: "There is only one thing to do during the brief day, or rather night, of this life; it is to love, to love Jesus with all the strength of our heart, and to save souls for Him so that He may be loved."

And then as I was changing my intention.....tears. Because how is that for a conversation with Jesus? Happiness.

So a little cliffhanger.....how do we save souls? More to come!

Take Me to Narnia.....NOW

Ahhhh what a night! Past week really. So I know that I was planning on blogging a bit about my stint at All Saints last Tuesday but it is just gonna have to wait. I don't know what it is about summertime but I have about a bajillion and two ideas just floating all around in my head.....and tonight's post just happens to be the most pressing.

How often have you wished to be in a different world?

This happens to me a lot when I read books and I read a lot of books in the summer. I also have a vice when it comes to books. I do read perfectly acceptable grownup types of books....in fact I have read a few of those this summer. However, nothing......and I mean nothing......can beat young adult or children fantasy. Yes that is right! I love "little kid" books.

Please take me now to Platform 9 3/4, or for a nice long stroll through The Shire. Or even better still, I want to fly across the oceans on Saphira's back straight into Mossflower woods to a huge feast at Redwall. Then when it is all over, I want to sail to the End of the World and walk with Aslan on the beach. Especially, that last one. : )

So I do have another tidbit of info about that Aslan/beach thing. Until this week I have never read any of the Narnia books and had only seen bits and pieces of the first movie. Of course, I knew enough about the storyline to catch most references to the books and to get the general idea. Ahhhh how deprived I have been!

This post could go on and on and on about so many things. Believe me. But I will try to keep things semi-focused here. Let's start at the beginning. I am an avid believer in books first. That is partially why I had never seen the movies. So I had to read books. And yes I suppose I did read them out of order, but I had to get to the movies. Please forgive. : )

So I sped through the books and loved them. Movie time. I went through a little mini-crisis in locating all the movies- dang stupid redbox had Voyage of the Dawn Treader just TWO days ago. Where did it go?! You see, I was very concerned with the last movie, and very tempted to watch it first, as I had heard it was the best. Plus, I love the things that Aslan says in the last movie/book, hence the walk on the beach. Never fear though, a friend pulled through and all movies were in my possession.

So anyway....another thing I can't believe I am putting out there for the public.....

I am a huge nerd. For real. So much in fact that as I was watching these movies, I would write things down. Like oh my gosh, I totally feel the same way! Write, write, write, write, write. So I suppose I took notes. haha Here I am a 27-year-old-teacher and this little childrens movie is totally speaking to me. And I will just say nothing get's much better than the ending of third movie......but oh Prince Caspian......you made me write a ton!! I just love the whole Lucy thing in that book. So many good things in that book.

And the thing is....drawing the parallels to my life made me feel good. Because sometimes I feel just like Peter when he asks Lucy, "Why do you think I couldn't see Aslan?". Or when Eustace (btw I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Eustace and the dragon thing!!), says "I do not think I am ready for this." How many times do you feel this way? Because I know I do at times.

And most especially here lately, I imagine having that same conversation that Lucy had with Aslan in Prince Caspian about not following him. And me asking, "Jesus, if I would have done this it would have made things better, right?" And then Him saying, "You know Kasie, we never know what would have happened......but it doesn't really matter." And for some reason that is sooooo comforting to me. Oh to have a conversation with Jesus.....well like they do in the book, anyways. It makes me smile for two reasons. I KNOW that I would ask all the wrong questions (kinda like they did).....and I would love to hug him...especially if He were a lion like Aslan.

Lastly, I love what Peter says when he finds out he won't be returning to Narnia, "It's not how I thought it'd be but it's alright." I feel like I fight this battle all. the. freaking. time. I have all these plans and thoughts about the past and the future. Worrisome plans, in fact. So bad, that at times the only way to shut my dang head off is to go to sleep. So thank you, C.S. Lewis, for the creation of Narnia, as it made a lot of things make sense for me. As I am sure it would do for you......even if your 80. Don't be ashamed to read those "little kid" books. : )

Oh and I can't believe I left out Reepicheep. He should be called St. Reepicheep. Love that little guy.....and oops prolly just offended him. : )