The Great Discovery

Oh man, what a day. I woke up…….kind of confused. Got up and realized it was 7:31. Seven thirty-one!!! I am pretty sure I spouted out more cuss words this morning than I have all month, maybe my whole life. It was not good. Haha

You see on most days, I wake up by 5:45 and leave the house by 6:30 at the latest. Drive to school, get my morning prayers in, and make it to the high school between 6:45 and 7- depending on the route I take. But today I had to drive straight to the middle school, without any of things I usually bring from the high school. I arrived just as the bell rang, looking very, very beautiful and without anything. lol

Middle school was good though. My students were understanding and we still learned a lot about plants! : ) After that, I finally got to shower! Went to my Mom and Kaitie’s to get my shower in so I wouldn’t be so scrubby tonight at P/T Conferences. Then at the high school, let’s just say that my patience was tested all day and I am not sure I passed the test with flying colors. But I did try. J

Currently, I am just writing this at P/T Conferences and waiting on a few parents to show up. All in all, I am just really ready to get to Indianapolis for National FFA Convention! It is sure to be a great trip!

But last night…… I discovered something really cool about the rosary. Now I know what I discovered is REALLY obvious but I was pretty excited when I finally connected the dots. And to tell you the truth that is why I love my faith. I know that no matter how much I think I might know about the Catholic faith, there will ALWAYS be more. I can never stop growing in my relationship with Him. I just can’t get over how cool this fact is!! Ahhhhh!! Anyway….. more on my discovery soon. Oh the suspense.

So this month, October, is the month of the rosary. So we, as Catholics, are encouraged to pray the rosary daily. Which I am totally eating up and…….definitely trying my best to do this month. A friend texted me a couple of Friday’s ago wishing me a Happy Our Lady of the Rosary day and encouraged me to look up the story. So look up the story I did:

“Our Lady of the Rosary
This feast was instituted by Pope St. Pius V in thanksgiving for the great naval victory over the Turks at the battle of Lepanto on this day in the year 1570, a favor due to the recitation of the Rosary. This victory saved Europe from being overrun by the forces of Islam.”

So this text message, and further “Catholic-nerd-digging” led me to this idea: “I wonder what it is like to pray the full rosary?” I knew that the rosary had developed a lot over the centuries and started out as a way to count “Our Fathers”.  Then over time it developed into what we say today. In fact, what we say and meditate on today isn’t even usually the full 150 Hail Marys or Our Fathers. We are kind of slackers. : ) We usually ponder just one, of the now four, mysteries of the life of Jesus and call it good.

So I was really happy that this text sent me into google-mode and reintroduced me to some of the rosary history. Mostly because it gave me this great idea to pray all four mysteries in one setting.  Which I finally got the opportunity to do last night!

On to my “great” discovery! I had my little rosary book all laid out in front of me, to make sure I didn’t forget any and to make sure I was thinking about the right things. I just went into the order of the book: Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful and Glorious. I had just finished the last Sorrowful mystery, the crucifixion of Jesus. And had started the first mystery of the Glorious mystery, the resurrection of Jesus. And it clicked! It was all IN ORDER and told the whole story of Jesus’ life. So yes, I technically knew this, but it didn’t really click until I said all of the mysteries all together. Light bulb! I am not sure why this made me so happy but it did and praying the full rosary was well worth it!! Plus, I just feel awesomely ready for my week in Indy now. : )

Oh and I really hope saying a full rosary doesn't cause me to oversleep every day. : ) But it sure was a peaceful sleep!! 

Kinda like welding....kinda like church....

This past Friday I "finished" my second stained glass project. I had planned on going to Wichita that night but then just ended up eating El Magueys with Kamo and the kids and then worked on my project until about 10:30 that night! It was pretty much exactly what I needed. : )

So here it is:

Right after I foil and centered the pieces.

"Tacked"

After the initial soldering of the front, you can see what happens to the back.

Front before fixing it!

Done! Well almost. A few touch-ups, add the black patina,  and then a frame will finish her off!

So when I was working on this, James, the night janitor came by. He talked for a while and said "Oh, kinda like church? " I was like, well yeah I guess so. : )

Then my roomie, was looking at it and she said "Oh, kinda like welding?" I was like, well yeah I guess so. :)

It actually did get me a little more excited about welding..........


Anyway, Happy Monday!

Peaceful Pictures

I was getting ready to shut my computer lid....and I noticed my desktop. It is one of the pictures I took on that peaceful day I just blogged about today. And what better way to celebrate my 50th blog entry than to post some pics of that day! Enjoy!

