Stop Being a Girl

One of my current student's and I have this saying we like to say to each other, "Stop being a girl". I guess we both like to fashion ourselves as being some super strong-willed, non-emotional, independent,  superwomen. But I'm not. I am in fact a girl. And sometimes I do act like that stereotypical girl I hate to act like. That girl we tell each other to stop acting like. 

For example, I have a "sad" CD.....that I listen to. I have this weird jealous streak that appears smack dab out of nowhere sometimes. I like to dress nice AND then have people say I look nice. I like to eat ice cream just because I am happy, sad, with friends, hungry, or wanting to celebrate. I can take some things way to personally. I do get emotional. And lastly I hate goodbyes. 

And dang-it all week I have been acting like a girl! So I apologize if this whole post reeks of "being a girl". I have been at the school a lot this week. In fact, more than I have been for the whole month of July. As I am going through papers and rearranging things I keep getting reminders. Pictures, cards, letters, old assignments, old speeches I listened to countless times, signs hanging on the wall, items long tucked away in some random drawer, mobiles hanging from the ceilings, notes in the greenhouse.....just things everywhere. These things are awesome but they are making it extremely hard to focus on the upcoming school year. And I am not ready for school. 

I always joke with my kids that there is no way I could ever be a mom. It would just break my heart too much. I mean I can't imagine what it is like. I have spent almost everyday with some of these kids for the past four years and a mother has 18 years of that. Ouch. 

Before I took this years FFA officers on retreat I had a friend pray for me that I was completely "present" for my new kids. It is hard for me to not want my older kids there. It is hard for me to relearn how to do things again. It is hard for me to open myself back up to start all over again.

Each evening of retreat we had a reflections. The second evening two of the officers talked about taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. One of my officers called me out and said, "What about you, Bogart? What have you done lately to step put of your comfort zone." She went on, "You seem so confident. You seem like you'd try anything and aren't afraid to talk to people."

Which I think is so far from the truth. Oh from the mouths of babes. : ) But anyways I guess it just kind of hit me there. I have a lot to share with these kids. I have a lot to teach these kids. It is time to stop being a girl and get to work. These kids are chomping at the bit, full of ideas, and full of awesome things they will teach me. If only I will let them. 

This semester, I could really use some prayers. Prayers to be more present with my current students and prayers to trust in Christ. 

Jesus and Johnny: A Blast from the Past

Where has the summer gone? I really need to be doing more work in my classroom and I really need to work on planning out more of officer retreat. I mean retreat is Friday! I guess the plus size of this predicament is that I can't even begin to explain to you how completely awesome July has been. Hopefully, I will blog more about July later but this is about my little blast from the past. How it started:

Now that Emily has moved out, I am in the process of moving some of my things back from my mom's house. This doesn't help with focusing on school, as I want to look through all my junk. I spent a good three hours today listening to some really "interesting" burned CDs, old yearbooks, and reading old journals I had written. In high school I wrote in steno pads......wow those were interesting. :) A most special gem was the journal I kept the week I ran for a State FFA Office. It is kind of embarrassing. hahaha Anyway, it prompted me to look up an old blog I had in college on......Xanga. Pat yourself on the back if you even know what I am talking about. It is actually the cream of the crop as far as my blogging goes. It chronicles the last three years of college. Some of it makes me cringe. While most of it makes me laugh out loud. It is funny to see how much different I am. At the same time it is interesting to see how much different and how much the same my worries are today as they were then. Here is something I wrote in 2006. It is amazing to see my thirst and desire for Jesus expressed through a little Johnny Cash. Enjoy.

So I just got done watching Walk the Line. By the way, it is kind of weird that in my last two entries I have mentioned Johnny Cash. Anyway, do you ever feel like you are Johnny Cash? Like he was a super talented, driven, passionate guy who just so happened to have a pill-poppin problem. I kind of feel like that. Not that I have a drug problem or anything like that but I have my own issues. Everyone does. If we could just get past those things, I think we could truly live. Sometimes I feel like I must be living like Johnny in the scene where he walks all the way to June's. Pretty much the lowest you could ever get. He was really lucky to have June though. Who's my June? I don't really mean this in a sense of who is my man either. But who is my friend that would do what June did? Who will love me no matter what? And who is making sure that I live my life to the fullest....to how I really want to be living my life?

If you currently blog or journal- keep doing it! Even if you do seem a little crazy at times, it is pretty insightful when you read back through your words. Peace!

Take It

That awesomeness above.......was last weekends Gospel reading. Mark 14: 12-15, 22-26.

There are quite a few words and sentences on that page. But when I really read and meditate over this passage all I can see are these two words:

TAKE IT

As I was kneeling in mass this weekend, those words would not leave me alone. But actually in my head it's more like....

"Hey you crazy lady I love you! I have been trying to give this peace to you. I have been trying to give you my love. I have been trying to help you and provide for you. I have been practically screaming at you. I know you heard me. Why haven't you been listening? Take it. Take my body and blood and be strong. Do not be afraid. I know what you need. Take it!!!!"