The Shire, Kansas style? I think so! :)

Peace

Awwww Sundays! Today was a great day. :)

And let's just be honest here, it was mostly because mass was completely awesome today! The little kids sang, the second reading from Philippians is one of my favorites, and I just felt surrounded by beautiful things. Beautiful people, beautiful windows, and a crazy, beautiful building.

So back to  Philippians........

Philippians 4:6-9

"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your request known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you. "

So I really didn't come across this (or really much scripture) until earlier this year. So it is cool when I start recognizing my favorite bits every now and then. : )  The above reading was in this Lent devotional book that I was reading during Lent and I read this passage a couple of days after my Grandpa Selenke's funeral. After all the craziness of this next story. :)

There was a day in my life, actually the day of his funeral that I felt like this happened. Like EXACTLY. It was crazy. Like, that day "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" really happened to me. So I thought it would only be fitting to share my "peace" story! It is probably one of my favorite things I have ever written.

I am not supposed to feel this way. Not today. Today I am supposed to feel lost, confused, and sad beyond reason. Instead, I just can’t stop smiling.

Days like today are definitely a gift. Days like today make me wonder how people go through life not believing in God. I say this because all day long, I felt Him. There were times today when I was sad. I missed my Grandpa; I imagined him just showing up, telling some stories, giving me a hard time and everything just being a dream.  I was sad when I saw my Grandma weep, or when I hugged my Nannie. But I never felt alone. And not because I was surrounded by my family.

I remember my Papa’s funeral. How I felt sitting in that church. How I felt more at home than ever before. That day, I was beginning to listen. Today it was truly a blessing to have my Grandpa’s funeral mass at Holy Name. My church. My home.  It was just so comforting knowing that the same priest that was burying my Grandpa would be baptizing me in a couple of weeks, in that very place. I felt calm and peaceful all day. I felt like I was so at home and in the exact place I was supposed to be. I felt as if my ears and eyes were wide open. He must have been right by me all day long.

Later that day I decided to go walk and pray. So I think this makes a total of three times I’ve been to that hike/bike trail. Today was so very much amazing. I didn’t even listen to music the whole time because it was so very unnecessary. Not three minutes into my walk, I felt so very peaceful. I was walking with my face to the sky. I couldn’t help but noticed how the cottonwoods were so alive at the tops of the trees and how their buds dwindled from there. I thought it was beautiful how they weren’t quite all leaves yet but just starting to come back to life again….so green at the top against the bright blue sky. Then the clouds! It was simply amazing.....I was all sorts of smiles. I bet I would have been a sight to see. I went to my spot by the river bank. I watched the fish jump, watched the wind blow the lone tree on an island in the water, and I prayed. I didn’t want my prayers to end.

Then I got up and decided to walk some more. On the remaining walk I experienced peace like never before. If you look up peace in the dictionary it talks about freedom of mind from annoyances and disturbances. It takes about stillness. It talks about being untroubled and content. Like are we really allowed to feel this way? Because I don’t think I truly understood peace until today. Shoot, I probably still have no idea but regardless it was so wonderful. I was so happy. Beyond happy. I saw beautiful thing after beautiful thing appear right before me. There were tufts of green, green grass that carpeted the ground. There were squirrels barking in the trees. There was the moon in the middle of the bright blue sky. Nests. Mushrooms. Purple flowers. AMAZING trees along the trail. I know I am the biggest nerd ever, so BMH beforehand…..I felt like I was in some Lord of the Rings book walking through The Shire. I had never been to this section of the trails before and it was simply breathtaking. I felt like Jesus and my Grandpas were right beside me walking down that path.

I kept thinking I shouldn’t feel so good. But then smiling and laughing because it didn’t matter what I thought. I wanted to stop along the path, lay down, kick my legs up and down with happiness and stay there forever. I don’t think I have ever felt so blessed and thankful than I was feeling. I felt like I could have any conversation with Him that I wanted and that he was listening and talking back. It was amazing. I have really never wanted to cry because I was so happy. But the myth is true…it does happen. ;) Out of all the tears I have cried that past few days, I was crying because I couldn’t believe how good He was. Tears and a smile from here to the moon. God is soooooo good to us. I just kept praying please let my Grandma feel this way sometime soon.

I think that moments like these are as close to peace as we will ever get to on earth. Just imagine what true peace is going to feel think. Ahhh shivers. And when you think about that and then you know your loved ones are experiencing that peace a million trillion times over, you can’t help but be beyond happy.

 But as the end of my walk came to an end, and as I got closer to civilization, my car, and the bypass, I started to think about tomorrow, the next week, the next couple of months. We may not get many of these peaceful moments. The cold hard truth is that we will not feel like this every day. We have to remember them though. I know that I will have some stressful days, some hard days, and some straight up stupid days in my future. Days when I will try so hard to feel Him and be so frustrated that I can’t. Days when I will not want to feel Him…..because I am dumb. Days when I will feel like quitting and giving up. But on those days, my walk with my Grandpa’s is going to get me through them. I have to remember that peace I felt and look forward to feeling it again.

Ever since I can remember, my Grandparents would stand at their door, or the end of their driveway and wave and wave and wave at us as we drove away from visiting them. They never stopped waving and we never stopped waving until we could no longer see them. Our hands would be out the windows and we’d be turned around in our seats to wave goodbye to them. Still to this day, they continue this even though we are all grown up. Grandma is the biggest waver. Grandpa had his thing too though. He would always say peace and wave with the peace sign as we drove away. So we’d alternate between the peace sign and a wave as we drove down the road. I think Grandpa was peace signing me the whole day today. Ahhhh what a feeling!

And just to reiterate the fact that I this happened and I blogged about it before I had ever really seen Philippians 4:6-9. Just the things I describe that day are the very things He is telling us to think about. I talked about all the beautiful things I saw on my walk that He was romancing me with that day. He showered down on me so many beautiful things to guard my heart and mind on a very sorrowful, hard day. I focused completely on Him. No wonder I was so peaceful.

It is an awesome reminder for someone who has a brain that won't shut off. Don't fret so much, self. You did it once and remember how awesome that felt!? lol

Peace out!

A Place Only He Can Go

Last Friday night instead of going to the homecoming game, I ventured forth to get a good dose of Needtobreathe with a few friends. It was a good decision, and it helped me breathe a little. : ) First of all, I felt very blessed to be in the company of some good people. Just in my mind, very, very strong women.

Secondly, it’s Needtobreathe!! There were a couple of instances during the concert where I was reminded that they aren’t necessarily a Christian rock band but a rock band with very awesome Christian tendencies. And even though I love their rock side, I LOVE their tender side. I could listen to them sing Something Beautiful over and over and over again. (TANGENT) I am sure we all think of something different when we hear songs but I am willing to bet you think the same thing I do when listening to that song. And THAT really is something beyond beautiful. It is like the ultimate something beautiful. And I can’t imagine what is going to happen. Anyway……..

My new favorite Needtobreathe song:

A Place Only You Can Go

And not because they sang this song pretty much like 20 feet away from me. Not because they sang this acoustic. Not because they made us all scoot in super close to each other so we could hear. Not because the place was so quiet you could hear a pin drop as they were singing. And not even because everyone joined in and sang Stand By Me at the song’s end. Well on second thought, maybe that is why. ☺

But here is the real reason. On my drive home I watched the video I took of the final song. I know, super safe, huh? Then I watched it again. And again. I just couldn’t stop watching and listening to that song. I was catching most of the lyrics now and I could completely relate. And the chorus…..it’s something beautiful for sure.

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to you
In my heart you'll always know
There is a place only love can go
There is a place only you can go

And to me here is what I was hearing:

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to You
In my heart You'll always know
There is a place only Love can go
There is a place only You can go

And that is exactly how I feel lately. It's like a love song for Him! I love Him. But I don’t feel like I will ever love Him enough. Kind of frustrating. But I also know there is a Love we all yearn for. A Love that we search for all the time when we feel empty or lonely. At times, we do struggle and we look everywhere we can think of to find answers. But we (I) have got to realize He is the ONLY one that can fulfill that need. There is a place in each of us only for Him. So let Him take care of you. Cool thing is….. I think I am getting there. He and I have been talking about this lately. I have been praying that He fills me with Love. And that I accept it. And that I “love Him all I can.” My love is never going to be perfect but I am going to keep at it!

Check these lyrics out! Only bad part of the song- it’s too short! : )

Pain is alive in a broken heart
The past never does go away
We were born to love
And we're born to pay
The price for our mistakes

Grace, she comes with a heavy load
Memories, they can't be erased
Like a pill I swallow, he makes me well
And leaves an awful taste

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to you
In my heart you'll always know
There is a place only love can go
There is a place only you can go

Take my notions and words to heart
This is the cry of a man
I can't bring you fortune or noble life
But I'll love you all I can

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to you
In my heart you'll always know
There is a place only you can go

Oh I know this song won't do
Enough to prove my love to you
In my heart you'll always know
There is a place only love can go
There is a place only you can go

And now at last the video I watched over and over again. Watch it until the end!!

A Place Only You Can Go/ Stand By Me

Dishwashing=Therapy

Where to begin? From the beginning..... nope that'd take too long. ;) Let's just say I was driving myself pretty much insane yesterday. Nothing particularly bad happened but I was finding it very hard to function and  to get through the day. I even had some pretty fun things planned for class and it was like my mind was everywhere but in class.