Yes, I am good at turning two words into a whole paragraph in my head. :) Without a doubt He is being stern with me. But then simultaneously He was also offering me his flesh and blood. But here is what I told him next:

"I don't deserve it." And He said-

You guessed it......"Take it."

What did I do next?

Story to be continued......

A lot of the times I don't think I do a very good job at accepting what God is trying to give me. Mostly because we don't always agree on what I need. :) I tend to get preoccupied with how I am going to fix things, and spend lots of time worry and calculating solutions to these problems that I only have human understanding about. Which human understanding amounts to about nothing even if it is Kasie Bogart understanding. Ha ha just kidding..... Still, I tend to try to do things on my own- even when I know it will end in failure. It's basically like Jesus holding peace (and a whole slew of good stuff) in the palm of His hand and offering it to me. Then I reach out and close his hand in a fist and say, "Sorry, it will hurt too much."

I know there are others out there that struggle with this same problem. Choosing His will over our own is not an easy task. However, take hope! We can do this if we put our total trust in Him.

"Your heavenly Father knows what you need." Matthew 6:32

"the sufferings of the present time simply don't compare with the glory to come that will be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

Lastly, a phrase I heard a lot this past weekend from good ol Fr. Linnebur, "God asks for everything, but He doesn't necessarily take everything."

-Back to the story-

For the first time in what seems like month's I took it. Even though I receive the Eucharist often, I felt like I never had before. Instead of me closing His hand in a fist; I took what He was giving me. I finally felt at peace and strong enough to start trusting Him.

Now I'd say that was a pretty successful Corpus Christi Sunday. :)

I am very aware that this battle is far from over. It's not always going to be pretty. It's going to hurt and I am going to want to give up. But it makes me smile to think that the battle is already won.

That's right-

The battle is already won!

Pray that we all be given the grace to accept what God is so persistently trying to give to us.

Take it.

Phones in the River

I wish that I could just chuck my iPhone into a river. I wish that you'd throw your phone in the river too. And you and you and you! Everyone please throw your phones in the river! Billions of phones in the river!

Let's face it. If I chucked my phone into a river, it wouldn't do me much good without everyone else drowning theirs too. Or would it? 

Most people today (well most of the people I'm surrounded by) can't remember what life was like before all the glorious conveniences of modern technology. Honestly, sometimes it is even hard for me to remember. I mean really, what did my ag teachers do at National Convention when they had to round up 20 students out of the sea of 50,000 blue jackets? Oh that's right- they had to plan more extensively, make sure we had watches on our wrists, and give us meet back places and times. More work? Yes. But not really. 

Here is another good example of prehistoric times. Perhaps one of my favorite memories I have is of the kitchen phone. This kitchen phone was as expected- in the kitchen. When any of my friends wanted to call me, they got to talk to my parents first. These calls then proceeded to happen as far away from my parents as the cord could possibly reach- around two corners, in the nook by the playroom. It was a long cord and an extremely important conversation. The best part was,  everybody, and I mean everybody,  knew that you didn't call people past 9 o' clock. Yes, my friends, this eliminates most of the conversations I currently have through phones AND text messaging. 

Honestly, this post is a little pointless. Only because I have no idea how to "solve" this issue. I do wish people communicated with each other now like we use to communicate with each other before cell phones and facebook. However, I am a big part of the problem. I just looked at my phone usage. I have used 29 minutes out of 450.....in 16 days. What!? That's it?  My text message usage- let's not get into that. But really the worst is the data I use on my phone's Internet. My bank account is super thankful that I have unlimited texts and unlimited Internet. 

This problem sort of reminds me of a problem some friends and I had in college. In college it is almost inevitable that you do a few stupid things. So keep that in mind :) Anyway, I had met some friends through a job I had presenting youth leadership conferences. Over the years, I acquired several really good friends that went to colleges across the US. We would see each other and catch up at conferences about 6 times a year and at trainings. I developed some close relationships with these people even though they were all so far away. For some reason, we all got into this weird/bad habit of only calling each other when we had been drinking. It got to the point where we realized this was not okay. "I care about you. I want to know about what is going on in your life. I want to be able to help you and listen to you. And we both know all these drunk dials are not going to accomplish that." After that conversation happened, that group of friends and I made a conscience effort to communicate with each other in a more meaningful way. 

So yes, I am implying that text messages are like drunk dials. I know, maybe a little bit of a stretch. But only because those text messages are just so darn convenient. We hide behind our text messages and little emoticons. Texting is much less riskier and not as uncomfortable as some phone calls could be. Not only that, but when was the last time you misinterpreted a message? Ummm, about 30 minutes ago you say. Believe me, I can relate. I have had many experiences when I got frustrated, got my feelings hurt, or totally missed the boat on something- all over a stupid text that meant something completely different. The fact of the matter is when we send that text it is actually like interrupting someones life. We have no idea what is going on in their life at that current moment but sometimes can just assume they are ignoring us. It makes me super thankful I didn't go through high school texting my friends into the wee hours of the night or during class. I am very thankful that I didn't have practically complete and full access to all my friends 24/7 like we do now. 

So is it feasible to live without that technology when everyone else is using it like crazy? What would my life be like if I chucked my cell phone, bought a landline and a good ole answering machine? Did people asks this same question when the telephone was invented? 