In fact, it didn't really even get better until around 7 pm that night when I started cooking and watching Gilmore Girls. haha However, in the midst of me freaking out pretty much all day, I cleaned the kitchen at the school, all the coolers, the pans we had used for various things, the oatmeal I had spilled all over the place that morning, wiped up all the counters, cleaned the cupcake pans, and put everything away. It made me feel better! As I was doing this, I kept thinking I cannot sit down for lunch or I might not make it. So I just kept washing dishes.....even while realizing I was being slightly crazy.

I think most of the day I was beyond frustrated with myself. I know that this month is the month that we celebrate Mary as being Our Lady of Sorrows and that today is even the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. And when I went to adoration this past Monday, there was this awesomely, amazing new Marian statue. Where was this statue was positioned you might ask? Well at the foot of the cross of course! And so adoration was pretty much amazing that night!

Mary and Mary's sorrows have been on my mind like crazy. The fact that she could actually be there and watch Jesus be mocked and tortured and crucified is beyond my comprehension. And it's not like today times when people understood what Jesus was all about. People didn't really now all about Jesus like we do today. Plus, not to mention all the suffering she endured her whole life simply because she said "yes" to God's will, before and after His death. She suffered so much but so beautifully.

I could not do that. She gives us this perfect example of suffering- how not to be afraid and how we should  not to try to run from suffering. And at that point yesterday, while doing those dishes, I was soooooooo far from the example that she has given us. And I was so mad at myself. Just buck up.

Yesterday was a struggle for me. I really wasn't seeing God in things. I doubted God so many times. I fought with God all day. Finally, coming home, cooking, eating dinner with friends, and watching Gilmore girls started to fix things. Then I was at it again at about 10 pm that night......doing dishes, laundry, and cleaning my room....... and finally having a reasonable conversation with Him. I went to bed at peace........... and with a really clean school and home. :)

I know that I will continue to struggle with this thing. I could really use some prayers to help make me stronger, to help make me more like my Momma Mary.

In Christ, Through Mary! 

Perdonare- yay Latin!

It has been an interesting week. All week long I have kind of felt like I was holding things back or pushing things to the side. In particularly my conversations with Him. It happens.

Monday was labor day, and because of that adoration wasn't held. Tuesday.....the only thing I remember about Tuesday was that I got a letter in the mail. More on that later. Wednesday through Friday nothing super spectacular. I didn't feel very productive all week, the letter was on my mind, and I really didn't feel like I had had good prayer almost all week. I fell asleep either trying to pray the rosary or doing night prayer from my phone every single night. I guess that is my own fault for laying down....

Anyway, I went to mass tonight. Seeking goodness and Love. I sure did find it!

I went to mass at Sacred Heart tonight because I was working at school and also because I wanted to go to confession. (I know......I should really give Fr. Mike a shot at some point!) However, after going to confession tonight and then having a whole homily on forgiveness, I must say I do like Fr. Ruben!

Fr. Ruben must have been reading my mind. He told us about how the root of the word forgiveness comes from the Latin word perdonare. And this means to "give completely without holding back".

Something I don't feel I had really been doing at all this past week. I have definitely been holding back my conversations with Him and doing just enough to get by. What do we think sometimes? On a day-to-day, minute-by-minute, second-by second basis He gives himself freely to us. Completely, all of Him- because we are sinners. And when we go to Him in confession He will forgive us.....completely. No matter what. He is not going to half-heartily forgive one of two of our sins and say oops sorry you have reached your max on that sin.

Lots of different things were randomly popping into my head during mass. Here is one of them-

This whole pardonare thing kind of reminds me of something I meditate on when I pray the rosary and pray about the Crowning of the Thorns. I watched the Passion of the Christ for the first time this past year and I guess for the first time I have really learned more about the Passion. It is so heartbreaking. Mostly, because we are the crowning of the thorns. I am the crowning of the thorns. Everytime I sin, I am mocking Jesus. You may not be able to picture yourself insulting Jesus or making Him wear a crown of thorns. But is that not what we do? And then He turns around and forgives us......He gives Himself to us completely and holds nothing back. That just kind of blows my mind! In a good way. :)

And Surprise! It reminds me of the lyrics to this song: You Loved Me Anyway by Sidewalk Prophets.

Most especially this part:

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway
See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking
ground
Yes then, I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life
But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known
Yes,You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
You love me, yes You love me
How You love me
How You love me
How You love me

Plus, I give you kuddos if you can go to any mass today or tomorrow and not sing the 7 times 70 song in your head. :)

What an awesome lesson He has once again provided for us all! Never forget that He holds nothing back from us, and that we should strive to hold nothing back from Him. Don't bury His grace. Love Him and show this Love to others.

Goodnight! State Fair is calling my name in the A.M.!