"Oh Sonny, I remember the good ol' days when if a person wanted you over for supper they'd come knock on your door and invite you over themselves. Now all they have to do is ring you up on the telephone. What is the world coming to these days?"

So do a quick check on your last 5-10 text messages. What if those text messages were phone calls or letters or cards? You might say, that'd mean I just spent an extra hour of my time on something I could do in five minutes. That one question I text them turned into a conversation about that person's troubles that lasted for thirty minutes. Who has time for that nonsense? Hmmm, well I think it is something we need to have time for. That bible verse from Romans that I just texted a friend could have turned into a really cool 5 minute phone conversation, or at the very least a voicemail that would make her smile. That text to my best friend in California telling her that I miss her like crazy might just turn into that skype call we never have.  Shoot, if I even made it a priority to call my brother and sisters at least once a week we'd all know each other more. We could then all support each other more. 

Even though throwing our phones in the river may not be the best solution to battle the technology woes, it is important to communicate more openly with those in our lives. It might just be worth giving those texting fingers a rest. Being able to text people does make our lives easier but not necessarily better. Your challenge-- 

How will you be more PRESENT in the lives of those you love? 

Why I Converted: The (super) Short Version

Today I heard this song a couple of times; once on my shuffle and then again on the radio. It never fails to remind me how this little song single-handily converted me to Catholicism AND saved my soul. : )

Well I guess to be fair, the girl who was constantly playing this song whenever she walked into my room, also had a little bit to do with it.

Thank you, Holy Spirit!

The "Heroic Moment"

I just recently watched the movie There Be Dragons. It's a story that follows the friendship of two men, Manolo and Josemaria Escriva. Josemaria is a priest,  true-life canonized saint, and he just so happens to be the founder of Opus Dei.

My favorite line of the movie starts in a scene with Josemaria and Manolo meeting after not speaking to each other for some time. They have a very strained relationship and Manolo has many bitter feelings towards Josemaria. Manolo was commenting about how he left the seminary and says, "I always knew I wasn't priest material." To which Josemaria states,

"Just because you aren't priest material, doesn't mean you're not saint material."

Could St. Josemaria Escriva be any more correct?! I love that line because I think it is very relatable to each and every last one of us. It's that universal call to holiness that we are all meant to pursue. And it is kind of exciting! :)

I have read a little bit more on Josemaria and came across his teaching about the "Heroic Moment":

The first habit is the morning offering, when you kneel down and using your own words, or a formula, you briefly offer up all the day ahead for God's glory. What is not so simple is what has to happen before the offering. As the founder of Opus Dei put it "Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment, getting up on the dot, at a set time, without granting a single minute to laziness. If with the help of God, you conquer yourself in the moment, you have accomplished a great deal for the rest of the day. It's so discouraging to find yourself beaten in the first skirmish (The Way, 191). In my pastoral experience, those who can live the "heroic moment" in the morning and in the evening going to bed on time will have both the physical and spiritual energy throughout the day to stop what they are doing in order to live the other habits.

Anyone else up for the challenge?

Thank you, Jeremy

Wednesday was one of those days that I just wanted to wallow in bad thoughts. Oh sure, I could have bucked up and decided to get over things. However, it was almost liked I enjoyed torturing myself. I don't know if you can relate, but I am betting you can. It got to the point where it was hard to teach, to be around people, to pretty much function in general. Finally, I thought, "Why am I allowing myself to dwell on this?"

Needless to say, I don't think I was the greatest Christian example either of the past two days. Most especially Wednesday. Then again on Thursday I really had to watch myself with my welding boys. I was already worn thin and then I had to put up with the laziness of my fourth period welding class. The last hour of my day ended with me getting cussed out and the student getting written up. It's funny because I don't know what Jesus would do in some situations in my life. How would He love this kid?

But good thing life goes on, because today was a pretty good day. Mostly, thanks to Jeremy. On Wednesday I really wasn't very nice to him. In fact, if Jeremy would have treated me like I treated him on Wednesday, I probably would have tried to avoid me at all cost during the next class. But Jeremy worked hard all hour. He helped me help other people all hour. He swept off ALL the tables without me asking. He followed me around with a dustpan and swept up all my piles of dirt....again without me asking. He put up other people's tools at the end of the hour. He asked questions like, "Hey, are you done using the chopsaw for today? I am going to pick it up for you."

You better believe I noticed this. His actions were practically screaming at me. It made me extremely happy. So I started picking up all the mess that Aaron dragged out. Then before you know it, Aaron is not only just cleaning up his normal mess but putting forth a little more effort than usual. He swept way under the tables. He wrapped up the cables NICELY. And before I know it all the boys in the shop are amazing me and the shop looks pretty spic and span.

What a crazy chain reaction that occurred from the actions of Jeremy! And really during this whole process, I didn't hear a lot of talk. It was just getting the job done and a thank you here and there. And by golly nobody asked to leave class early because of the extra work they had done.

Then at the end of the hour Aaron says, "Today was a good day."

And that it was. Now I am left thinking- How can I apply this lesson to my sailors in 4th period? It shall be a fun test.